For me, this is it.
I wish to just be with my family and friends. That’s it. I don’t long for anything else. I want to see Kimmy and Tricia and Johnny and my mom and dad and nieces. I want to see my BFFS and I want to share life’s experience together.
The simple life is good.
Well, I do long for a beach house so that my family and friends can come hang and relax with me and hopefully someone will bring a guitar.
Life is good. What do you wish for?
nAMaste
This is my new bracelet. I bought it for Jeff to wrap up and give to me for Christmas because I knew it would make us both happy and it did. He was happy to not have to think about what to buy me and I was happy because it was exactly what I wanted. Isn’t that a great strategy?
These are called Mantrabands and I am in love with them. I gave a few away for Christmas presents this year and was so excited to have something meaningful to share. My sister sent me a picture of herself wearing hers yesterday on her birthday and this made me smile.
If you were to wear or choose a Mantraband, what would your mantra be?
If you’d like one, you can order them online here: Mantraband – Love from California I even like their motto: “Mantrabands are simple, elegant bracelets with a touch of delicate polish and an uplifting message; promoting a lifestyle of optimism, positivity, mindfulness. Wear your Mantraband every day as your daily reminder, affirmation, and inspiration. Made with love.” Oh, and I am not paid to say this nor did they send me any free products! I just love them.
nAMaste
Sometimes writing about positivity and happiness makes me have to change my ways. I tend to be a control freak and sometimes wanting control gets in the way of happiness and I’ll tell you how. I am still learning and practicing everyday.
So one of my beliefs is to focus on my gifts and not the gaps in my life. This is easier said than practiced and this week, let’s just say I’m stretching and growing out of my comfort zone. I’ll share some of my vulnerabilities.
I don’t always see the good. I sometimes really see the small gaps and cracks and when I unintentionally focus my mind here and forget to see the bigger picture, I miss out on all the good that far outweighs the bad, but again, I’m a control freak, and want things to be just as expected. Life isn’t that way and sometimes I get stuck.
My favorite definition of happiness is when our expectations are in alignment with our reality. This means if I expect something to happen and it happens, I’m happy. If I expect something to happen and it doesn’t, I’m frustrated. Kind of silly, but true. Why not just adapt and change my expectations to fit the new reality, right? But I don’t transition that quickly sometimes which makes me mad because I know I should but I don’t and I hold on to what isn’t versus what is and that’s just focusing on the gaps and not the gifts. Does that make sense? It’s opposite of what I’m training myself to do. Ugh. I’m still learning.
Okay, so for my example. Jeff left for work the other day and didn’t put his plate in the sink,and didn’t make the bed, which are two things he normally does. I came in from working out and saw things out of place and was mad after he left for work. Seriously.
Seriously? I chose to say something about it via text, saying blah blah blah, blah blah blah. I felt good being right about what was wrong. I created conflict vs. maybe thinking and understanding his point of view that maybe he wanted to read the paper or was running late for the train and ran out of time. His intention wasn’t to be disrespectful and he wasn’t expecting me to do it, he just didn’t do it for whatever reason. While I was focused on what was “wrong,” I completely overlooked what was right. He was the one who got out of bed before me and brought me coffee in bed. He was the one who drove Christian to school that morning. He did and does so many wonderful things and yet I focused on the gaps and not the gifts. Had I looked at the dish and the disheveled bed and felt thankful for all that is good instead of feeling frustrated by what was out of place, I would have just moved the dish and made the bed and in five minutes or less, and I would have been living happily ever after right then. If I would have not made a stink, I would have have recognized all that is good and I would have created good will. But I didn’t. I got stuck in the moment and stayed there. Not for long though. He was the one who kindly and gently pointed out my gifts not gaps philosophy and I luckily and quickly agreed with him. I thanked him for sharing this A-HA moment and didn’t stay stuck on my position and was able to move on, living it up and loving him again just like that.
That is one thing I’m good at, letting go and forgiving myself and others just like that once I am aware. I don’t want to stay mad or frustrated and I don’t have to be right just to be right. I still wished he would have made the bed before he left, but I adapted and accepted it, made the bed and moved on without holding on to the gap. Oh, that felt good.
I will keep practicing and being thankful for my perfectly imperfect life. What are you practicing?
Life is good. Practice on.
nAMaste.
Maybe cats have it all figured out.
They eat a little, play a little, sleep a lot and snuggle up together. They don’t have much work to do and are very curious. They are satisfied just looking out the window, day after day.
Life is good, especially if you’re a cat or maybe cat-like!
They work. Seriously, I’m telling you and I’m not even trying to sell you something.
I’m practicing and using some of the theories and I want to keep practicing and getting better at adapting and staying on the path of happily ever after.
Yesterday I wasn’t feeling it, as happiness can be an elusive thing. It’s here and it’s gone and it’s back again. I was just feeling kinda blah in the moment and wanted to snap out of it, especially since I was giving a presentation on happiness tonight. I looked at my notes with the list of 5 things you can do in 21 days to feel happier, and I did the first thing on the list, which was to write down three things I was grateful for that day, kind of as a test.
As I started to write, I started to smile. I felt joy as I sat for a few focused minutes to think about what made me happy yesterday, and started seeing my joys on my screen. Writing down one thing lead to another and another until I had 8 things in less than 5 minutes. And to think that 5 minutes before that, I was feeling dread, with not even a blog topic in my head. I looked at my list and felt happiness, instantly. A handful of you even took the time to “Like” my post, which made me thankful too. This gratitude practice is a miracle thing that we all can practice. It’s free and doesn’t take much time and puts us on the right path.
Tonight I’m thankful that my Happiness program was well received and I loved the interactive dialogue and sharing and connections that we made. Their big A-HA moment was seeing that no one listed material things on their happiness list. I loved this! We learned that most of us experience happiness through shared experiences with family, friends, and being of service to others which makes sense! The number one predictor of happiness is having good relationships. We talked a lot about being aware of our expectations and how to focus on our gifts instead of the gaps. We talked about adapting and accepting whatever life gives us and redefining ourselves as we go through life. I learned a lot tonight and was thankful to be invited to share the Gift of Happiness.
In closing, I’ll share a quote from Lincoln that was shared by one of the ladies tonight, who always heard this from her smart and positive-living mama as she was growing up:
So true. Let’s be mindful and choose happiness. Go ahead. You can start right now. 😉
nAMaste
What three things were you grateful for today? Let’s practice gratitude together. If you come up with more than 3 things, just keep going… no limits to happiness.
I’ll start.
Now I’m happier and ready for bed. It works and was easy… this gratitude practice is fun and good for the soul. Good night.
nAMaste
Is there any topic that you’re really interested in? I love reading about happiness, mindfulness and positivity stories. Did you know that you can set up Google Alerts that will monitor the web and will send you links to content related to your search terms? I love this and thought I should share this with you. It’s like receiving a little knowledge gift in your inbox everyday. I used to receive knowledge management links when I worked in this field and loved seeing the latest and greatest news and research. Just type “google alerts” in your search bar and they’ll walk you through the simple setup.
I am preparing a program about the gift of happiness and looked through some of the research I’ve collected on the topic. One of the sections is about whether money can buy happiness. And of course, the answer is, it depends. I love this answer, by the way, for many questions, like when your kids ask you whether they can have x,y or z, you can buy yourself some time in deciding your reply by saying it depends. I also like answering with a question and having them try to think for themselves. But that’s another topic.
So back to this money and happiness thing…they say after about $75,000, your needs are met and more money doesn’t necessarily bring more happiness. Let’s say you have more money and your food and shelter needs are met, how should you spend that extra money to bring you happiness?
They say that spending money on experiences will bring you more long term happiness than spending money on stuff. When you spend money on something fun, you get the joy and anticipation of waiting for the event and then you get to enjoy the actual experience. And then afterwards you have the joy and excitement from the memory you’ve created and the stories you get to share. Plus, most people don’t compare their experiences or feel that someone else has a better experience than themselves, so there is a more complete sense of joy.
The other thing about material acquisitions is that we adapt to the thing quickly and then want the next thing and don’t stay satisfied for long. We also tend to compare what we buy with what others have bought and this sometimes leads to dissatisfaction. For example, if I buy a new iPhone 5 and then my friend buys a new iPhone6+, I might feel like mine isn’t good enough, just from knowing that my friend has one that is better even though I was perfectly happy with my own until I compared myself to others even though I and you never, ever do that, right? I might want to have the iPhone195 just to feel superior and that mine is the best. But you know the next iPhoneMillenium would be right around the corner and lead to my quick disillusionment. So stop with the stuff and the quick fix that needs another quick fix and spend your money on play and fun instead, and be sure to share that fun with someone. Experiences, especially shared ones with loved ones, create memories and stories and that’s what gives life meaning.
Another guru says that the secret to the good life are good relationships. So see? I think we’re on to something.
Pick a loved one, a BFF or special someone and plan something for you both to experience together and it doesn’t have to be fancy. Enjoy the anticipation before you go, have fun together, share your story and live happily ever after.
nAMaste
If you asked me if I ever would have a cat, the answer would have been never.
If you asked me if I would ever live far away from my family, the answer would have been never.
If you asked me if I ever wanted to go back to work again, the answer would have been never.
And yet, I have a cat and actually have two. I’ve lived far away from my family for 25 years, longer than I ever lived with them. And I love working again and never wanted to go back.
I am content in my NeverLand.
What have you said never to and are doing now? Never say never.
We bought new board games this break and played together. This made me very happy! I loved watching the cousins play together at my parent’s house and I loved playing at my house too. 
I absolutely love playing games and am so quietly competitive and have been my entire life. I silently laugh when I win and beat my kids and husband. That seems like such a bad trait, yet at least I’m good at something!
My favorite question tonight that my family had to answer for me, wondering what my opinion would be was, “if I could be the best in the world at something, what would I choose?”
What would you choose? What would you want to be the best at?
I thought about my answer while they wrote down their thoughts. I was happy with their ideas on what I might think I’d like to be the best at. They chose: teaching happiness, soccer, and wife/family woman.
They made me smile. I had to pick from their ideas and I chose wife/family woman as my top pick.
I am a wife and family woman and those roles make up my primary identity.
My choice was to be the best me I can be. Here I am.
Of course I picked the philosophical question – next time I’ll pick “what would be the weirdest job” and stump them! 🙂
Happy New Year. Don’t forget to play!
nAMaste
Pain and loss are part of our lives, sometimes personally and other times experienced by our loved ones and thus affecting us.
What are we to do with pain? How do we healthfully process it and accept it and continue living happily ever?
Pain creates a glaring gap that’s hard to ignore. It creates a hole in our lives and stops us and sometimes even changes the trajectory of our journey. It creates a gap between our dreams and our reality that is not in our control.
Sometimes we get stuck and can only see and feel the pain and fall into the gap. How do we get out?
I think the secret to moving on and processing the pain and moving forward is spending more time focusing on our gifts instead of what is lacking. It’s a practice of gratitude for all that is still good, despite the despair. The pain doesn’t just dissipate because we’re thinking happy thoughts, but we get to choose where to focus our energy and to adapt to our circumstances.
If we choose to focus on the gap, then that is where we will stay and that is what we will experience the most. If we choose to focus on what is good and working in our lives, potentially, eventually, we will close the gap and be able to move forward despite what’s missing and causing grief. Perhaps the gap will slowly diminish to the point that it doesn’t draw us in and define us.
I think we want to define ourselves by the goodness in our lives and the potential that lies in front of us everyday, despite our sufferings. We understand that pain and suffering exist for whatever reasons, however we don’t want to live in this space for very long. We have to keep choosing to see the good, despite the gap, and moving forward.
I think this is where the mind is very powerful and can help to transform us and help us to live happily ever after, even after experiencing pain and loss, if we are able to choose to allow ourselves this gift of life and all that is good, that is available to us despite the pain, right now.
See the good in you and others and really focus on what is good in our life, and acknowledge the gaps, but don’t dwell there. Perhaps the gap will eventually diminish and become part of our past as it shapes our future, so that we can live fully in the present.
Wishing you peace and love, BeLoveRs, focused on gifts, not gaps.
nAMaste
here i am 