This is a simple post.
Knowing what to do and how to do it is easy. Doing what you’re supposed to do or implementing what you know is the hard part.
Sometimes the hardest part is just beginning, like going out for a run, making dinner, starting a diet, doing homework, beginning a project and on and on.
So if you’re resisting doing what you know you have to do, just begin and get past your own thoughts and personal limitations. Even if it’s a slow start, it still counts.
BEgin.
nAMaste
It’s been killing me to not write tonight. I gave myself permission not to, which is all I needed. I felt free!! And my spark came back.
I was feeling sad today about giving up my creative outlet. I made a really nice dinner and thought my cooking was my creative outlet and I enjoyed being in the moment chopping green beans and slicing flank steak across the grain for the stir fry I was preparing. I felt joy in taking the time to cook for my family and hoped they would appreciate my gift, which they all did.
But the real gift came when sitting with Juliana, eating dinner just the two of us before our evening events.
I told her about my blog post last night and she was shocked and told me that she thought I was making a bad choice. She reminded me about how much I love writing and how it’s been the consistent thing I do every day and how it’s been the common thread since before we moved to Amsterdam. She reminded me that it’s my “nAMaste at the end of the day” and it’s my mindfulness practice and time to reflect. That girl makes me think and my mind is open to her opinion, even when hers is different than mine. Although, she just brought out the truth I was hiding. She was right.
As we sat and chatted together, Zuma came and parked herself on my lap. This is the cat that doesn’t want to be held and does her own thing and doesn’t want to be bothered. Yet last night and today, she came and sat on me and made me sit still. I wanted to move and do work, yet I stayed and listened to her too. When I tried to take her picture, she hid in my lap and made me smile.
Sometimes you need to slow down and just be. So I did.
And tonight when I thought I wasn’t going to write, I saw Cassie’s story circles post on Facebook. She does the same thing that I do every night, except she reflects on her day through art and she does it every night after the house quiets down. It’s her ritual, just like mine. She shows up and takes time for herself, being creative and doing what she loves, even when she’s tired.
So Juliana and Cassie, thank you for inspiring me to keep writing. I’m not ready to stop tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not. Just knowing that I have the freedom to not write on any given night is a gift. Isn’t it weird how we make up our own rules and change them? I’ll leave you with that thought…
nAMaste at the end of the day.
xo
I tend to share the ups on the teeter-totter of life.
I thought I’d share a teetering moment as I try to find my balance again.
I am transitioning from a stay at home mom to a part time working mom and I don’t have it quite figured out yet.
I am trying to let go of some of the expectations from my previous path as I journey on down this new road and it’s a bit bumpy, as I want to do it all.
I think there is always chaos in the transition and once I master the steps, it’ll seem easy again. But right now I feel the stress and it’s ok, it just is and I have two pimples on my face as proof.
I’ve decided my priorities are:
1. My family. I want to cook and to pick kids up from school and drive them where they need to go. I want to be present when they are home and be able to listen and share stories together while we can.
2. Exercise. I have to exercise for my sanity. It’s a requirement that’s not negotiable and I keep forgetting this. Today I remembered and it felt so good, especially on a Monday.
3. My work. I’m excited about my new job and creating something new and being part of a great team. I like using my brain and like that I’m actually making money again, after 15 years of volunteering.
4. My clean house. I need order and chaos under control in my outer environment to maintain my inner sanity. This is teetering today but I’ll get it back in order before I go to bed.
5. My girlfriends. I need them. They are my emotional support and I love sharing our stories together.
6. My volunteer commitments. I still love giving back to my community and this one is a little bit harder now. Today I let go of one of my commitments and it did not feel good. I can’t continue in the role I had and work too, at least not right now. I’m ok with the decision now, but in the moment I struggled.
7. My writing. I’m still enjoying this outlet and love that so many of you find a connection with me and share your ideas and comments. I may try writing at different times of the day and maybe skipping a day or two, to let go of the pressure and expectation to produce new content daily. We’ll see. I’m not ready to change this process just yet, but I don’t want to teeter too long.
I like balance, amidst the yin and the yang.
How about you? Are you feeling centered or are you teetering too? Are there things you need to change and burdens you need to let go to find your core again? Change is good. Embrace it and enjoy the ride.
xoxo thanks for reading xoxo
I used to really dislike cats. I never wanted to be near them and always complained. I thought they were gross and smelly and irritating and they made me sneeze and made my eyes water and generally made me feel horrible. If one came near me, I would move, which usually meant they would follow me. I think cats have a 6th sense.
My husband had cats when I first met him and I wondered how long they would last. I almost considered not dating him because of his feline friends and my extreme dislike for their presence. When they passed away from old age, I never wished for cats again.
Flash forward ten years.
Look at me know. This cat loves me and wants affection all the time. As soon as I sit for a minute, he shows up. I actually enjoy his company and this surprises me. He loves to sit right on my chest and rub all over my chin and face, giving me kisses. I allow this behavior and smile.
Who knew that a cat hater could become a cat lover? This is very odd to me and makes me wonder what other things in my mind might change over time. I wonder if we should get a dog?
How have you changed your mind dramatically?
Hmmm….
Happiness is “simple.” We just have to follow this little flow chart. I don’t think we should always expect to be happy though. Sometimes we need to wait until we’re ready to change again. I think being aware that we are unhappy is healthy too. We just have to decide how long we want to stay where we are.
If this was my own creation, I’d add another arrow leading from “Change Something” back up to the continuos happiness cycle, asking the question again after you change something to determine if that leads to happiness or not. Just because you change something does not necessarily lead to happiness again. I think we have to always be asking the questions and making decisions, every day. We’re never done.
The only thing that is constant is change.
Today I was happy having a mother daughter date with my teenager. I love that she wants to be with me and that I want to be with her. I love her company and watching her grow up, although today I wanted to slow down time. We both went to get haircuts together. Her hair is curlier than mine and we both had ours blown out and smoothed, the way only a hairdresser can make it shiny and sleek. Seeing her look so beautiful and grown up made me proud and awe struck again. She looked older and I think I looked a little younger, somehow. It’s weird to see me in her and her in me.
Celia made me think of parenthood this week with her FB post that said: “When you become a parent, you stop being the picture and become the frame.” Looking at Juliana today, I saw the picture developing and love my role as the loving boundary and frame.
I am happy.
This Halloween was different for me. My kids are growing up and our traditions have changed. I am aware.
We still had orange pumpkin pancakes for breakfast though.
Our schedules are busier than ever now and we didn’t make time to carve pumpkins together as a family, so just Charlie and I carved alone this afternoon.
We didn’t do our annual dinner party and the kids split up, doing different things. My role handing out candy even changed.
I did enjoy our last Halloween parade at our local elementary school, even with the rain. This was bittersweet!
This Halloween made me aware of time passing and the kids getting older and how everything changes.
I am also remembering Taylor who was killed by a drunk driver on Halloween years ago and remembering Chase.
Hope you enjoyed giving away treats and/or receiving them tonight.
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
Maya Angelou
Today is day 18 and I’m thinking about change. Change is not always comfortable, but it’s always happening, whether we like it or not.
I like to be aware of the changes that are happening in my life and hope that I’m learning to adapt quickly. Life is constantly changing and things don’t stay the same. Sounds so cliche, but it’s so true. And once we don’t expect things to stay the same, the happier we can be. We have to adapt to whatever comes our way, every damn day.
I wonder if that’s why I’m loving watching the trees every day. They are symbolic to life. I love watching how they change and I’m aware of their different states. I anticipate what will come next, even as I’m enjoying the present moment. Ahhh, trees. I like you.
Enjoying the end of the leaves
For those of us who have lost loved ones, this is probably the hardest change that we have to adapt to and probably takes the longest. Wishing you peace, especially to the Caselli family this week. Namaste.
We all go through transitions every day. Nothing stays the same, which is so obvious, but for some reason I think that someday things will be normal, but normal never comes, whatever that may be. And a new normal takes its place, which is normal and to be expected but it’s not! And I think that’s crazy.
Why do we expect things to stay the same or to reach a steady state? That’s probably just stupid thinking, but we do it anyway. And as soon as we think we’re ready to start something new, something else changes that we weren’t expecting. Hopefully one day I’ll stop being surprised.
I shared with my husband that we should expect 5 things to go wrong at home, 4 things to go wrong at work and 7 things to not go as planned with the kids. Don’t ask me where I got these numbers. I just made them up. My point was/is that we always really seem surprised when things didn’t go as expected, so I told him maybe if we changed our expectations and expected things to not go as planned, we’d feel more happy and not so surprised and have less drama. Really what I was sharing with him was what I’m trying to tell and teach myself so that I can flow with whatever comes my way and not feel like I’ve been given such a surprise. That makes sense, right?
So my new normal is to have a plan and then expect it to change and transition and flow with it, whatever it may be and to not feel so surprised or perplexed.
Like tonight. I planned to go to bed early and did all the work to be ready on time, but 3 things went wrong at home that changed my plan, and by wrong I mean differently than I had planned, which is really normal and not wrong, but just kept me up later than expected. Phew… did you follow all that?
I was going to write tonight about my parents leaving and the feelings of saying goodbye and transitioning again, but then the words took over and changed, along with the intent of this post, but I’ll just go with it. My new normal.
What’s your new normal?
Namaste.
“One who wants to always stay happy has to change often.”
Do you believe this to be true? Well, at least my tea bag says so.
I feel like this is my path… I like change and I hate it at the same time. I like routine and then I like to shake things up. I like to move to another country and then move back again. And when I move back, I don’t expect things to be the same. I don’t expect to do the same things and I’m already dreaming of what I’ll try and learn and do next. That’s exciting to me. I’m excited for the friends that will be there when I get back. And I’m excited to explore, play, laugh, eat, hike, run, kiss, hug, paddle, and just be together.
And if you’re not happy right now, just focus on your breathe. Close your eyes and feel the air filling your lungs and feel it exiting slowly out. It keeps changing without you even thinking about it. Keep focused on your breathe until you feel calm and ready to change your thoughts to bring you back to your happy place, wherever that may be. We get to change every minute! Make it a good one. 🙂
Do you have any favorite rituals? Usually when I try to make something a ritual, I get bored and change it. Maybe change is my ritual. Although my favorite ritual is Jeff making me coffee in the morning. However, I’ve been getting up before him and really want coffee right away, so I’ve been making my own coffee. See? There’s that change again.
I’ve been thinking that I need a new morning ritual. My mom used to exercise, have dinner planned, sometimes prepared and cooked, and the house clean, and she was showered with her lipstick on before 10 am. She was ready to go on with her day, whatever that looked like. How did she do IT? I know how – she was and IS super organized and is not a procrastinator and doesn’t have ADD! She also knows how to prioritize and doesn’t waste time on email or Facebook! I want to be like her when I grow up. 🙂
I was trying to think about what I actually want to do in the morning before the craziness of the day begins. Of course, my list is a 100+ things long. So I started last night by actually going to bed before midnight so that I could get up comfortably and easily in the morning. I decided that I’d get up at 6 am, do a few yoga stretches, drink a glass of water and then make my coffee – all before anyone else got up. And guess what? I did it this morning and it was a great start to the day. I’m going to try this one again tomorrow. I’m also going to plan what to make for dinner first thing in the morning or the night before. (Want to know what’s for dinner tomorrow? A baked pasta dish, as requested by my regular diners. That was easy. And for exercise? A tennis lesson tomorrow.) So simple, right?
Speaking of rituals, blogging has become a ritual. I have posted 200 posts – that means I’ve been writing every day for more than have a year. That’s crazy to me. I actually enjoy the process of writing at the end of the day. It’s sort of relaxing when I’m not trying to figure out what to share. But.. I’m considering changing this too. I don’t want my story to become stale, and I wonder if it’s starting to get boring, me talking every day. Maybe I’ll start counting my weeks or counting by 5’s. We’ll see. Thanks for following along with me on this crazy, journey.
Tell me – what is your favorite [daily/Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas/Birthday] ritual? I’m curious…
A Halloween Ritual from Last Year
here i am 
