Resilience and Permission to Fail

You’re ok.

Perfection is overrated.

You’re good enough.

I was just wondering if we are teaching our kids that it’s ok to make mistakes?  Are we giving our kids permission to fail and heaven forbid, not be the best?

There seems to be so much pressure on our society to be the best, to be the skinniest and the fittest, and the smartest and the fastest and the prettiest and the first and the whatever. What’s the race all about anyway? What about happiness and joy and just being ok with who we are right now, looking silly and maybe even sloppy? Is that even allowed any more?

I think we have to model for our kids how to not be perfect and I’m not trying to make excuses. I just want them to know that we’re ok too and I want us to be ok with being enough. We do our best and our best has to be good enough.

This is what I want to teach my kids. If they make a mistake, so what?  Acknowledge what went right. Acknowledge what didn’t work and fix it for next time. And then try again. It doesn’t have to be so complicated.  Keep learning and practicing this life thing and don’t be so hard on yourself. Repetition is good. And making mistakes means you’re trying and growing and learning. It’s ok. That’s what I want them to know. You have my permission to fail. Just learn from your mistakes so that life can carry on as smoothly as possible for yourself and everyone else around you, because our lives are really interconnected as much as we think we are on our own.

I want them to be ok right where they are, every day. I want them to make mistakes and I want them to figure out what’s important to them and to make the most of all their experiences and relationships – the good and bad and ugly.  I think this is the path to happiness. Accepting what is. Adapting and moving forward and liking themselves right now.

Carry on, resilient BeLoveRs. You’ve got this.

Messy Relationships

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
Brené Brown

Relationships – Part 2

This is the week of relationship challenges.

I had another situation this week that left me saddened.  

I was not chosen for something and it hurt my feelings. I felt rejected by my friend and at the same time accepted her decision. As I dealt with my feelings of rejection, I also practiced letting go of anger and accepting her and her choice, even though it wasn’t my favorite choice.

I am practicing letting go of hurt and sadness and moving on as quickly as possible, after acknowledging the sense of loss. I don’t want to dwell on loss and pain and sadness, even though these feelings are also part of life. I want to acknowledge the feelings and release them so that they don’t consume my mind space. This is a practice, let me tell you, but it’s so worth it.  There are so many other opportunities to explore and one loss shouldn’t take away our energy, but rather should energize us to try new things and to create new relationships.

I choose to let go.

I chose to share my story of disappointment with my kids. I wanted them to know that even as adults, we will sometimes get hurt by others choices and that we have to find peace in that. We all experience rejection in different forms, and we cannot always be chosen for the team, for the role in a play that we wanted, as a friend, for a job, as a partner, etc, and we have to develop ways to cope with the changes that life delivers to us.

I wanted to teach compassion and forgiveness. I wanted them to be aware that we are sometimes the ones that do the unintentional hurting, and that I want them to be careful with their choices and their relationships and to be mindful of how their actions affect others.  I wanted to teach them self confidence, and to be ok with themselves, when they are rejected for whatever reason, and to carry on.

They got it. They understood.  They shared how they have dealt with similar experiences and shared compassion with me. And then I cried. Because I was understood and was thankful that my little ones got it.

Life is good. I am ok.  We move on and it’s ok. Shine.




Struggling and Adapting

Today I felt anxiety and I didn’t know why. I felt frustrated and angry and like I didn’t know how to make a decision. It didn’t make sense to me, but I knew I didn’t feel good at all.

I decided to go meet Julie at the TRX class because my new goal is to get strong and fit and this class supposedly will kick my a double s. On the way to the gym, I just started to cry. I felt such a longing to be back in Holland and not where I was at that moment.

I didn’t know why exactly I was crying, but it was a big release. And as I cried I realized this was one of those moments of accepting what is and being aware of the hidden feelings I wasn’t acknowledging out loud and now they were coming out wet. Ahhh…. Social media is a great thing to help keep us connected, and this week I was feeling the sense of loss as and change and adapting and resettling and chaos and being fat all at once! That’s a lot to carry! Not really, but it was my instability at that moment and its ok and it’s real.

I miss my girlfriends in Holland. I miss seeing everyone in the cafeteria. I missed the dance party in Vondel Park. I miss chatting with Barbara and doing yoga with Jen and biking with Patti Beth and sleepovers with Joseine’s kids, and meeting up for ice cream with Jen and Carolyn and Patty and holding Amy’s baby and waiting for the bus with Lauren and Karina and Jen and PB and on and on and on. And I miss the white swans in my canal, and I realized that when Christine acknowledged the differences in pelicans and swans and feeling out of place when she commented on my picture on Facebook. That was the trigger, along with the pictures and status updates from my friends in Amsterdam.

Christine acknowledged what I wasn’t saying. She was aware of my sense of loss and place and belonging to two worlds now and that it is ok. I’m just adapting and today was a struggle. She saw that I accept the beauty and gifts that surround me now but that doesn’t negate that I feel a bit lost in the transition.

Lenka also helped me feel and acknowledge this yesterday when I ran into her at Costco. Se said I’ll probably feel this way for a long time and that I might always feel a sense of loss. I think she might be right and that’s ok too. I am so thankful for the experience and it has changed me. I just don’t know how to process all the changes just yet. In time I will. I’m just in it right now. And when you’re in the process of change, you have to keep looking forward and dream new dreams. Like getting fit!

So I wiped off my tears and accepted a hug from Julie who also understands what it is like to be from two places and went on with my butt kicking TRX class followed by a good stretching and balancing and breathing yoga class.

And all was well again. I felt strong and balanced and relaxed and ready to go again and ready to feel and be alive and happy in this moment, despite the chaos and uncertainty. I chatted with my sister on the way home and made a lunch and shopping date with my mama who is still in town. I am thankful for the gift of time with her, right here, right now.


Downtown Mountain View with my Mama.