Sometimes writing about positivity and happiness makes me have to change my ways. I tend to be a control freak and sometimes wanting control gets in the way of happiness and I’ll tell you how. I am still learning and practicing everyday.

So one of my beliefs is to focus on my gifts and not the gaps in my life. This is easier said than practiced and this week, let’s just say I’m stretching and growing out of my comfort zone. I’ll share some of my vulnerabilities.

I don’t always see the good. I sometimes really see the small gaps and cracks and when I unintentionally focus my mind here and forget to see the bigger picture, I miss out on all the good that far outweighs the bad, but again, I’m a control freak, and want things to be just as expected. Life isn’t that way and sometimes I get stuck.

My favorite definition of happiness is when our expectations are in alignment with our reality. This means if I expect something to happen and it happens, I’m happy. If I expect something to happen and it doesn’t, I’m frustrated. Kind of silly, but true. Why not just adapt and change my expectations to fit the new reality, right? But I don’t transition that quickly sometimes which makes me mad because I know I should but I don’t and I hold on to what isn’t versus what is and that’s just focusing on the gaps and not the gifts. Does that make sense? It’s opposite of what I’m training myself to do. Ugh. I’m still learning.

Okay, so for my example. Jeff left for work the other day and didn’t put his plate in the sink,and didn’t make the bed, which are two things he normally does. I came in from working out and saw things out of place and was mad after he left for work. Seriously.

Seriously? I chose to say something about it via text, saying blah blah blah, blah blah blah. I felt good being right about what was wrong. I created conflict vs. maybe thinking and understanding his point of view that maybe he wanted to read the paper or was running late for the train and ran out of time. His intention wasn’t to be disrespectful and he wasn’t expecting me to do it, he just didn’t do it for whatever reason. While I was focused on what was “wrong,” I completely overlooked what was right. He was the one who got out of bed before me and brought me coffee in bed. He was the one who drove Christian to school that morning. He did and does so many wonderful things and yet I focused on the gaps and not the gifts. Had I looked at the dish and the disheveled bed and felt thankful for all that is good instead of feeling frustrated by what was out of place, I would have just moved the dish and made the bed and in five minutes or less, and I would have been living happily ever after right then. If I would have not made a stink, I would have have recognized all that is good and I would have created good will. But I didn’t. I got stuck in the moment and stayed there. Not for long though. He was the one who kindly and gently pointed out my gifts not gaps philosophy and I luckily and quickly agreed with him. I thanked him for sharing this A-HA moment and didn’t stay stuck on my position and was able to move on, living it up and loving him again just like that.

That is one thing I’m good at, letting go and forgiving myself and others just like that once I am aware. I don’t want to stay mad or frustrated and I don’t have to be right just to be right. I still wished he would have made the bed before he left, but I adapted and accepted it, made the bed and moved on without holding on to the gap. Oh, that felt good.

I will keep practicing and being thankful for my perfectly imperfect life. What are you practicing?

Life is good. Practice on.

nAMaste.

They work. Seriously, I’m telling you and I’m not even trying to sell you something.

I’m practicing and using some of the theories and I want to keep practicing and getting better at adapting and staying on the path of happily ever after.

Yesterday I wasn’t feeling it, as happiness can be an elusive thing. It’s here and it’s gone and it’s back again. I was just feeling kinda blah in the moment and wanted to snap out of it, especially since I was giving a presentation on happiness tonight. I looked at my notes with the list of 5 things you can do in 21 days to feel happier, and I did the first thing on the list, which was to write down three things I was grateful for that day, kind of as a test.

As I started to write, I started to smile. I felt joy as I sat for a few focused minutes to think about what made me happy yesterday, and started seeing my joys on my screen. Writing down one thing lead to another and another until I had 8 things in less than 5 minutes. And to think that 5 minutes before that, I was feeling dread, with not even a blog topic in my head. I looked at my list and felt happiness, instantly. A handful of you even took the time to “Like” my post, which made me thankful too. This gratitude practice is a miracle thing that we all can practice. It’s free and doesn’t take much time and puts us on the right path.

Tonight I’m thankful that my Happiness program was well received and I loved the interactive dialogue and sharing and connections that we made. Their big A-HA moment was seeing that no one listed material things on their happiness list. I loved this! We learned that most of us experience happiness through shared experiences with family, friends, and being of service to others which makes sense! The number one predictor of happiness is having good relationships. We talked a lot about being aware of our expectations and how to focus on our gifts instead of the gaps. We talked about adapting and accepting whatever life gives us and redefining ourselves as we go through life. I learned a lot tonight and was thankful to be invited to share the Gift of Happiness.

In closing, I’ll share a quote from Lincoln that was shared by one of the ladies tonight, who always heard this from her smart and positive-living mama as she was growing up: