On Being Married

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

“Let all that you do be done in Love.” – 1 Corinthians 16:14

I’ve been married for 17+ years. I fell in love with my husband literally at first sight and felt like I had seen a rock star. I could hardly acknowledge him when he first said hello to me as he took my breath away. I’ve always had a crush on him, yet being married has not always been easy.

The hardest years of our marriage came when I quit work to be a stay at home mom and we moved to the suburbs. I felt lost and alone with a toddler and a baby on the way and trying to transition to our new lifestyle, while he was busy working at a start up and trying to provide for our family on his own. We were both going through our own life changes and we struggled for a long time, even though we always loved each other.

I am thankful that we chose to stay faithful to our vows and to work through our differences and grievances. Love wins when both partners do the work and both stay committed to the contract you both signed, remembering and recalling in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. Having a marriage license made our relationship sticky when we felt we were slipping. Luckily we were able to keep flowing and growing, as I know this is a challenge.

I think the secret to a healthy marriage is to stay focused on the mission and each other and to take care of one another, even when you don’t want to and you don’t know which way is up. It also helps when you admire each other. We shared a belief in each other and our family and this was more important than our individual needs. We also choose to never go to bed angry and to agree to disagree, because we are more important than any one thing. My favorite mindful meditation I always say to myself when I get frustrated with him or anyone I love is “I love you more than anything you can say or do.” These words are powerful and have helped me through the years to stay focused on the greater good.

I didn’t mean to start writing about all this, as I was just going to share a picture of our date today on our hike. I felt like I had to explain that we’ve been working hard all these years and now that the kids are getting older and less needy, we are finding more time to spend together again. I was so happy that he chose to go hiking with me today and that I got to be out in nature with my best friend, sharing something that I love to do every week, and now with him. I love that he loves me and wants to hang out and share my joy.

What are some things that make your marriage or relationship happy?

Life is good and I am thankful.

Wishing you a loving and happy, healthy relationship. Namaste.

21Jan2015

Dolsot Bibimbap

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

I love trying new things and sharing the experiences. Today we tried a new to us, Korean restaurant that has over 1300 YELP reviews with an average of 4 stars. The restaurant was called Jang Su Jang. Click on the name to see the yelp review for yourself.

One of the perks of living in a multi-cultural community is being able to meet fascinating people and to enjoy delicious and authentic tasting foods from around the world. Being always curious about people and loving food as sustenance and as a form of art, I love living in Silicon Valley. My waistline, not so much. Oh well, fat and happy isn’t such a bad thing! 😉 At least for this week. There always seems to be a reason to celebrate life and who am I to say no to a “party.” And I did get a hike in with ML before partaking in the festivities so maybe the calories expended equalled the calories consumed?? A girl can dream!

I loved the entire lunch process. When we were first seated, we were served warm tea in glass tumblers. This was new to me. We looked over the menu and we both picked the same entree – Dolsot Bimimbap. This is a rice dish topped w/ vegetables, beef, & optional red pepper paste, served in a hot stone bowl, where the rice sticks to the bottom and becomes crispy. The food and bowl is served so hot, that it cooks the egg in the bowl once you stir everything together.

Before the entrée arrived, we were served soup and as we ate the soup, the kimchi assortment arrived. Just seeing the 8 little silver bowls set out on the table was like a surprise, not really knowing what was being served in front of us. We have had Korean food before and know that this is part of the meal service, we just never really know what we are eating. One bowl had some type of tiny cooked shrimp with the head and body still attached, shells and all. Another bowl had apples and onions in a creamy sauce, sort of like a Korean version of a Waldorf salad. I loved the glass noodles and the traditional Korean kimchi and enjoyed trying all of them. The waitress came by and asked us if we wanted refills on any of the dishes and was happy to see that we liked the food.

When the entrée arrived, I took pictures of the food, like I usually do because I love food and wanted to share a meal with you. 🙂 It was too pretty not to share.

2015/01/img_4307.jpg

Another waiter came by and told me I had to stir everything together quickly before the rice stuck to the bottom. This is my favorite part, so I wasn’t too much in a hurry. He offered to help me, and I obliged his wishes. I have had bibimbap before, just not here. He added the spicy red paste to my dish and walked away so that I could enjoy my lunch.

It was another fun and fabulous lunch date and I left full and thankful.

What foods do you like to try? Are you an adventurous eater? Got any good restaurant recommendations in the Bay Area? I’m always up for a food party!

namaste

20Jan2015

Writing Is a Gift

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Jeff and I went on a lunch date today to Orenchi, an infamous ramen place in Santa Clara. We tried to get there before it opened because there is always a wait. We got there at 11:20 am and it opened at 11:30 am and we were already 31st on the waiting list before it even opened! That’s how popular and good this place is. We were willing to wait and wait we did for almost an hour!

I don’t mind waiting because my phone is always a source of entertainment. While we waited I discovered an awesome article from The New York Times about how writing leads to happiness. I was intrigued as these are two things that have become important and connected to me.

I’ve been writing now for almost 3 years and never set out to be a full time, every day blogger. I write because I enjoy the journey of living and finding the good in every day, despite the struggles and chaos. I hope that through my living and writing to tell about it, I will learn and never forget to live up every moment of this one beautiful life, to love all I come in contact with and to laugh every day and then share my good news. I hope that I can be an example of just one way of living and that you and others might be inspired by me, and connect and perhaps see the good in your own life too.

I have found that I really enjoy writing and taking the time to reflect every night about what was important and what went right. My life isn’t perfect, yet writing about the good raises the bar and expectations and helps me to stay optimistic. When things don’t go as planned, I’m ok and am willing to share those details too and to still see some good in the crazy. Writing allows me to take the time to reflect and to really see what it is I’m doing and experiencing and gives me time to decide if this is the path I want to continue because I’m fully aware of what is working and what is not. And because I’m focusing on the good, I am happy despite the crap that is and will always be part of life. I just choose to focus on the positive and this is very empowering. I encourage all of you to do the same. If not to write and share with others, then just write privately for yourself with your own intentions and see how you feel. Just choose to focus on the positive aspects of life and lift yourself up. See the good. It surrounds each of us and this is the space in which I want to be and want you to join me.

Now that I think back, I’ve often kept paper journals. They have served as a means to understand the complexities of life at any given stage and writing has always been cathartic to me. By writing, we are able to process our thoughts and for some reason seeing them helps me to make sense of my world. Do you write and do you enjoy the process of writing? Do you look back on what you write? Do you keep what you write? So curious.

If you’re interested in learning more about the benefits of writing, here is a link to the article titled “Writing Your Way to Happiness” in the NY Times today: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/01/19/writing-your-way-to-happiness/

Oh, and if you’re interested in the what the ramen was like, it was definitely worth the wait. So savory and delicious we didn’t want to stop eating.

I wish you peace, love, joy and happiness.

namaste. xo

19Jan2015

Wanderlust – California Coast

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

I wanted to see the ocean today and step my feet in the sand. I didn’t really have a plan except to be there, wherever there might be.

We all got up early to work on a service project at our church in honor of Martin Luther King day today. We bought and brought supplies to support our local homeless shelters and our town’s local community services center that provides clothing, school supplies, food, toiletries, towels, gloves and socks to provide warmth and comfort. We were going to help sort and bag the donations but by the time we arrived, 30 minutes after the event began, the work was mostly done. We were able to still write letters to soldiers and veterans which was humbling.

We finished earlier than expected which allowed us to drive over the hill to Santa Cruz. We went on yelp to find a new place to eat. The only suggestion I had from the family was they wanted seafood. We found a Hawaiian poke place that we enjoyed. It was kind of funky and different and probably a place we’ll only visit once, as the food sounded and looked better than it actually tasted.

I kind of liked not having a definite plan and no one to coordinate logistics with as we were able to just wander and see and discover what ever came our way.

Before you think this was a day in paradise, let me just tell you it wasn’t perfect. It was perfectly imperfect as I like to say, with lots of bickering and disagreements, trying to get everyone to agree and not touch one another nor say mean things. We are a modern family with lots of opinions if you know what I mean. We finally found our rhythm, but some days it takes awhile. Just keepin’ it real. And once we do, it’s awesome! Thank God for patience and perseverance!

We walked around downtown Santa Cruz and then headed North to admire the coastal views first along Cliff drive and then heading towards Davenport. We pulled off Highway 1 at one point, to walk along the cliffs. This was breathtakingly beautiful.

We walked down the path to the sandy part and Jeff walked through the arc.

This connects to my perfectly imperfect vision of life. I was so excited to get down to the water and discover the path through the arc and to the water but if you look behind Jeff, there is a dead whale! The smell was so bad, I almost cried! I had to get out of there before throwing up. So much for putting my feet in the water! I had to run!!

We were happy to get back in the car and to admire the coastline from a nicely enclosed space. We drove towards Pescadero and fondly remembered our first trip to Harley Goat Farm with Michele and her kids. We took the time to go say hi to the goats and to pick up some of the most delicious organic goat cheese. I love this place and the sweet memories of visiting here when our kids were little.

Our next stop was Half Moon Bay. We found this cute little shop called Oddyssea, which is an interactive retail shop with an outdoor creative garden. We had fun touching the toys and exploring and the kids made dog tags with hammering tin type letters into the metal tags and then rubbing black shoe polish into the debts to make the letters stand out. They had a lot of fun and it was something we didn’t expect to experience.

The craft project took a little longer than we thought and by the time we were done, the sun was setting and we missed watching it set, which was ok. We decided to drive back over the hill and had dinner at a place that Jeff has been wanting to take us to in Menlo Park, called Refuge. They are known for their pastrami and Belgian beer. It is definitely a guys place and was really loud. I’m glad we finally tried it but it was not my favorite place. I really loved their roasted root vegetable soup though.

We drove back home and all of us were tired and happy, having spent the day together trying and seeing new things. I’m glad that we had time to explore again, just like our days in Holland. I miss our expat days and am thankful to be able to enjoy our California.

Hope you had a good day and enjoyed California with me!!

18Jan2015

Word Art

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

I love word art and gravitate towards it everywhere I go. I have a few pieces hanging around my house and love seeing the little reminders.

I saw this piece in a furniture shop this afternoon and loved it. It says, “While we try to teach our children about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”

I think of my family sort of like roommates. We all coexist in this small space and we all share and learn and grow and work together to coexist mostly peacefully. Sometimes we are leaders and sometimes we are followers. Sometimes I am the teacher and other times they are. I am always open to their opinions and ways of doing things and try to not get stuck in just my way.

I love learning from my kids and my husband. Today I watched, well actually listened, to the two little ones baking together. I loved how they collaborated and and came up with what to bake and how to bake colorful cupcakes with fancy rainbow designs. I stay out of their way and listen and direct ever so gently when redirection is necessary maybe 2% of the time. Otherwise, they are all on their own and they work well together, from the planning and shopping, to the baking, decorating and even the clean up. My goal is to raise independent thinkers and little kind and compassionate humans and I think they are doing a great job. I love that I get to be a mentor and witness to their development and that they are mine. I listen to how they treat each other and am aware of their interactions. I love being a part of their lives, even just listening and observing and learning and loving them being who they are. They are great people and I am thankful that I get to learn from them every day – how to be kind and patient and loving and cooperative and to finish things. They’ve got this!

How do you enjoy your family? What do your kids teach you?

17Jan2015

Fighting

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Not all fighting is bad.

For example, I’m fighting some kind of sickness right now. It wants to take over my throat and head and I want to push it away.

It kept me up throughout the night last night and I kept waking hoping that I wouldn’t be sick in the morning for my tennis match.

I was.

Ibuprofen took the pain away. It was a good mask. I was able to play and forget about the pain. Maybe it was mind over matter. Or maybe it was the adrenalin in my body that made me not feel it or think about it, while I was playing to win.

My partner and I won our doubles playoff match. Our team was not as fortunate in their fight. One friend tore a muscle in her leg and had to default. The other team put up a strong fight but was defeated in the end. Our one winning court was not enough to take us to the district finals in Sacramento. I am disappointed and accept the defeat. We did our best, and as I always tell my kids, that is good enough. It was a beautiful day and even though we lost, we still had the benefit of spending time together in the sunshine playing our favorite sport with our friends. After our matches, we share a friendly lunch or dinner with our opponents. We toasted their win with champagne and enjoyed the shared love of the game, wishing them well as they move on to represent our area. I am happy for them and sad for us.

After the game, I came home and relaxed for awhile. I started to feel sick again, yet made it through dinner with my family. I decided to continue to fight this sickness thing and climbed into bed before 8pm. Sleep and rest is good for the body. Juliana also says cucumbers are good for fighting colds and almonds are good for fighting migraines. These are a couple of the life hacks she read after dinner. Do you think these hacks could be true? I’m curious but was too full to try any more foods. Tomorrow is another day.

My little sweetheart brought me throat lozenges, Airborne tablets and water to help me feel better. And as I sat to write, I noticed the love note she left on my cup.

I am a lucky mama with a BIG LOVE for a daughter. Thank you for being my angel, sweet girl.

Be well, BeLovers!

P.S. Happy Birthday, to my little sister today. I’m glad you’re living in this world with me! I love your soul and gentleness. Thanks, mama and papa for giving her to us. xoxo

16Jan2015

Today’s Quote

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

“Remember to live.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ~

I found this quote today posted by Theresa on Soul Gatherings. I tried to reblog her post, but I think I experienced technical difficulties.

This quote resonated today with me as Jeff and I remembered to live it up today. We went on an all day date and began by seeing the American Sniper movie matinee, enjoying popcorn and a coke and a really good, heartfelt movie. His birthday got lost in the holiday rush, so we’re celebrating him all this month instead. Isn’t that a good idea? I love birthdays, but those that fall near Christmas get the short end of the stick.

After the movie, we took the time to stroll and shop, hand in hand. We decided to try an Indian buffet lunch, that was very good. We always enjoy trying new restaurants and new food. Today did not disappoint.

I loved that we had time to just be with each other and to live it up, simply and close to home, before the kids came home from school.

I truly felt like we remembered to live in the moment and to be present, and for this I am thankful.

Life is good.

How did you remember to live today?

Hope you have a good weekend. Live it up, BeLoveRs. xo

15Jan2015

Sticky Resolution?

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Did you make a New Year’s Resolution or two or choose One Word to focus your life? If so, it’s been 2 weeks and a day since the turn of the year and I was curious how you’re doing so far.

Here are a few things that help us keep our resolve, thanks to Karen and her wonderful program this week about this topic:

1. Make them actionable. It’s great to have a big goal and then break it down into the “how to” parts to make it actually work.

2. Set up reminders in your calendar so that you practice the things that are important to you.

3. Find supportive friends and hang out with them and share stories related to your goals.

4. Read about the topics you are interested in and become knowledgable.

5. Immerse yourself. Make sure you’re choosing to change for you and not for someone else. Dive in.

6. Write down your thoughts and resolutions. Seeing them in writing makes them real and more sticky.

7. Spend money to achieve your goal. It feels like you’re paying for your success when you put money out.

8. Does your resolution make you happy? Do the work it takes if it does.

9. What steps do you need to take to meet your goal? Are you setting up an action plan that is doable?

10. What’s your path to success?

11. Focus on the process and not just the end goal. Start over again and again even if you mess up.

12. Know how to handle pitfalls and distractions. Have an action plan for recovery.

13. Be gentle with yourself.

14. Be specific.

15. Plan.

16. Want it.

17. Commit to it.

18. Take action.

19. Reevaluate.

20. If you fall, get back on track.

21. Enjoy the journey.

My resolutions were to stop swearing and to accept people as they are without judgment. I’ve cleaned my potty mouth probably by 50% or more and it feels really good. When I slip up, it feels really weird and I don’t like it. It makes me want to start over and try again, so that’s working for me.

As for the accepting people where they are at, this is awesome. I’ve changed the way I react to changes and unexpected surprises and this is so liberating. I love this feeling and it makes me happy so I will continue practicing this.

And finally for my one word, togetherness, I’m loving this choice. I’ve written it down on our kitchen chalkboard and I think about it every time I walk by.

I notice the moments of togetherness and feel fulfilled.

I am enjoying this new year’s journey and hope you are too, wherever you are and with whatever you’re choosing to be.

Namaste.

14Jan2015

Our Gifts

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

We all have so many gifts and the best part is when we know what they actually are.

If I asked you off the top of your head without much filtering and overthinking, what are the 5 gifts you bring to this world, what would your response be?

What are you good at? And not just your work, but what makes you smile and others around you happy?

Hmm… what would mine be? I’ll try…

1. I’m loving. I love who I am and I love who I am with and I have lots of love to give.

2. I’m funny. I don’t take life too seriously, not that it isn’t serious but I love to laugh and to be silly.

3. I have a childlike sense of curiosity and wonder and love to play.

4. I love people and want to know their story. I’m genuinely curious about everyone and want to know why you think the way you do and what makes you, you.

5. I am quick to forgive. I don’t hold grudges because I’d rather have a connection than a conflict any day.

Your turn.

This morning I received a gift from my friend Jen. She reads my blog and sometimes sends me emails when something resonates with her. I love when you guys do that. She invited me to attend a conference with her and sent me an image she thought I would like. I loved it so much that I want to share it with you too. Thank you Jen! You made my day.

In case you can’t read it, it says:

“I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light, and of peace. When you are in that place in you, I am in that place in me. We are one.”

Namaste BeLoveRs. Now go think about your gifts and celebrate wonderful you! xo

13Jan2015

Resilience and Permission to Fail

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

You’re ok.

Perfection is overrated.

You’re good enough.

I was just wondering if we are teaching our kids that it’s ok to make mistakes? Are we giving our kids permission to fail and heaven forbid, not be the best?

There seems to be so much pressure on our society to be the best, to be the skinniest and the fittest, and the smartest and the fastest and the prettiest and the first and the whatever. What’s the race all about anyway? What about happiness and joy and just being ok with who we are right now, looking silly and maybe even sloppy? Is that even allowed any more?

I think we have to model for our kids how to not be perfect and I’m not trying to make excuses. I just want them to know that we’re ok too and I want us to be ok with being enough. We do our best and our best has to be good enough.

This is what I want to teach my kids. If they make a mistake, so what? Acknowledge what went right. Acknowledge what didn’t work and fix it for next time. And then try again. It doesn’t have to be so complicated. Keep learning and practicing this life thing and don’t be so hard on yourself. Repetition is good. And making mistakes means you’re trying and growing and learning. It’s ok. That’s what I want them to know. You have my permission to fail. Just learn from your mistakes so that life can carry on as smoothly as possible for yourself and everyone else around you, because our lives are really interconnected as much as we think we are on our own.

I want them to be ok right where they are, every day. I want them to make mistakes and I want them to figure out what’s important to them and to make the most of all their experiences and relationships – the good and bad and ugly. I think this is the path to happiness. Accepting what is. Adapting and moving forward and liking themselves right now.

Carry on, resilient BeLoveRs. You’ve got this.