Whatever Will Be Will Be

It’s been a week, no months, of pushing and watching and questioning and wondering and flexing and letting go and accepting what is to be and flowing with it.

On Thursday, it began. Christian, my high school senior, came home early from school for our lunch date, but I had a work meeting. He went and picked up lunch for us and while I was working, he decided he was going to finally work on his college applications. I’ve been pushing and questioning and wondering and exploring and asking him to own this process since the beginning of summer. He decided that he wanted to go to community college and didn’t want to go through the college app process, and that he was happy with staying local. I accept my kids’ choices and yet I always push them to the edge and maybe over their comfort zone and I question their motivation and intention. I am okay with their decisions and I want to be sure they think through the costs and benefits and risks, every step they take. I ask the hard questions, set up challenges, and then give them space to own their decisions and the path they choose to take.

Well, on Thursday he decided he was going to apply to the University of Iowa and he decided he was going to fill out the application that day. While I was wrapping up work, he requested that I push my computer aside so that I could look over his online application on his laptop. Let me just say I was surprised and curious and supportive and perplexed and thankful and scared. I helped validate the form and gave my credit card number to pay for the application fee, all while wondering where did this come from?  I was proud that he (finally) decided to begin the process before the almost deadline. We clicked send and then I wondered, “what if?”

Flash forward to today, when I was busy working again to put money away for the kids’ college fund, when I received a text: 



And just like that, our thoughts have shifted and the opportunity is in front of us and we are thankful and curious and shocked and excited for the possibilities. Who knows what will come next, but for now I am thankful for the journey and know that whatever will be will be…and I am proud of Christian and wish him well as he navigates this next stage. Congratulations!! Be still my heart. 

Day 55: Summer

here I am, happily taking the back seat.


With her dad in the front seat by her side, I was definitely the back seat driver and had a hard time keeping my mouth shut. 

Today was another new moment and I could see my baby girl growing up and doing things her way. 

While we were out teaching her to drive, Charie cooked dinner for us after I started the rice in the rice cooker. We came home and all enjoyed a delicious dinner out on the patio togetherZ

When I forget whether I enjoyed this summer Staycation at the end of summer, remind me of this moment, and the time and space we shared slowing down and enjoying whatever came our way.

Life is good.

xo

Day 17: Summer


All these lemons came from the same tree, and this picture made me think of my kids.

You see I’m thankful that I have one large, one medium and one small one.  As the two big ones are growing up and becoming more independent and less needy of me, I still have the small one to grow for a little while longer and this makes me very happy.  Having the little one makes me remember that the big one was once small too and makes me even more aware that the little one is going to get bigger too one day, which makes me be even more present with all three of them. This is an amazing, little, magical gift of three.

Today the little one and I went to the craft store together to get stuff to make stuff. We like to make things together and I love that he is creative. He picked out a wood burning tool and some wood pieces to create some art, even though we were really going in the store to find neon, erasable white board markers that would show up on his metal black board. Luckily we found some of those too on the clearance rack. 

And that’s my happily ever after story for the day.  How was your day?  Did you make lemonade from lemons today?  

Oh, and P.S., This was my way of making lemonade out of lemons today…I was actually momentarily sad about the feeling of letting go and really knowing that my kids are growing up. There’s usually a back story to every happily ever after, isn’t there? Just sayin’

nAMaste BeLoveRs

Lockdown

“we’re in lockdown”

These are not words you want to receive from your daughter and son.

“i’m scared”

Me too.

The lockdown didn’t last long. Just long enough for adrenaline to rush through my veins and to leave me shaken again. Vulnerable. Afraid. Helpless. Nervous. Scared. Angry.

“we’re on the ground”

Stay calm. Breathe. Do what they tell you and cooperate. Fight if you have to.

What the hell are these words?

I hated this afternoon. I hated the feelings that some teenager walking with a toy gun created for our family, our friends and our community.

Luckily they were freed and everyone was safe and physically unharmed. Emotionally, I still don’t feel good, even though the situation didn’t last very long. I felt helpless and mad that my kids had to experience this fear and had to lie on the ground without knowing if they were safe or not, while I helplessly waited for their homecoming.

When they came home, I cried and hugged them and cleared my schedule. I was thankful that the local police had the situation under control immediately and the kids were freed to come home to their worried mama, who was texting and calling and searching for answers while I anxiously waited.

When they came home, we all sat on the couch and watched Gilmore Girls on Netflix. We didn’t stress about dinner or homework. Afterwards, Juliana and I went to relax and got pedicures together, on a Monday at dinner time, instead. This made me happy.

Hug your kids and loved ones and enjoy the shared moments.

nAMaste BeLoveRs. Carry on. All is well.

 

 

 

 

 

Clear the Clutter

Clearing the clutter sparks joy! I love creating space and don’t want to stop. This invigorates me.

  
Today I cleared out my plates and bowls cupboard and removed all the small dishes that no longer spark joy.  I had so many little dishes for this and that and loved them once upon a time. I didn’t love the chaos behind the doors and today was the day to create space and to let go.  I touched each piece and thanked them for their service and their memories and put them in a box to give away.

Thank you Marie Kondo for writing your book that has inspired so many to tidy up! Thank you Helena for leading the way and inspiring me to be like you. I loved seeing your clean cabinets, rolled up clothes and piles and bags to give away! Way to go, girl!!

I love this new way of spring cleaning, creating space and letting go.

Happy Easter!!

xo

The Other Side

   

My other mother passed to the other side of life today after a long and brave fight with cancer. I am feeling sad for her family and the end of her journey too soon.

I am thankful that you helped raise me and taught me such great morals and values. Thank you! You were a great role model and touched so many lives just by being you.  I loved how you always sent me birthday cards and signed them Mom #2.  I loved how you loved your family, especially your husband. I loved your determination to get on your bike no matter what. I loved that you lived out your Christian values.

You are loved and missed.  I hope you’re riding your bike all the way to heaven! 

nAMaste