Gifts Not Gaps

I spent the last several days with loved ones. There has been lots of togetherness, in cars, at tables, and in shared spaces. Our routines have been disrupted, our exercise plans changed, and we’ve had lots of time to sit and chat and just be together. Love has been shared amidst the chaos.

I love my family very much and I’m human. I don’t always like what they have to say, or how they say it, or what they do, or what they don’t do. Do you know what I mean? I sometimes have expectations that go unmet, can you imagine that? I have silly expectations in my own mind that don’t match theirs that sometimes creates little conflicts in my own head.

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For example, one day my sister didn’t come over when I thought she was going to come over, and then I felt frustrated because what was in my mind was different than what was in hers, but she didn’t know I had this expectation of her. Or another time, I thought my husband was going to come and play a game with us, but he was watching football and didn’t have the same shared expectations as me. I was sad that he didn’t want to play, but he wasn’t sad at all and I wasn’t really sad, but I did hope that he wanted to play. Do you know what I’m talking about? I’m sure this never happens to you!!

One of my definitions of happiness is when your expectations are in alignment with reality. If I expect that we are having turkey for dinner, and you serve turkey, I’ll be happy. If I expect that we’ll have turkey and you serve fish, I might be perplexed. It might take me awhile to adapt to the change, because my mind had a different story playing out in my head. I might feel unhappy, until I am able to fill the gap and meet the new expectation of fish and not turkey, and adapt quickly enough to be able to accept and enjoy the new option. If I don’t adapt, I will feel disappointment because I was hoping for turkey.  See how this works?

I like to think of these little flutters as gaps. Sometimes the way we see things are different than how our loved ones see things. This gap can sometimes create space between us. What I’m practicing is seeing the gifts that my loved ones have to offer and focusing my attention there, especially when I feel a slight gap. I’ve noticed if I focus on the little frustrations, sometimes those frustrations fester and the gaps grow. I also notice that when I overlook the gaps and flow with whatever is given, and I able to be thankful for their being who they are without any expectations, I am truly able to see their gifts and feel closer and connected to them, despite the gaps.  We all have gaps. We get to chose to see the gifts and not the gaps, even though both are present.

I guess what I’m trying to say, is that if someone bugs you, try to see what is truly good about that person instead of the little things that created an irritation, because seeing the good is usually so much greater and worth the investment of your time and energy. Where we focus our attention is where we create our visions and reality and I want to see my family in the best light possible. I want to overlook the buggy stuff. Focus on the good, despite the little flutters. Flow around the barriers and come back to seeing the good as quickly as possible. Do this again and again, just like a river flows around and over a rock and keeps on flowing without disruption. Repetition and practice is good. You’ll be pleasantly surprised!

Gifts not gaps. I see you. Beautiful you.  Namaste.

xo

Friends and Family

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This sign was hanging in the women’s restroom in San Luis Obispo.

In the men’s room, Jeff says the sign said, “Some call it chaos. we call it family.”

I think we have it all.

We spent a lot of time with extended family this weekend and I feel sad leaving them, even though I am happy to be going home again.

I love being together and embracing the chaos and love that swirl around us, tying us together through shared experiences and laughter.

There were several highlights from our time together, however my favorite was when friends and family gathered outside and held hands, all 26 of us, and shared a Thanksgiving prayer before dinner acknowledging our gifts and our heartbreaking loss of Chase this year. We were able to smile and cry together and it was a beautiful moment of being safe and authentic, vulnerable and real. We were happy to be together and sad to be missing a loved one. Yin and yang.

I love the unique gifts that each person brings to our family, quirks and all.

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I kept reminding myself that we all bring love to share in our own way.

IMG_1952.JPGBaking together.

I am especially thankful to my parents for opening their home to everyone and making us welcome and embracing everyone with unconditional love.

We left their home this afternoon and headed home ourselves. My favorite place to be, besides home, is at the beach. My BFF ML also loves the beach and was at Pismo today. We were so lucky to be able to find each other on the beach and watched the sunset together with our families.

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This was such a great way to wrap up the day and I was so happy to see her and to be together on the beach!! Simple joys, I’m telling you!!

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Life is good!

I hope you enjoyed your own family and friends this giving thanks weekend, and always.

Wishing you peace and love! xo

Black Friday

How did you spend the day after Thanksgiving?

I had no desire to shop nor sit in traffic to compete with the masses of people wishing for a good deal.

Our family spent the day together just hanging out. Some watched football, some did craft projects and others read and played together. We visited with friends and neighbors too, and some went swimming and some went for a walk around the neighborhood. Of course there was plenty of eating too! My sister’s boyfriend brought over and prepared seafood to share that he had caught near Channel Islands. It was so good!

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I wonder why they call it Black Friday. I think we should call it Fun Friday.

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I am thankful that we all still wanted to be together for another Fun Day.

Life is good.

How was your Black Friday? Get any good deals?

A Goodnight Story from a 4 Year Old

K loves T.

K loves B.

K loves Sam.

I love my cousins.

I love my whole entire family and Princess Shellee.

I love my safety pin. That’s a joke.

I am thankful for my mama, Butterball, Zuke, Lenny, and Kimmy. And Auntie Nans. Oh and my boyfriends. (That’s a secret)

I am thankful for my preschool and my friends and A and C and I really want them back and I love them so, so, so, so much.

Good night and Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow.

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I Am White

I am white, privileged they say. I am so much more than my skin color and so are you. I never refer to myself as white except on forms, and it’s uncomfortable to me to talk about race because I prefer to think of us all as humans, part of the human race.

I think I was the only white girl in my yoga class today in Silicon Valley. I was aware of our differences and being a minority, but this is normal to me where I live as there are 26 different languages spoken at the homes of the children in our local school.

At the end of our class, our teacher asked all 20+ of to sit in a circle. As it’s the week of Thanksgiving, she wanted us to take a moment to say our name and introduce ourselves to one another and share one thing we are thankful for. There were people of Chinese, Japanese, Mexican, Indian,and European descents, that I could recognize and I’m sure there were more.

As we went around the circle, several names I cannot remember as they are different from the names I am familiar with and have never heard before. What was the same between us though, were our gifts of gratitude. We all expressed thanks for similar things such as family, health, love, our work, our beautiful lives and being present and thankful for our yoga class and instructor.

I Am privileged because I was surrounded by all these wonderful people who are different than me and yet we are the same. I felt a connection in our little, diverse yoga community. I see these people every week, but we don’t usually speak to one another, as it’s a one hour yoga class and I do not know the others. Sitting in this circle and sharing something about ourselves made a connection for me and for this I was thankful.

I Am in love with humanity and all that is good in all of us.

I Am sad for all who are in pain and suffering, and especially those in Ferguson.

Love sees no color.

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We all want the same things and we need to do the work to create the things we love. I want us all to be on the same team.

I Am sad that there are inequalities and unfairness in the world.

I was listening to Dj Boogie D from St. Louis this morning on NPR, as he was responding to the unrest in Ferguson. He said that we need to change and look forward, despite what has happened in the past, and he didn’t know what that change looked like just yet and was using his airways on the radio station to let peoples’ voices be heard.

I want to be part of the positive change in this world. We can celebrate our oneness, our sameness by embracing and seeing the good in each other and changing the conversation to lift each other up, to forgive one another and to help one another. I think we can take care of each other by being kind, loving, and respectful to ourselves and to each other, always, even when someone hurts us. I think this change comes from being curious about each other and wanting to know more and looking for the connections in our shared values and interests.

I wish for love and peace and justice in this fragmented world, BeLoveRs.

Namaste…the light in me honors the light in you.

Thank You

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It’s Thanksgiving week and I just want to say thank you for being here.

Thank you for your comments and opinions, both expressed online and privately.

I appreciate all of you who, and especially those of you who take the time to like my posts and write and share your thoughts with me.

I love that you’re reading and liking what you see and connecting. You inspire me and I thank you for that.

I love hearing that you’re sharing my stories with your daughters.  I love that you’re carrying the conversation and making it yours. We’re connecting and I absolutely LOVE this.

We have so much to be thankful for, despite our chaotic, imperfect, and painful lives.

So thank you for being you. Thank you for reading and writing, sharing and connecting. I appreciate each of you.

I hope you enjoy your families, good food and good health. Lots of love, and Happy Thanksgiving from California.

xo Adriana