“we’re in lockdown”
These are not words you want to receive from your daughter and son.
The lockdown didn’t last long. Just long enough for adrenaline to rush through my veins and to leave me shaken again. Vulnerable. Afraid. Helpless. Nervous. Scared. Angry.
“we’re on the ground”
Stay calm. Breathe. Do what they tell you and cooperate. Fight if you have to.
What the hell are these words?
I hated this afternoon. I hated the feelings that some teenager walking with a toy gun created for our family, our friends and our community.
Luckily they were freed and everyone was safe and physically unharmed. Emotionally, I still don’t feel good, even though the situation didn’t last very long. I felt helpless and mad that my kids had to experience this fear and had to lie on the ground without knowing if they were safe or not, while I helplessly waited for their homecoming.
When they came home, I cried and hugged them and cleared my schedule. I was thankful that the local police had the situation under control immediately and the kids were freed to come home to their worried mama, who was texting and calling and searching for answers while I anxiously waited.
When they came home, we all sat on the couch and watched Gilmore Girls on Netflix. We didn’t stress about dinner or homework. Afterwards, Juliana and I went to relax and got pedicures together, on a Monday at dinner time, instead. This made me happy.
Hug your kids and loved ones and enjoy the shared moments.
nAMaste BeLoveRs. Carry on. All is well.
When kids are little, we love (over)sharing stories and pictures of our pride and joy. It’s easy to share the cute and good stuff.
Have you noticed when kids start to grow up, we share less and less? Part of that is because of their privacy and they have a say about what they want others to know about them and we respect their wishes. Part of it is because it’s not as easy any more. Some stuff is embarrassing and challenging for us and for them. We don’t want people to know we are struggling and are vulnerable. And our kids don’t want others to know either.
But we do struggle and we are vulnerable and that’s ok and totally normal too. Our kids are still cute and our pride and joy, we just have to be a little quieter for awhile. Know what I mean?
Here’s what we’re focusing on at our house this week:
The top three words – consistency, discipline and do-the-work are important reminders for all of us, and especially for me and my parenting and weight management skills. Thank you to my tribe of sisters for their reminders and encouragement. You are loved!
The bottom word, togetherness, is my word of the year. So far, so good.
Love this life. Trials and all.
Namaste and goodnight.
“Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the magic sauce. ” – Brene Brown
I’m vulnerable. Today and most days. Aren’t we all? Today, I’m especially aware of my vulnerability because I am still in pain and actually needed help. I needed help with having Tiger Balm rubbed into my back, shoulder and neck muscles. I needed help at the grocery store and got help with kid pickup and kitchen cleanup and filling the rice containers. I don’t like to be needy. I like to be the one giving help. I was still able to do some things, but at 50% the level and speed as usual. This made me incredibly vulnerable, a bit uncomfortable and a lot thankful.
As I slowed down, my family picked up the pace. I loved that they were helping me and looking at me with love and concern in their eyes. They are not used to me like this and I’m not comfortable just sitting. I’m not dying and I’m not trying to exaggerate, I’m just dealing with and waiting for the pain to pass. It definitely has a hold on me and I am not sure how long the wait will be. I’m getting lots of kisses and hugs and offers for help and I’m just trying to breathe and be patient. Thank you family and thank you friends for your ideas and advice.
While I wait, I will be thankful that I have people that love me and take care of me too and for this vulnerability space. Maybe this is part of my togetherness vision for the year, just in a different form than I expected.
Life is good, even with a pulled muscle.