Sundaze

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Whenever I get comfy on the couch, our cat jumps on my chest and snuggles in too. He can’t get close enough and it makes everyone laugh. I think he chooses me because I’m always warm. Juliana thinks he picks me because I’m the one that isn’t needy or wanting of his attention. I am definitely his favorite human at least for now, as we were all sitting on the couch and he wouldn’t leave my lap. Jeff gets such a kick out of our dynamic.

This was just one of the Sunday moments that made me smile.

What made you smile today? Have a great week, BeLOVErs.

5Apr2016

Do It Anyway

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Today was a gorgeous day. The sunlight was amazing and lasted late into the warm night.

Charlie wanted to go back outside one more time before it was too dark. I resisted at first, saying he needed to finish his homework. He promised he would and begged for ten more minutes with the cool breeze on his face.

I had just mentioned how I loved the feel of the cool breeze coming in from the kitchen window and he used my words. How could I resist?

I told him okay, he could go out again, if he’d come back and study a bit more. He then asked me if I wanted to come outside with him, and of course, my thoughts were no way! I was done. It was almost 8pm and I was ready to be resting on the couch. He asked me again, saying he wanted to play with me. How could I resist?

I have all these wise women who have taught me along the way that the time we have with our kids is actually short and that we will miss them wanting us one day. I believe in their wisdom, so I said yes. I went outside, anyway, despite my reservations and different expectations. I enjoyed shooting baskets with him and seeing how good he is at long shots. I loved how he shared the ball with me. I loved the neighbor’s dog who came up on the driveway to greet us. I did it anyway and was happy I did. I always am and never regret doing the work once I do it and actually dive in.
What are you resisting and would you be happier if you did it anyway? I’m curious.

Happy Doing!

5Feb2016

Ask

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Are you good at asking for what you want?

Maybe you want a raise. Maybe you want some thing. And maybe you want time to spend with some one. Or maybe you need help.

Are you afraid to ask? Are you able to ask freely and do you get what you need?

I am afraid to ask.

I don’t like to ask for help.

I don’t like to ask for things.

I don’t like to ask for attention.

But I need help. I need things. And I need to spend time with my friends and loved ones.

For some reason, I struggle with asking and feel vulnerable. I also don’t want to inconvenience others, but I need others. Why is it so hard to ask?

Sometimes my needs are greater than other days and instead of asking, I beat around the bush. I hint. I suggest. Or I demand, which isn’t so nice. Sometimes I’m indirect or act like a martyr or even expect others to read my mind. Not proud, but true. I am still learning and practicing.

Last weekend, I wanted my husband to pay attention to me. I wanted him to want to do something with me, besides driving the kids to sports or cleaning up the house. I wanted him to want me more than I particularly wanted anything and I didn’t care what we did. I just wanted the BIG A. Attention. I hate when I get like that. It’s not like he doesn’t want to give me A, he just isn’t always reading my mind or thinking the same thing as I am. Confusing, right? I know.

So I blew it. I wasn’t nice and I couldn’t come up with a sweet suggestion, like, “Hey, do you want to go for a walk together?” or “Hey, do you think you might like to go for a drive, or shopping for a new couch today?” That would be asking, and I don’t feel comfortable asking for attention. Instead, it came out all wrong. It came out as an attack, like, “WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO DO ANYTHING WITH ME??” and I think he thought I was crazy. He was probably right. But of course I thought he was wrong. My entire delivery was wrong, and I messed up things and caused a big argument. And arguments are not the kind of attention or connection I crave.

It took me a little while to figure it out. Struggles are like that when you’re in them. I realized if I had just asked, he probably would have obliged. I didn’t want to ask. I wanted him to ask, but that wasn’t even on his mind and wasn’t what he needed. Why did I expect him to want the same things I wanted? If I had listened to what he wanted to do, I might have been more open-minded. But I wasn’t. I decided to practice this life moment the hard way. I don’t recommend it. 😉

Luckily I have a great, life partner, who actually gets me, just not always in the moment. Heck, I don’t always understand my self in those moments either. I was able to calm down and apologize and he was able to tell me I should probably ask a little differently and reminded me how much he loved me. And all was well in the world again. I’m still learning… how to ask. Gosh, I thought this would be easy by now! 🙂

Have a good weekend!

11Dec2014

Puppy Love

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

I’ve saved this thought for awhile and today I thought I’d share a new word with you that represents a sort of puppy love.

It’s kind of embarrassing and I wasn’t sure I’d ever share it, but it makes me laugh every time I think of the term.

The word is Wuppy.

A wuppy is like a wife and puppy combined to make a wuppy.

I Am a wuppy. There. I said it. A wuppy. What a funny word.

I Am a wife and kind of like a puppy combined.

I’ll explain. Think of a puppy. They’re so cute and loving and just so happy to see you and want to play and like to go for walks and need lots of attention. They want to kiss you and wrap their body around your legs and wag their tail to show you how happy they are. They look up to their owner like they are the best thing on the planet and are so loyal. And sometimes they bark and make mistakes and messes too. Let’s just keep it real.

This is what I feel like inside. I have all this energy and excitement and I wait for my husband to come home every day. Not exactly 100% like that, but you know what I mean. I am always busy, but I love to see his face and jump up and down and get excited like a puppy when he arrives back home again. Seriously. Not even kidding.

I probably drive him crazy. Well, I did for several years, until he realized that I just love him unconditionally and am so happy to see him every time, like it’s the first time we ever met and this is my normal. This is weird. I know. But I do. I am a lucky dog!

I am so thankful that he goes to work every day and provides for our family and allows me to live out my dream, that I just feel utterly happy, grateful and thankful. Without him, I couldn’t be who I am. He commutes in Silicon Valley traffic and works long hours every day. I don’t.

I get to be home with our kids. I get to make dinners and coach the kids and get them where they need to go, in sickness and in health. He enables me to be the best I can be and for that I am ever so thankful, every day, although I probably don’t tell him this enough. I get to build community and volunteer and exercise and keep our home running efficiently during the hours he’s gone at work, working for the good of our family. Just like him. For this, I am thankful and fulfilled. I am living my dream, thanks to my life partner.

And tonight I just want to acknowledge him as it’s his birthday. I am thankful that he was born and that he chose me to be his wife and to share kids and our life together, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.

Every day.

I am thankful.

It doesn’t get much better than this.

I love you Jeff. Happy Birthday. And many, many more.

Woof.

28Oct2014

True Life – The Ideal and the Real

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

I love you. That’s the ideal and that’s for real.

I share ideas on living in the moment that tend to idolize the ideal. But let’s be real. Life is not always as pretty as our posts on Facebook or other social media outlets, even if that’s what we dream and desire. Life is messy and complicated. It’s that yin and yang thing again.

Even when I share the moments of love and joy and happiness, there are the moments behind the scenes that aren’t shared. I like to call that the messy part – the drama – the not to be seen on TV moments. We all have them. And we share what we want people to see, what we want to be our real. I think this is a good thing in a way, in that we’re trying to create the lives we really want to be living. The tricky part comes when people see the ideal and forget that there are real people behind the pictures and think that other people’s lives are more perfect than their own.

None of us are perfect. I think the reason why we don’t share those parts, is because we all have those and they just aren’t as glamorous or praiseworthy, and heck, we might even get embarrassed. But those messy parts are what make up the good parts and are necessary.

I believe that life is a practice and a journey and even though I have these ideas and try to practice them, I fail. I am perfectly imperfect and I’m ok. So are you.

In between the I Love Yous, are my tantrums – my moments of raising my voice and impatience, where I lose my ideal in my real anger and frustration, when I’m trying to regain control. I hate it when that happens, but that’s true life. Just sayin’

In between my moments of celebrating my kids and enjoying them, I’m frustrated by their messes and talking back and all the other things kids do. I just tend to share the good, because that’s what we do. But my kids are kids and they do kid things that bother all parents. I just choose to not focus what I share, there, but it’s there!!

Our minds are powerful. We can create our reality based on what we think about and how we think. If you think that my life is better than yours, you’re right. If you think that you have a great life, you’re right. If you think that I’m full of it, you’re right. If you like what I share, you’re right. Our mind creates our reality or at least our attitude about our reality and that is powerful stuff. I like to see the good because that’s what I want for me and for you and for your sister and for your daughter and your mama too.

Let’s just keep it real. We are human. We don’t do life perfectly, but we try and practice every day and we need to be gentle with ourselves, our partners, our kids, our leaders, and within our community. We get to do do-overs and we get new beginnings and hopefully every day we get a little braver and a little stronger and little wiser and we apply what we learn. Hopefully we get better at creating and living the life we dream and become our best selves, and when we mess up, we don’t take ourselves too seriously and forgive and forget and start again. And once we learn to do this for ourselves, we can forgive others too.

Ok, that’s all for now. Love you. Love me. Love us. xo