Tag Archives: Love

The Greatest Gift Is Love

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I am the luckiest girl in the world. 

My mama and pops came to see me again. I think we should make this an annual tradition.

They came for no special reason and just because they love me and because I was home sick and was having parent withdrawals! 

We shared a glass of wine before dinner and just chatted and caught up with our busy lives. I kept sitting on my mama and hugging her, and rubbing my toes on her feet, kissing her and soaking all of her in. 

I made a big pot of Thai yellow curry, jasmine rice and pickled cucumbers for dinner and served pumpkin pie and ice cream for dessert.  After dinner, we watched some baseball and snuggled on the couch. I am so thankful they are here with me to just sit and be.

These are my favorite days.

Life is good.

  

The Best Gift

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 I love surprises and unexpected attention.

Tonight I was sitting at my computer around 10 pm and Juliana was getting ready for bed. She came to me with a really hot wash cloth that had been warmed in the microwave to wash my face. She knows how much I love this ritual and how I don’t usually take the time to care for my skin the way I should. I’ve taught her to wash her face, but I don’t do such a good job of modeling this behavior.  When I do heat up a wash cloth and put it on my face, it brings such great and simple joy and I melt into the comfort of the moment of the warmth, taking my breathe away.

When she unexpectedly brought me this gift tonight for no reason other than she loves me, I felt like it was my birthday. I felt cherished and was so happy that she surprised me and took care of me, knowing how much I would appreciate this simple gesture. She knows I’m tired and she took a moment to connect and to pamper me before going off to her room.

Thank you, Juliana. I’m the luckiest mama!

If you’ve never heated up a wet washcloth in the microwave and enjoyed the steam on your face, you’ll want to try it. I think you’ll love it too.

Wishing you love and sweet, simple, connections and comforts.

nAMaste

 

 

It’s Up To You…

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to BE-lieve.

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That’s what Mendel, from Budapest shared tonight on Oprah Winfrey’s Belief series, after he celebrated his Bar Mitzvah.  If you didn’t get a chance to see the first episode, “Seekers,” I highly recommend seeking a copy and watching it for yourself.  There are 6 more episodes coming up and I can’t wait to see what comes next.

I always talk about my belief in One Love – that we’re all connected, and this series highlights our common humanity weaved together and bound by our different threads of our different beliefs, life stories and journeys, yet still intertwined with love. One Love.

I learned a little bit about the Hindu faith and that the largest spiritual gathering in the world takes place at the Ganges River in India for the Kumbh Mela, where over 30 million people gather and bathe in the most sacred holy river.  Seeing their celebratory joy and soulful connections made me smile.

The evangelical Christian faith was also shared and expressed through immersion cleansing and healing in water. I liked the connection between the two faiths through water.

The connections between the two young boys, one from an Australian Aboriginal tribe who was learning to become the leader and keeper of the songs and dances that have been passed down for over 50,000 years, and one practicing and reciting the Torah and learning the traditions from his father and elder males from his temple really resonated with me.  Both boys were being entrusted with becoming leaders and believers in their given faiths and were highly motivated, trained and disciplined.

It’s up to you to believe. What do you believe?

“Witness stories from around the world, united by one of the most basic human needs: a desire to find purpose and meaning in our lives.”  Read more: http://www.oprah.com/app/belief.html#ixzz3ozOLvueB

nAMaste

How to Stay Positive When You’re Brokenhearted

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Today was hard. It is the anniversary of Chase Varney’s death today and it sucks. He was only a high school, senior. My son will be a senior next year. This is too close to my heart and I adore and admire his mother and I can only imagine what she is feeling right now. Heart broken.

I felt paralyzed and helpless. I felt anger and sadness and loneliness. I felt compassion and frustration and helplessness. I also felt grateful and guilty. I felt present and short-tempered and nervously laughed a lot. I was anxious.

I am not in control and I feel vulnerable and fearful and sad and mad all at the same time.

How is one supposed to be positive when you’re dealing with such negative feelings?

This is what we need to learn to do. We need to learn to carry on, despite the S*(#.  We need to teach our kids and ourselves that we are going to face ugly moments and days and we can get through them. We don’t have to be perfect. It’s okay to be sad. We get to choose how to deal with the bad things, just as we know how to deal with the good things.  When we make bad choices, we can recover. One bad choice does not define us and this too shall pass. It’s okay to mess up. We’re all still learning. Do our kids really know this? Do they know how to make mistakes? I don’t know for sure, but I’m hoping we teach them to fail and to be resilient.

No one thing or event defines all of us. We can be broken and we can start again. We can be forgiven and we can rebuild. We have to be kind to ourselves and allow the pain to just be without feeding it.

I just ate an entire chocolate bar. I am feeling it. I am lost.

I don’t have to have all the answers and it’s okay to cry my eyes out. I did that tonight. I yelled tonight too. I’m so frustrated.

And then I wiped away my tears, and said enough. I didn’t want to cry the rest of the night. I was crying that ugly cry and it felt good to let it out and I don’t like to lose self control and to cry like that.

Charlie asked if I wanted to hear a good story. Thank God for the littles. I said yes, please. Lift me up and share something good because I am so sad right now. And he did.

He told me how he won a raffle prize tonight for wearing his shirt. Another new kid forgot to wear his member-shirt and this was his first year participating. Charlie chose to give his prize to the new kid and made his night. Seriously? He knows compassion already and to be self-less? Good job, Charlie boy. I am proud of you. You’re getting the meaning behind this life circus. I am proud of you and this story was just the right one I needed to hear tonight. Thank you for this precious gift. Thank you for being you, kind and loving and compassionate.

I smiled. I cried. I smiled again.

We are all a little broken. Let’s choose to take care of each other. Let’s choose to forgive others and ourselves and to offer do-overs and compassion. Let’s support one another and lift each other up.

And just maybe we’ll get through this life happily ever after together.

nAMaste

p.s. These little gifts brought light and warmth to me today, still a year later. Thank you Elizabeth and ML for your gifts of friendship. I love you.


When It Hurts

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I want to use a swear word, but I’ll hold myself back.

Stuff happens all the time and we don’t always like it or know what to do with it, especially the stuff we didn’t choose to happen.

We tend to focus on the good stuff and we seem to know what to do with that. But what about the bad stuff? How do we know how to go on again and reclaim our future and redefine our new path and accept that it’s ok to move on from here?

It’s hard to know.

It’s coming up on the one year anniversary that Chase died and we’re feeling it. We’re not really sure what to do with the feelings and there are no simple solutions or one size, fits all remedy. We want to reach out and connect and console one another and talk about it, and it hurts.  We want to offer comfort and care, and we’re not sure how best to do it. We want to give gifts and be together and share our stories and hear each other.  Maybe we just have to be.

I lit a candle and said a prayer. I called and texted loved ones. All throughout the days, while I’m working and driving and thinking, I am sitting with and feeling the sadness and loss more so again this week and am trying to accept it.  I wonder when the acceptance phase kicks in.

We don’t have all the answers.

To all who are hurting, I wish you love and peace and hope to carry on.

We love you Chase and miss you.

namaste

The Good Life Quilt

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What if we could stitch a quilt of love between us?

What if we could take the values that give our life meaning and stitch them together and create a warm blanket to share?

What would you include in this quilt?  Would we all include the same things?

I would weave the common good, courage, justice, love, peace, kindness, truth, compassion, fairness, tolerance, acceptance, hope, freedom, passion, creativity, integration, justice, and connection.

  
What values would you add?

What would be the purpose of this Good Life Quilt?

I think having one would provide us warmth and something to share. It’s colors and diversity and patterns would be woven together and give us something beautiful to touch and to see and to build together.

When Charlie was born, he almost died. We were filled with fear and did not know what was wrong with him for 6, agonizing days.  We had no idea whether he would live or not  We had no control. And we just had to wait and watch and pray. We were scared and it was a very lonely feeling, even though there were so many that wanted to help us. One thing that provided comfort in the sterile intensive care unit, was a handmade quilt inside his bed. I wondered where it came from and why it was there. It was stitched by a volunteer group who gave of their time and their talents and added warmth and color and a sense of home to his little bassinet. It felt like a warm hug and provided hope of normalcy, that one day he’d be in a cozy bed in our home. Dreams do come true.

May you be covered with a Good Life Quilt and stay warm and loved.

nAMaste

The Teens Are Alright

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We had a Friday Night Light High School football game tonight at the Levi Stadium. 

I brought a car full of kids to the game and then they split up and sat with their friends. This made me slightly nervous and since the stadium was not nearly full and brought in a different crowd, I didn’t feel too nervous to let them go. I did feel strange being at the game by “myself” and yet soon found friends to join. 

The irony was that as we moved around and found our own friends, Christian and his friend were seated right in front of me!!  

I enjoyed joking with and talking with the boys and was really happy that Christian’s friend wanted to talk with me.

After the game, we all met up and walked back to the car again. I told all 6 kids that we should take a group selfie together and they didn’t oppose. Since I didn’t ask them if I could share their photo, I’ll have to keep the memory close with me. 

Looking at the snapshot made me smile because my kids and their friends are awesome tweens and teens. 

They were funny and grateful and kind to one another and nice to me too.

 I enjoyed having the opportunity to share an experience together and that they were okay with me being around. I know I am supposed to let go and I am and maybe that’s why they’re okay hanging around because I let them just Be. 

Hmmm…I wonder.

The teens are alright and I think I’m okay with them growing up, if it continues to feel like this. 

Wishing you love and patience and to be alright.

nAMaste

You May Be Right

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These are my favorite words from today.

How many times a day are we offered an opinion or thought that is different than what we believe or expect or wish to hear?

Sometimes these differing opinions create emotional conflict and sometimes we get caught up in the flow of the discussion trying to prove our opinion and to prove we are right.

But what if we just say, “you may be right.” There might be another sentence to follow, or there may be silence. You get to pick how engaged and how long you wish to continue the debate, I mean discussion.

I’ll give you an example. 

Your daughter says to you, “My math teacher is terrible.” You might want to explain why this isn’t true and share your opinion and keep the conversation going. Or you might just acknowledge her and say, “You may be right”  and move on to the dishes or reading or anything else, but arguing.

I can’t usually stop at just one sentence. I usually have to add my opinion, as a good teacher and knowing better of course, and add an And conjunction.  

My response would be more like, “You may be right AND you’re still responsible for your own grade.”

This is a very handy statement for busy people like us, to change the conversation, to exit a conflict gracefully and to bow out without going on and on.  

You should try it the next time you feel like reacting and don’t want to get into it.  Who knows? I may be right. 🙂

Good Night!! xo

Things Aren’t Always the Way They Seem

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Be careful how much you read into other people’s photos or stories or headlines. Things aren’t always the way they seem and I think we need to remember this as we journey together through social media and the news.

I am a true idealist. I have big dreams, always. I create playlists in my head about how I think things should be.

Today I took the kids to Raging Waters because this was the wish of the little one. He wanted his siblings to spend the day with him and play and this was his dream, since he had a season pass. We made it happen and here is proof:

  
As I was taking this picture after we ate lunch, I was thinking of the morning and how the big ones protested. They didn’t want to go to a water park today. I know, crazy thought, but true. Who has to beg to bring kids to a water park to hang out and enjoy outdoor adventures together?  This is ridiculous, I know. But this was my truth and you’d never know from this picture of my happily ever after moment.  We are perfectly imperfect, remember?

I think this picture symbolizes probably a lot of other moments we see on our screens.  Everything looks happy yet there were arguments and frustrations before the snapshot. LB and I used to call these our Norman Rockwell moments where we had to take 50 shots to capture the one moment where we all looked happy at the same time so that we could remember what we envisioned in our heads.  This makes me laugh and I hope you can share this connection and say, “Yeah!! That’s so true and real and funny!”

We actually were enjoying THIS moment.  It was just the journey getting here that was frustrating, but of course that wouldn’t make for a happy story.

I did actually learn some things today about raising teenagers. I learned I need to make quicker decisions. I learned that even when they aren’t interested, they sometimes are. And I learned to practice patience. They all came around and we had a great day together, living in the sunshine.

   
  

Life is good. 

Stories Connect Us

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Juliana asked me why I choose to write every day and share something about my life.  

We all have a story to share and I like discovering connections between mine and yours. Our stories are always changing which makes us all so very interesting. 

Writing my story helps me to show up every day and to be thankful for what is.  It’s like yoga for the mind – being present on the page.

And when you, my BeLoveRs, write back by whatever means (email, text, Facebook, comments, etc) and connect and relate your story with mine, we share a moment of our spirits being connected and this is ReaLLy cool to me.

Writing also captures the highlights of the history I am creating daily.  It’s my digital scrapbook that just happens to be public and I treasure this as I don’t take the time to scrapbook otherwise and I have a bad memory. 

Listen the next time you’re at the table and see how the conversation goes. Listen for the connections and the history and for the stories of our lives that make us who we are and bind us together.
Our stories connect us. 

To be continued…