Do It Anyway

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Today was a gorgeous day. The sunlight was amazing and lasted late into the warm night.

Charlie wanted to go back outside one more time before it was too dark. I resisted at first, saying he needed to finish his homework. He promised he would and begged for ten more minutes with the cool breeze on his face.

I had just mentioned how I loved the feel of the cool breeze coming in from the kitchen window and he used my words. How could I resist?

I told him okay, he could go out again, if he’d come back and study a bit more. He then asked me if I wanted to come outside with him, and of course, my thoughts were no way! I was done. It was almost 8pm and I was ready to be resting on the couch. He asked me again, saying he wanted to play with me. How could I resist?

I have all these wise women who have taught me along the way that the time we have with our kids is actually short and that we will miss them wanting us one day. I believe in their wisdom, so I said yes. I went outside, anyway, despite my reservations and different expectations. I enjoyed shooting baskets with him and seeing how good he is at long shots. I loved how he shared the ball with me. I loved the neighbor’s dog who came up on the driveway to greet us. I did it anyway and was happy I did. I always am and never regret doing the work once I do it and actually dive in.
What are you resisting and would you be happier if you did it anyway? I’m curious.

Happy Doing!

1Feb2016

Knowing and Doing

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

This is a simple post.

Knowing what to do and how to do it is easy. Doing what you’re supposed to do or implementing what you know is the hard part.

Sometimes the hardest part is just beginning, like going out for a run, making dinner, starting a diet, doing homework, beginning a project and on and on.

So if you’re resisting doing what you know you have to do, just begin and get past your own thoughts and personal limitations. Even if it’s a slow start, it still counts.

BEgin.

nAMaste

11Oct2015

Gun Control

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Let’s talk about gun control and how to protect our kids, our future, and our society.

The only shooting I ever want to see is this type, someone shooting on goal.

Gun control starts years before anyone even thinks about picking up a gun.

Let’s start with respect. Respect your parents. Respect your elders. Respect yourself and others and others’ property. Respect your teachers.

Partners – respect and love your chosen partner and do your part to create love and peace in your home daily. Honor one another.

Do your work. Always. And stop complaining. Just do it. Doing the work takes discipline and discipline is needed in just about anything you value.

Be more self less and less self entitled.

Hold the door open for others.

Give love and respect freely.

Understand and feel compassion for others.

Practice the art of connection. Smiles are free. Look someone in the eye and greet them. Call your mom. Call your grandmother. Call your best friend. Return a text message or voicemail or email in a reasonable amount of time.

Be friendly. Be a good friend. Celebrate your friends’ gifts.

Call of duty means something significant. A call of duty is to serve and to protect our country. It’s not hours spent in front of a video screen playing a violent game and feeling nothing.

Go outside and play and run around and learn to be responsible and to get along with others in your neighborhood.

Exercise.

Know your neighbors and talk to them.

Give back to your community without expecting anything in return. Help one another.

Mental illness is real and we need to talk about it more. We need better systems to treat and medicate those with this illness and to support the family members who bear the responsibility for their loved ones with this type of incapacitation.

Have empathy and try to understand how lucky you are and how others might not be as fortunate as you.

Make time for family dinners or a family breakfast or a family walk. Make time to see and to listen to each other and to connect with your family members. You are important to them and they are important to you.

Follow your moral compass. Religious institutions provide structure and purpose. Choose yours wisely and give of yourself to your beloved institution.

Be mindful. Think before you act.

Go to bed and sleep 8-10 hours. We are sleep deprived and we need more sleep to be healthier.

Make your bed every morning.

Choose the harder right versus doing what’s instantly satisfying.

Work. Then play. In that order.

Laugh. It feels good.

Be nice.

Be okay.

If we collectively practice what we value, maybe we’ll create more happiness, love and light in this world. One Love.

We’ll practice gun control by keeping them locked up in safes to protect us from evil instead of creating evil acts with them.

The best gun control happens between your ears.

nAMaste

25Feb2015

The Lonely Years

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

When kids are little, we love (over)sharing stories and pictures of our pride and joy. It’s easy to share the cute and good stuff.

Have you noticed when kids start to grow up, we share less and less? Part of that is because of their privacy and they have a say about what they want others to know about them and we respect their wishes. Part of it is because it’s not as easy any more. Some stuff is embarrassing and challenging for us and for them. We don’t want people to know we are struggling and are vulnerable. And our kids don’t want others to know either.

But we do struggle and we are vulnerable and that’s ok and totally normal too. Our kids are still cute and our pride and joy, we just have to be a little quieter for awhile. Know what I mean?

Here’s what we’re focusing on at our house this week:

The top three words – consistency, discipline and do-the-work are important reminders for all of us, and especially for me and my parenting and weight management skills. Thank you to my tribe of sisters for their reminders and encouragement. You are loved!

The bottom word, togetherness, is my word of the year. So far, so good.

Love this life. Trials and all.

Namaste and goodnight.

22Jan2015

On Being Married

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

“Let all that you do be done in Love.” – 1 Corinthians 16:14

I’ve been married for 17+ years. I fell in love with my husband literally at first sight and felt like I had seen a rock star. I could hardly acknowledge him when he first said hello to me as he took my breath away. I’ve always had a crush on him, yet being married has not always been easy.

The hardest years of our marriage came when I quit work to be a stay at home mom and we moved to the suburbs. I felt lost and alone with a toddler and a baby on the way and trying to transition to our new lifestyle, while he was busy working at a start up and trying to provide for our family on his own. We were both going through our own life changes and we struggled for a long time, even though we always loved each other.

I am thankful that we chose to stay faithful to our vows and to work through our differences and grievances. Love wins when both partners do the work and both stay committed to the contract you both signed, remembering and recalling in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. Having a marriage license made our relationship sticky when we felt we were slipping. Luckily we were able to keep flowing and growing, as I know this is a challenge.

I think the secret to a healthy marriage is to stay focused on the mission and each other and to take care of one another, even when you don’t want to and you don’t know which way is up. It also helps when you admire each other. We shared a belief in each other and our family and this was more important than our individual needs. We also choose to never go to bed angry and to agree to disagree, because we are more important than any one thing. My favorite mindful meditation I always say to myself when I get frustrated with him or anyone I love is “I love you more than anything you can say or do.” These words are powerful and have helped me through the years to stay focused on the greater good.

I didn’t mean to start writing about all this, as I was just going to share a picture of our date today on our hike. I felt like I had to explain that we’ve been working hard all these years and now that the kids are getting older and less needy, we are finding more time to spend together again. I was so happy that he chose to go hiking with me today and that I got to be out in nature with my best friend, sharing something that I love to do every week, and now with him. I love that he loves me and wants to hang out and share my joy.

What are some things that make your marriage or relationship happy?

Life is good and I am thankful.

Wishing you a loving and happy, healthy relationship. Namaste.

28Sep2014

Living in the Moment

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Do you do this? How do you do it? What does it look like?

I think living in the moment means being present, and creating space and allowing time to do what you love and not being too busy or too tired and just doing what you love.

What do you love and are you giving yourself enough time to enjoy your moments? Sometimes this means work and I’m pretty sure it’s always worth it, if we can just push past or through the excuses, fears and doubts.

What I love the most in life are my relationships with my BFFs and my family.

One example of living in the moment came tonight when one of my international BFFs from 18 years ago was passing through town this weekend. I thought she was coming to town next weekend but she was actually in town this weekend!! The last time we saw each other was 6 years ago, and even though so much time passes by, we still just pick up where we leave off.

Instead of being too tired or busy, we made the time to see each other after I flew back from Laguna Beach. I was thankful that she chose to connect with me, with her full schedule and I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to see her face again and to give her a hug. We made it work and shared a family meal together and for this moment, I am thankful. Love you KG!

1May2014

Do It Anyway

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Sometimes you don’t want to do what you need to do, what’s expected of you, or what someone else wants you to do. So what? Do it anyway.

Don’t want to workout? Do it anyway.

Don’t want to stick to your diet? Do it anyway.

Don’t want to read one more bedtime story? Do it anyway.

Don’t want to study anymore? Do it anyway.

Feel tired and don’t want to go to one more kid or social activity? Do it anyway.

As long as you’re not in pain or causing pain or something else that would result in a negative outcome, do the work, suck it up, and do it anyway.

We usually find happiness as an outcome from doing the work, which is usually counterintuitive to what we think. We tend to want to be lazy, or to make excuses, I mean reasons, for why we can’t do something. But if we just apply a little discipline and sacrifice, heck – we’ll probably be a little happier by doing vs. avoiding.

Happy now? I thought so. 🙂

10Feb2014

Consistency

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

What do you consistently do with consistency?

I have been thinking about that lately and wondered how consistent we are and how consistency helps to establish habits, rituals, structure and managed expectations.

In some areas of my life I am consistent and in others I am not.

For example, I have been consistently writing this blog for 695 days. Blogging every night has become a welcome habit and ritual that I enjoy. Sometimes it is challenging as I don’t know what to share, and sometimes I feel like I have too much to say. Some nights I am so tired and fall asleep while I’m writing and am afraid of what I publish! But at least I’m consistently writing – sometimes good, sometimes so-so, but I’m consistent! 😉

I drink coffee with consistency and love this ritual too. I especially love it when my husband wakes up before me and has the coffee ready before I get out of bed. I love the smell, the sound of the beep telling us the pot is ready, and taking that first sip.

I consistently work out and love that exercise is part of my daily routine. I have a weekly plan that provides structure for my days and gives me things to look forward to doing each week.

I am consistently trying to lose weight, but my practice is inconsistent. I love to eat and want to lose 10 pounds and these goals are inconsistent. Therefore, I struggle.

Sometimes when we’re inconsistent, we struggle until we figure out what we really want and value and then do the work to support those goals. Story of life, right?

I was talking to my 70 year old dental hygienist who lost her husband 6 years ago suddenly when he died at the age of 67 while out for a jog. She said that after you go through something like that, your perspective on life changes and you live more for the moment. That is, until you forget and get busy again. I loved her analogy and that she had the wisdom to know to live in the moment as much as possible and to take days off from work to play and travel and be with her kids and grandkids. I loved that she knew the importance of life, yet she got stuck too; that life sometimes just happens and you forget until you remember again and start living. Great sage advice. We’re all perfectly imperfect. And we should try to be consistent with what we love, but gentle on ourselves when we’re not.

I like that.

22Aug2013

Love and Responsibility

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Here I Am.

I Am still writing.

I Am curious.

I Am learning and sharing and connecting and I’ve discovered I actually like writing.

Today I feel like I have a responsibility to write about love and compassion. I wonder if that’s why I’m still writing even after my journey abroad is over.

I hear all the messages about being the change you want to see in the world and I hope that my one way of living and writing is a testament to love and compassion. I am not perfect. I just am.

I am sad today reading about the death of Chris Lane in Oklahoma at the hands of our youth who thought it was ok to kill someone because they were bored. What were they thinking and how were they raised? Who are their parents? What were they missing in their lives? What causes people to behave in such uncivilized ways in the land of opportunity? I have lots of questions. Why is someone bored at 17 and 18? Do something. Work. Volunteer. There is no reason to be bored. I could go on and on. Rest in peace, Chris and I wish your family and fiancé the strength to move through this next phase of life without you.

I am sad about the man with mental illness in Georgia who felt like he didn’t have a reason to live and wanted to die and almost killed others.

I am inspired by Antoinette Tuff, the woman who confronted the 20 year old and made a connection with him by sharing her struggles and survival story and offering love and compassion, despite the death threat facing her. She saved lives. She is a hero. She went above and beyond her job or her duty to save others. She put others first and saved not only her own life but those of others as well.

There are so many mixed views on politics, religion, race, gun control and mental illness, just to name a few of the hot topics that seem to divide us.

I wonder, maybe naively, what would happen if we went back to loving ourselves, loving each other, listening, strengthening our communities and our homes by being more loving and accepting and giving, despite our differences, what might happen. Would we change our story and create a different kind of history? I wonder. I wonder if kids had to work harder and did more chores and had more responsibilities and accountability if they would have more of a sense of purpose and feel more a part of their family and community. Hmm.

I wonder if we talked more about the things we have in common and the good we see in the world, if it would work like positive discipline. That is, if we see the good and focus on the good, we might tend to follow and mimic each other and keep creating good things. We’d reward and recognize and see the good in each other and the good in ourselves and create a better place. I wonder if that works. And what if the media focused on these stories instead of all the drama, if our collective story might change? Would that be possible? Hmm.

I wish I could change the world. For now, I choose love. I choose to notice the good and to continue to try to live the best life possible. Perfectly imperfectly. And hopefully my one life will make a difference.

Namaste.

14Jun2013

Day 324: Do The Work…

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Admiring the gifts of friendship…

I went to bed at 2 am this morning. I was still on a high from last night’s celebration and in denial that I had to get up by 7 am to start cleaning for the landlord, a real estate agent and a couple who were coming to look at our house at 8:15 this morning. The kids had late start for school (9:20 am vs. 8:30 am on Fridays), so it was totally doable to squeeze in a visit from these guys before school, right?? What, am I crazy? Yes, just a little bit… but I’m sure that’s what you find endearing about me, right? 😉

The good thing is that my house was picked up and decluttered by 8 am and was ready to receive guests. Really? I have to remember that this is possible, because I wouldn’t believe it if you told me it was true. It felt really good to be dressed, lunches made, kitchen cleaned up and ready to take the kids to school an hour before usual.

The landlord was very happy and thankful and he was respectful of our need to get out of the house by 9 am. Everyone cooperated and I think got what they needed. This made me happy, because we all flexed to take care of each other and did the work to make this transition as smooth as possible. He later emailed me, asking for my help with a key and dropped by later in the afternoon to make a copy . When he came back, he brought me gifts, thanking me for being kind and flexible and willing to work with him. I was touched that he was so generous and kind back. I love when life works like this. Let’s remember to take care of each other, even if it means a slight inconvenience for ourselves. Life is good.