Monthly Archives: October 2015

Gun Control

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Let’s talk about gun control and how to protect our kids, our future, and our society.

The only shooting I ever want to see is this type, someone shooting on goal.


Gun control starts years before anyone even thinks about picking up a gun.

Let’s start with respect. Respect your parents. Respect your elders. Respect yourself and others and others’ property. Respect your teachers.

Partners – respect and love your chosen partner and do your part to create love and peace in your home daily. Honor one another.

Do your work. Always. And stop complaining. Just do it. Doing the work takes discipline and discipline is needed in just about anything you value.

Be more self less and less self entitled.

Hold the door open for others.

Give love and respect freely.

Understand and feel compassion for others.

Practice the art of connection. Smiles are free. Look someone in the eye and greet them. Call your mom. Call your grandmother. Call your best friend. Return a text message or voicemail or email in a reasonable amount of time.

Be friendly. Be a good friend. Celebrate your friends’ gifts.

Call of duty means something significant. A call of duty is to serve and to protect our country. It’s not hours spent in front of a video screen playing a violent game and feeling nothing.

Go outside and play and run around and learn to be responsible and to get along with others in your neighborhood.

Exercise.

Know your neighbors and talk to them.

Give back to your community without expecting anything in return. Help one another.

Mental illness is real and we need to talk about it more. We need better systems to treat and medicate those with this illness and to support the family members who bear the responsibility for their loved ones with this type of incapacitation.

Have empathy and try to understand how lucky you are and how others might not be as fortunate as you.

Make time for family dinners or a family breakfast or a family walk. Make time to see and to listen to each other and to connect with your family members. You are important to them and they are important to you.

Follow your moral compass. Religious institutions provide structure and purpose. Choose yours wisely and give of yourself to your beloved institution.

Be mindful. Think before you act.

Go to bed and sleep 8-10 hours. We are sleep deprived and we need more sleep to be healthier.

Make your bed every morning.

Choose the harder right versus doing what’s instantly satisfying.

Work. Then play. In that order.

Laugh. It feels good.

Be nice.

Be okay.

If we collectively practice what we value, maybe we’ll create more happiness, love and light in this world.  One Love.

We’ll practice gun control by keeping them locked up in safes to protect us from evil instead of creating evil acts with them.

The best gun control happens between your ears.

nAMaste

Good for Rest

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My cats inspire me to rest, yet I’m still not good at it yet.

I had some free time and decided to rest today and to take a nap. My cats  decided to keep me company and to pay lots of attention to me. I enjoyed their company but never did manage to get to sleep. Maybe someday,  but for now I’ll just enjoy their purring and warmth and togetherness.

   
 
How do you rest and how often do you give yourself time to do so? 

Life is good.

nAMaste

Stunned

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I think this is the only word to describe the feelings inside my body again.

There was another shooting at Northern Arizona University (NAU) this morning and my cousin’s best friend was killed and 3 more kids are injured. This is not okay, not fair and not right.  She shouldn’t have to be experiencing another tragedy like this.

On the same day, there was another shooting in Houston, Texas on a college campus, leaving one person dead.

Our children go to to college to learn how to learn and to become independent and responsible adults. I didn’t think that they had to learn these type of survival skills and how to deal with this type of pain and loss.  I can’t believe that Jeff and I were talking about what advice to give our kids should they ever be in a situation like one of these.

I am scared and feel vulnerable again. One person’s actions ripple and affect us all.  Families are destroyed because of one moment of random selfishness. Why is it okay for some people to use violence to solve their problems? What is causing people to be so distraught that they no longer value life?

We are definitely connected and our country needs healing.

I know people are looking for reasons and want to understand why. They want gun control measures, and I think yes, maybe so, but this doesn’t get to the why and focuses on a band-aid and doesn’t really fix the underlying problems.

Why are young men shooting other people?  I’m sure there are several reasons. I think that our youth are missing a sense of purpose and structure. Families fall apart. Religious institutions have lost popularity. We have violent video games that are readily available.  Our mental health system is a joke. Community service is not a priority, and instead there is a strong focus on self which might not be the best thing. Sure, it’s great to be self-aware, but probably not so self-absorbed. We need each other. We need to help and to serve one another.  We need to accept ourselves and one another. We need to belong to each other because we are all connected. One Love.

If you wish to support the families involved in the NAU shooting today, there is a Go Fund Me account set up here:  NAUstrong  “All funds raised through this campaign will be donated to the victims of the shooting to help them with their various expenses following this tragedy. Stay strong everyone. Call up your loved ones and tell them you love them.”

nAMaste and rest in peace, Colin Brough.

Water Play

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Watching her play makes me so very happy. I love being on the pool deck, seeing the water splash, listening to the whistles, watching the action and witnessing the changing light show in the sky. If I can’t be at the beach, then this is the second best place to be. 

  
    
 Seeing her work hard and to get the hang of this challenging sport makes me very happy. I love that she’s enjoying her experience and that I am able to be a witness.

Life is good.

How to Stay Positive When You’re Brokenhearted

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Today was hard. It is the anniversary of Chase Varney’s death today and it sucks. He was only a high school, senior. My son will be a senior next year. This is too close to my heart and I adore and admire his mother and I can only imagine what she is feeling right now. Heart broken.

I felt paralyzed and helpless. I felt anger and sadness and loneliness. I felt compassion and frustration and helplessness. I also felt grateful and guilty. I felt present and short-tempered and nervously laughed a lot. I was anxious.

I am not in control and I feel vulnerable and fearful and sad and mad all at the same time.

How is one supposed to be positive when you’re dealing with such negative feelings?

This is what we need to learn to do. We need to learn to carry on, despite the S*(#.  We need to teach our kids and ourselves that we are going to face ugly moments and days and we can get through them. We don’t have to be perfect. It’s okay to be sad. We get to choose how to deal with the bad things, just as we know how to deal with the good things.  When we make bad choices, we can recover. One bad choice does not define us and this too shall pass. It’s okay to mess up. We’re all still learning. Do our kids really know this? Do they know how to make mistakes? I don’t know for sure, but I’m hoping we teach them to fail and to be resilient.

No one thing or event defines all of us. We can be broken and we can start again. We can be forgiven and we can rebuild. We have to be kind to ourselves and allow the pain to just be without feeding it.

I just ate an entire chocolate bar. I am feeling it. I am lost.

I don’t have to have all the answers and it’s okay to cry my eyes out. I did that tonight. I yelled tonight too. I’m so frustrated.

And then I wiped away my tears, and said enough. I didn’t want to cry the rest of the night. I was crying that ugly cry and it felt good to let it out and I don’t like to lose self control and to cry like that.

Charlie asked if I wanted to hear a good story. Thank God for the littles. I said yes, please. Lift me up and share something good because I am so sad right now. And he did.

He told me how he won a raffle prize tonight for wearing his shirt. Another new kid forgot to wear his member-shirt and this was his first year participating. Charlie chose to give his prize to the new kid and made his night. Seriously? He knows compassion already and to be self-less? Good job, Charlie boy. I am proud of you. You’re getting the meaning behind this life circus. I am proud of you and this story was just the right one I needed to hear tonight. Thank you for this precious gift. Thank you for being you, kind and loving and compassionate.

I smiled. I cried. I smiled again.

We are all a little broken. Let’s choose to take care of each other. Let’s choose to forgive others and ourselves and to offer do-overs and compassion. Let’s support one another and lift each other up.

And just maybe we’ll get through this life happily ever after together.

nAMaste

p.s. These little gifts brought light and warmth to me today, still a year later. Thank you Elizabeth and ML for your gifts of friendship. I love you.


The Best Part 

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This was the best part of my day.

Charlie’s eye ball.

  
It was the best part because he was sitting right next to me as we watched Juliana play water polo and I had fun taking pictures of him. He was the one who took my phone and cropped and focused the new photo on just his eye ball. I loved his creativity and truly saw him sitting next to me.

I loved being at the pool with all my kids. I loved being in the sunshine and watching my kids play, while talking with my girlfriends and having my little buddy by my side. 

I truly loved this and was fully aware and present in this moment. Sometimes my mind is preoccupied, but today I was aware and thankful.

Again, I was missing Chase and knew in my heart that I needed to be grateful for all that is good and to be present and to enjoy my chaotic life. And so I did.

Life is good.

What was your favorite part of the day?

When It Hurts

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I want to use a swear word, but I’ll hold myself back.

Stuff happens all the time and we don’t always like it or know what to do with it, especially the stuff we didn’t choose to happen.

We tend to focus on the good stuff and we seem to know what to do with that. But what about the bad stuff? How do we know how to go on again and reclaim our future and redefine our new path and accept that it’s ok to move on from here?

It’s hard to know.

It’s coming up on the one year anniversary that Chase died and we’re feeling it. We’re not really sure what to do with the feelings and there are no simple solutions or one size, fits all remedy. We want to reach out and connect and console one another and talk about it, and it hurts.  We want to offer comfort and care, and we’re not sure how best to do it. We want to give gifts and be together and share our stories and hear each other.  Maybe we just have to be.

I lit a candle and said a prayer. I called and texted loved ones. All throughout the days, while I’m working and driving and thinking, I am sitting with and feeling the sadness and loss more so again this week and am trying to accept it.  I wonder when the acceptance phase kicks in.

We don’t have all the answers.

To all who are hurting, I wish you love and peace and hope to carry on.

We love you Chase and miss you.

namaste

The Good Life Quilt

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What if we could stitch a quilt of love between us?

What if we could take the values that give our life meaning and stitch them together and create a warm blanket to share?

What would you include in this quilt?  Would we all include the same things?

I would weave the common good, courage, justice, love, peace, kindness, truth, compassion, fairness, tolerance, acceptance, hope, freedom, passion, creativity, integration, justice, and connection.

  
What values would you add?

What would be the purpose of this Good Life Quilt?

I think having one would provide us warmth and something to share. It’s colors and diversity and patterns would be woven together and give us something beautiful to touch and to see and to build together.

When Charlie was born, he almost died. We were filled with fear and did not know what was wrong with him for 6, agonizing days.  We had no idea whether he would live or not  We had no control. And we just had to wait and watch and pray. We were scared and it was a very lonely feeling, even though there were so many that wanted to help us. One thing that provided comfort in the sterile intensive care unit, was a handmade quilt inside his bed. I wondered where it came from and why it was there. It was stitched by a volunteer group who gave of their time and their talents and added warmth and color and a sense of home to his little bassinet. It felt like a warm hug and provided hope of normalcy, that one day he’d be in a cozy bed in our home. Dreams do come true.

May you be covered with a Good Life Quilt and stay warm and loved.

nAMaste

Cat Naps

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These two inspired me today. 

I enjoyed seeing them snuggled together, resting and just doing nothing in the middle of the day.

I decided to do the same. I finished doing my chores and then just laid on the couch, relaxing and opening my eyes when someone walked in the room and then stretching a bit and closing my eyes again.

It’s been a very busy week and it felt good to slow down for a bit today. 

Cat naps are good for the soul.

Did you rest today?

One People, One Love

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Every day I stop to think about what to write and what to share that might be meaningful or funny or that connects to a current event.

Today, Juliana’s shirt caught my eye after I looked at this picture we sent her daddy, who’s been out of town all week. I noticed and reflected on the One People line.

We are One People. We are One Love and we are interconnected, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. Our actions and our choices affect others and we need to look out for one another and be kind and loving, no matter what.

My mind is on Oregon and the tragedy that was created by one lonely and disillusioned person. People are looking for blame and for reasons why and want to politicize solutions. They want an easy fix to a complex problem.

How can we make a difference? I have several ideas and I’m sure you do too.

I think we start with ourselves. We can love who we are and be okay with the choices we’ve made and have experienced.

We can take care of our families and love one another and lift each other up. 

We can teach kindness and practice kindness every day. We can be role models and examples through our actions and through our words by gently reminding and coaching those in our influence to act similarly.

We can take care of our community by volunteering in our local schools, and at our local spirtual establishments, in our neighborhood shelters, and by coaching and leading and mentoring kids and adults.

We can build relationships and partnerships and connections. We can see each other.

We can focus on positive, real life (s)heroes and share stories of hope, the stories that lift us up and inspire us. What we focus on, we create. 

These take time and work and dedication. And genuine, authentic relationships take more than social media and instant gratification to develop roots. 

Get rooted.

Get connected, your way. 

Make a difference where you’re planted.

nAMaste