Gifts Not Gaps

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Pain and loss are part of our lives, sometimes personally and other times experienced by our loved ones and thus affecting us.

What are we to do with pain? How do we healthfully process it and accept it and continue living happily ever?

Pain creates a glaring gap that’s hard to ignore. It creates a hole in our lives and stops us and sometimes even changes the trajectory of our journey. It creates a gap between our dreams and our reality that is not in our control.

Sometimes we get stuck and can only see and feel the pain and fall into the gap. How do we get out?

I think the secret to moving on and processing the pain and moving forward is spending more time focusing on our gifts instead of what is lacking. It’s a practice of gratitude for all that is still good, despite the despair. The pain doesn’t just dissipate because we’re thinking happy thoughts, but we get to choose where to focus our energy and to adapt to our circumstances.

If we choose to focus on the gap, then that is where we will stay and that is what we will experience the most. If we choose to focus on what is good and working in our lives, potentially, eventually, we will close the gap and be able to move forward despite what’s missing and causing grief. Perhaps the gap will slowly diminish to the point that it doesn’t draw us in and define us.

I think we want to define ourselves by the goodness in our lives and the potential that lies in front of us everyday, despite our sufferings. We understand that pain and suffering exist for whatever reasons, however we don’t want to live in this space for very long. We have to keep choosing to see the good, despite the gap, and moving forward.

I think this is where the mind is very powerful and can help to transform us and help us to live happily ever after, even after experiencing pain and loss, if we are able to choose to allow ourselves this gift of life and all that is good, that is available to us despite the pain, right now.

See the good in you and others and really focus on what is good in our life, and acknowledge the gaps, but don’t dwell there. Perhaps the gap will eventually diminish and become part of our past as it shapes our future, so that we can live fully in the present.

Wishing you peace and love, BeLoveRs, focused on gifts, not gaps.

nAMaste

16Mar2015

What Do You Notice?

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What we pay attention to, we create.

If we’re in a good mood, we tend to notice good things and over look things that stand in the way of our happiness.

If we say we’re tired, we’re tired.

But what happens when we’re tired, and instead we say to ourselves that we’re not tired? What happens? Maybe we don’t pay attention to the feelings of being tired and keep on going anyway. That’s what I do. I’m not tired. Until my body shuts down and tells me I’m tired, then I believe it. Then I notice. But most of the time I refuse to give in to tiredness and keep going, enjoying all that life has to share. It’s a state of mind.

I believe in the power of the mind to create our reality, which is why I focus on sharing positive thoughts and happiness every day. I want to be happy and I want to create it for myself, for my family, my friends and my community.

Usually, I can stay in a positive state of mind, but sometimes I lose it. I don’t like myself very much when I give up and succumb to the negative feelings and let them take over. But that’s reality too. I know. I just don’t like it.

Tonight I was tired. I was also sick and up 4 times last night, so I know I was really tired. My body told me so. But I wasn’t paying attention and was very snappish tonight. I didn’t like that I lost my patience and got angry with one of my kids. It’s normal and real, I know, but I prefer the other side of me, much more when I can stay present and focused on the bigger picture of raising great, independent kids, patiently, and not overreacting to their childish behavior. Duh. They’re kids. I know. But I was tired. I noticed how much they were bugging me and paid attention there and reacted accordingly. *big sigh*

Some days are just like that. Even in Australia.

Luckily feelings are fleeting and we noticed we were both tired and snappish and said our sorries so that we could go on living and loving and laughing again. Ahhh… luckily that didn’t take too long.

And so it was. And so it is. Perfectly imperfect.

Hope you noticed more good than bad today and lived your happily ever after. Today. Namaste and good night.

5Jan2014

A Mirror

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It is what it is.

Here I am. There you are.

Today’s poem means to me that things aren’t always as they appear. We should see things as they are and not think that they have anything to do with us. We just happen to perceive it as something and make it what we want it to be in our mind, based on our own perceptions. Other people have different perceptions and definitions too. It’s a miracle we are able to communicate and connect, isn’t it?

This makes me think of the media again and how they try to make big deals out of nothing, such as Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. I don’t understand why they are perceived as newsworthy in America. What do they symbolize and why do we care? The media creates these images and ideas that they try to tell us are important, when they are not. Just something to think about.

It is why it is also important to fill our minds with positive thoughts, ideas, and dreams because we get to choose to create and respond to our reality and we might as well think of it as good, or at least fake it ’til we make it. 🙂

I like to just be, without any real expectations or filters. I like to use up the entire day and I like to watch the changing colors of light from morning until night, and then do it again the next day. I like to learn from my experiences and from others and to have an open mind, and adapt, knowing that I don’t know everything.

I’m still learning! That’s what keeps life exciting.

Have a great week!

18Oct2013

Are You Happy Now?

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I attended the Stanford roundtable discussion about the new science of happiness and well being. Katie Couric was the moderator along with a panel of experts in the fields of psychology, business, neuroscience, and design. I wanted to be up there answering the prompts too! I felt like I had a lot to share and have been living this path for awhile now. Aren’t we all? I wanted to add my two cents and validate the points that were shared, even though I don’t have the credentials (unless you count learning by doing!) My favorite panelist was Jennifer Aaker. I related to almost everything she shared. She is so articulate, beautiful, poised, and intelligent and I just admire the way she communicates and connects her research with reality with a sense of humor. I love her!!

Here is the YouTube webcast of the discussion: happiness roundtable

There were several fascinating points and here are my top 25 favorites.

1. We must always have a goal and an action plan.

2. We have to focus on those things that give our life meaning.

3. We have to be giving and practice kindness.

4. Authenticity is important to our happiness. We have to be true to ourselves.

5. Be present. Live in the current moment.

6. Find harmony in your life between what you think, say and do. Seek balance.

7. Be interested in what you do or change.

8. Life is good. Practice positive thinking and train your brain to focus on the good and your gifts and accomplishments.

9. Good stress is ok.we don’t have to be happy all the time.

10. Have no fear. Fear is the dark side that leads to negativity.

11. Sleep. You must sleep. This should be numbers 1-10 and is critically important. There was an article in the paper about the importance of sleep today too! We need more sleep!!

12. When you’re happy, you’re more creative. Insecurity leads to a lack of creativity. Be happy.

13. Money is important. Once your basic needs are met, focus on spending on experiences and not on stuff. Give. Help others. It makes you happy and makes others happy. It makes you popular too. And if you’re happy you’re more creative.

14. We need genuine social support to feel happy. We need at least two or three sincere social contacts that we can count on. We don’t need 600.

15. Children need to learn to be unhappy and know that it’s ok to not have everything they want. Teach them how to be resilient.

16. The meaning of happiness changes as we age. Adapt. Be aware of the change and redefine yourself. Always.

17. Don’t be so busy. Choose how you want to fill your calendar. Being busy is not a badge of honor. Maintain a sense of control and autonomy over your life.

18. Personal growth is important to lifelong learning and happiness.

19. Appreciate what you have. Be humble. Take help. Give help. Gratitude is important to happiness.

20. Live like you’re dying. Give yourself a life sentence to fully live. Choose how to spend your days as if they were your last.

And if I were able to add my own ideas to the discussion, they would include:

21. Make sure your expectations are in alignment with reality. Don’t expect things and then be disappointed when they don’t go the way you expected. This one is my favorite!

22. Do the work. Do your work. Happiness doesn’t come from being lazy and wishing and wanting. You have to do the work to achieve your goals. You need an action plan.

23. Do the right thing. Choose the harder right. Don’t just do what’s easy.

24. You are important. Love yourself. Your story makes a difference.

25. Let go. Flow with what is. Continue to adapt. Life doesn’t stay static. Be like a river.

Are you happy now? Thank you for reading my blog! I hope you’ve been inspired.

Beauty surrounds us… You just have to see(k) it!