Knowing and Doing

This is a simple post.

Knowing what to do and how to do it is easy. Doing what you’re supposed to do or implementing what you know is the hard part.

Sometimes the hardest part is just beginning, like going out for a run, making dinner, starting a diet, doing homework, beginning a project and on and on.

So if you’re resisting doing what you know you have to do, just begin and get past your own thoughts and personal limitations. Even if it’s a slow start, it still counts.

BEgin.

nAMaste

nAMaste at the End of the Day

It’s been killing me to not write tonight. I gave myself permission not to, which is all I needed. I felt free!! And my spark came back.

I was feeling sad today about giving up my creative outlet. I made a really nice dinner and thought my cooking was my creative outlet and I enjoyed being in the moment chopping green beans and slicing flank steak across the grain for the stir fry I was preparing. I felt joy in taking the time to cook for my family and hoped they would appreciate my gift, which they all did.

But the real gift came when sitting with Juliana, eating dinner just the two of us before our evening events.

I told her about my blog post last night and she was shocked and told me that she thought I was making a bad choice. She reminded me about how much I love writing and how it’s been the consistent thing I do every day and how it’s been the common thread since before we moved to Amsterdam. She reminded me that it’s my “nAMaste at the end of the day” and it’s my mindfulness practice and time to reflect. That girl makes me think and my mind is open to her opinion, even when hers is different than mine.  Although, she just brought out the truth I was hiding. She was right. 

As we sat and chatted together, Zuma came and parked herself on my lap. This is the cat that doesn’t want to be held and does her own thing and doesn’t want to be bothered. Yet last night and today, she came and sat on me and made me sit still. I wanted to move and do work, yet I stayed and listened to her too. When I tried to take her picture, she hid in my lap and made me smile.  

 Sometimes you need to slow down and just be. So I did.

And tonight when I thought I wasn’t going to write, I saw Cassie’s story circles post on Facebook. She does the same thing that I do every night, except she reflects on her day through art and she does it every night after the house quiets down. It’s her ritual, just like mine. She shows up and takes time for herself, being creative and doing what she loves, even when she’s tired.

So Juliana and Cassie, thank you for inspiring me to keep writing. I’m not ready to stop tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not. Just knowing that I have the freedom to not write on any given night is a gift. Isn’t it weird how we make up our own rules and change them? I’ll leave you with that thought…

nAMaste at the end of the day.

xo

Teetering

I tend to share the ups on the teeter-totter of life. 

I thought I’d share a teetering moment as I try to find my balance again. 

I am transitioning from a stay at home mom to a part time working mom and I don’t have it quite figured out yet. 

I am trying to let go of some of the expectations from my previous path  as I journey on down this new road and it’s a bit bumpy, as I want to do it all. 

I think there is always chaos in the transition and once I master the steps, it’ll seem easy again. But right now I feel the stress and it’s ok, it just is and I have two pimples on my face as proof. 

I’ve decided my priorities are:

1. My family. I want to cook and to pick kids up from school and drive them where they need to go. I want to be present when they are home and be able to listen and share stories together while we can.

  
2. Exercise. I have to exercise for my sanity. It’s a requirement that’s not negotiable and I keep forgetting this. Today I remembered and it felt so good, especially on a Monday.

  
3. My work. I’m excited about my new job and creating something new and being part of a great team. I like using my brain and like that I’m actually making money again, after 15 years of volunteering.

4. My clean house. I need order and chaos under control in my outer environment to maintain my inner sanity. This is teetering today but I’ll get it back in order before I go to bed. 

5. My girlfriends. I need them. They are my emotional support and I love sharing our stories together. 

6. My volunteer commitments. I still love giving back to my community and this one is a little bit harder now. Today I let go of one of my commitments and it did not feel good. I can’t continue in the role I had and work too, at least not right now. I’m ok with the decision now, but in the moment I struggled.

7. My writing. I’m still enjoying this outlet and love that so many of you find a connection with me and share your ideas and comments. I may try writing at different times of the day and maybe skipping a day or two, to let go of the pressure and expectation to produce new content daily. We’ll see. I’m not ready to change this process just yet, but I don’t want to teeter too long. 

I like balance, amidst the yin and the yang.

How about you? Are you feeling centered or are you teetering too?  Are there things you need to change and burdens you need to let go to find your core again?  Change is good. Embrace it and enjoy the ride.

  
xoxo thanks for reading xoxo

You Can Change Your Mind

I used to really dislike cats. I never wanted to be near them and always complained. I thought they were gross and smelly and irritating and they made me sneeze and made my eyes water and generally made me feel horrible.  If one came near me, I would move, which usually meant they would follow me. I think cats have a 6th sense.
My husband had cats when I first met him and I wondered how long they would last. I almost considered not dating him because of his feline friends and my extreme dislike for their presence.  When they passed away from old age, I never wished for cats again.

Flash forward ten years.

  
Look at me know. This cat loves me and wants affection all the time. As soon as I sit for a minute, he shows up. I actually enjoy his company and this surprises me. He loves to sit right on my chest and rub all over my chin and face, giving me kisses.  I allow this behavior and smile.

Who knew that a cat hater could become a cat lover?  This is very odd to me and makes me wonder what other things in my mind might change over time. I wonder if we should get a dog?

How have you changed your mind dramatically? 
Hmmm….

Are You Happy?

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Happiness is “simple.” We just have to follow this little flow chart.  I don’t think we should always expect to be happy though. Sometimes we need to wait until we’re ready to change again.  I think being aware that we are unhappy is healthy too.  We just have to decide how long we want to stay where we are.

If this was my own creation, I’d add another arrow leading from “Change Something” back up to the continuos happiness cycle, asking the question again after you change something to determine if that leads to happiness or not. Just because you change something does not necessarily lead to happiness again.  I think we have to always be asking the questions and making decisions, every day. We’re never done.

The only thing that is constant is change.

Today I was happy having a mother daughter date with my teenager. I love that she wants to be with me and that I want to be with her. I love her company and watching her grow up, although today I wanted to slow down time. We both went to get haircuts together. Her hair is curlier than mine and we both had ours blown out and smoothed, the way only a hairdresser can make it shiny and sleek.  Seeing her look so beautiful and grown up made me proud and awe struck again. She looked older and I think I looked a little younger, somehow. It’s weird to see me in her and her in me.

Celia made me think of parenthood this week with her FB post that said:  “When you become a parent, you stop being the picture and become the frame.”  Looking at Juliana today, I saw the picture developing and love my role as the loving boundary and frame.

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I am happy.

Happy Halloween!

This Halloween was different for me. My kids are growing up and our traditions have changed. I am aware.

We still had orange pumpkin pancakes for breakfast though.

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Our schedules are busier than ever now and we didn’t make time to carve pumpkins together as a family, so just Charlie and I carved alone this afternoon.

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We didn’t do our annual dinner party and the kids split up, doing different things. My role handing out candy even changed.

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I did enjoy our last Halloween parade at our local elementary school, even with the rain. This was bittersweet!

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This Halloween made me aware of time passing and the kids getting older and how everything changes.

I am also remembering Taylor who was killed by a drunk driver on Halloween years ago and remembering Chase.

Hope you enjoyed giving away treats and/or receiving them tonight.

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GGG – Day 18 – Change

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
Maya Angelou

Today is day 18 and I’m thinking about change. Change is not always comfortable, but it’s always happening, whether we like it or not.

I like to be aware of the changes that are happening in my life and hope that I’m learning to adapt quickly.  Life is constantly changing and things don’t stay the same. Sounds so cliche, but it’s so true. And once we don’t expect things to stay the same, the happier we can be. We have to adapt to whatever comes our way, every damn day.

I wonder if that’s why I’m loving watching the trees every day. They are symbolic to life. I love watching how they change and I’m aware of their different states. I anticipate what will come next, even as I’m enjoying the present moment. Ahhh, trees. I like you.  

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Enjoying the end of the leaves

For those of us who have lost loved ones, this is probably the hardest change that we have to adapt to and probably takes the longest. Wishing you peace, especially to the Caselli family this week. Namaste.