Where the sidewalk ends, there is hope of something new and unexpected and beautiful.
Where the sidewalk ends, there is hope of something new and unexpected and beautiful.
Paris, you’ve been hurt and are in pain. Yet the love of humanity surrounds you. Your people are opening their doors to help one another. Hold on to hope.
This is the best of our lives. We love one another and rise up together, supporting each other and our light shines in the darkness, across the world. We lift you up and are so sorry that such evil has been inflicted upon you.
We will hold on to hope.
We will hold on to love.
We will hold on to each other.
We will fight evil and ISIS and terror every step of the way.
We will never surrender to hell and evil.
Love wins, always, as it is the greater force.
We will love ourselves and love those who are different than us. This is how we will shape our world. We will teach our kids kindness and compassion and love.
Love you. Love me.
Today was hard. It is the anniversary of Chase Varney’s death today and it sucks. He was only a high school, senior. My son will be a senior next year. This is too close to my heart and I adore and admire his mother and I can only imagine what she is feeling right now. Heart broken.
I felt paralyzed and helpless. I felt anger and sadness and loneliness. I felt compassion and frustration and helplessness. I also felt grateful and guilty. I felt present and short-tempered and nervously laughed a lot. I was anxious.
I am not in control and I feel vulnerable and fearful and sad and mad all at the same time.
How is one supposed to be positive when you’re dealing with such negative feelings?
This is what we need to learn to do. We need to learn to carry on, despite the S*(#. We need to teach our kids and ourselves that we are going to face ugly moments and days and we can get through them. We don’t have to be perfect. It’s okay to be sad. We get to choose how to deal with the bad things, just as we know how to deal with the good things. When we make bad choices, we can recover. One bad choice does not define us and this too shall pass. It’s okay to mess up. We’re all still learning. Do our kids really know this? Do they know how to make mistakes? I don’t know for sure, but I’m hoping we teach them to fail and to be resilient.
No one thing or event defines all of us. We can be broken and we can start again. We can be forgiven and we can rebuild. We have to be kind to ourselves and allow the pain to just be without feeding it.
I just ate an entire chocolate bar. I am feeling it. I am lost.
I don’t have to have all the answers and it’s okay to cry my eyes out. I did that tonight. I yelled tonight too. I’m so frustrated.
And then I wiped away my tears, and said enough. I didn’t want to cry the rest of the night. I was crying that ugly cry and it felt good to let it out and I don’t like to lose self control and to cry like that.
Charlie asked if I wanted to hear a good story. Thank God for the littles. I said yes, please. Lift me up and share something good because I am so sad right now. And he did.
He told me how he won a raffle prize tonight for wearing his shirt. Another new kid forgot to wear his member-shirt and this was his first year participating. Charlie chose to give his prize to the new kid and made his night. Seriously? He knows compassion already and to be self-less? Good job, Charlie boy. I am proud of you. You’re getting the meaning behind this life circus. I am proud of you and this story was just the right one I needed to hear tonight. Thank you for this precious gift. Thank you for being you, kind and loving and compassionate.
I smiled. I cried. I smiled again.
We are all a little broken. Let’s choose to take care of each other. Let’s choose to forgive others and ourselves and to offer do-overs and compassion. Let’s support one another and lift each other up.
And just maybe we’ll get through this life happily ever after together.
p.s. These little gifts brought light and warmth to me today, still a year later. Thank you Elizabeth and ML for your gifts of friendship. I love you.
Chase died 6 months ago today and I remember the foggy day and paying attention to the clouds.
Today I couldn’t stop watching the clouds again and their beauty. It rained off and on today and was windy and the cloud formations were stunning.
I even saw a rainbow.
I think the rainbow offers light and hope and peace.
I wish for peace for my cousin and our family and for you.
Love and light.
I am resting the best I can and doing 80% less at 50% capacity. I just made that up, but that’s what life feels like right now.
I went to the chiropractor again today and really don’t like that feeling at all. I feel like I’m being broken and put back together again like Humpty Dumpty. I don’t like hearing that I have a “condition” that will need more work.
I hope the physical therapy and massage will help loosen everything up and help me to strengthen and stretch the muscles and ligaments that are so tightly wound and pulling me out of balance. I like balance.
I am letting go of expectations and I am patiently waiting for my normal to return. It feels so weird to me not to exercise and not to be doing all the chores I normally do. I am adapting and asking for help. I am accepting the break and slowing down, whether I like it or not.
One way that I can relax is by watching movies. Today I went to see Imitation Games at the theater and enjoyed eating buttery popcorn in a high-backed seat that was really comfortable. This movie was excellent and very touching. I highly recommend seeing it as it is very well done and is entertaining.
Tonight I am sitting on the couch and am going to watch some recorded shows and read some magazines. I think I might actually enjoy this!
What do you like to do to relax and slow down?
I hope you are well and have a fabulous weekend, doing what you love with loved ones.
It’s Gratitude Gift Giving, day 17 and I wanted to share a story of hope and joy.
“It’s wonderful, wonderful. It’s great for the youngster and it’s great for the city of San Francisco and the whole region. Saving lives for the day, I love it. It’s so good. A good deed in a weary world.” — San Francisco 49ers’ Head Coach Jim Harbaugh
The world sucked a little less this week.
A 5-year-old little boy who has been battling leukemia was granted his wish by the Make-a-Wish Foundation with the help of over 13,000 volunteers and the goodwill of San Francisco. He wanted to become Batman and save Gotham City. And so San Francisco was transformed into Gotham and little Miles had his wish come true as a fantasy world was brought to life, just for the day.
Batkid started in California, but with social media, his legacy made over 442 million potential impressions around the world. There were over 13,000 volunteers and over 339,000 tweets related to his story.
Why is his story so significant and why did it touch so many?
I think it’s pretty simple. I think Miles overcoming leukemia represents hope when things are bad. I think people wanted to help make his dream come true, because everyone loves a super hero and the fantasy world where good always overcomes evil. It’s what we long for in everyday life. We want to be part of something good. We want to help others. We want to celebrate life with each other, and Miles allowed us all to show up to his party.
We have such a strong desire for community and connection and being a part of Miles’ dream allowed thousands of people to do something, even if that was just to share his story, or to be a bystander, or to be part of the story set.
Miles’ story represents our need for goodness and to give and to help others and to focus on a happy ending.
Humanity doesn’t suck. We are good. And we have good things to share, despite the bad that also exists. There will always be other causes and different ways to make a difference and we should not judge how we choose to contribute to the greater good of society.
I am hopeful.
Today was a day filled with community. My sisters and I and the kids went to church and connected with our friends. We enjoyed an hour of sitting together quietly.
After church, we worked together to feed the kids and prepare for our going away party at the park.
I loved being at the park today and spending time with so many friends and family. I realized how many connections we’ve made here over the past 11 years and I’m so thankful. I grew up in a town where everyone knew each other and I feel like we have that here now too. That’s a cool thing. I took pictures of everyone I could so that I can carry the memories with me.