Monthly Archives: January 2016

3 Things

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What three things were you grateful for today? Let’s practice gratitude together. If you come up with more than 3 things, just keep going… no limits to happiness.

I’ll start.

  1. My husband bringing me coffee when I woke up.
  2. Watching Charlie practice learning how to ride a skateboard and hearing all his ideas and theories and showing him that I know how to ride too.
  3. Driving with my kids in the car and enjoying their conversations and learning about their dreams.
  4. Having the time and being able to pick up Jeff after work tonight because a train hit a car and delayed his journey. (Luckily no one was injured.)
  5. Freely letting Juliana go enjoy her friend when she called for a “play date” in the middle of our “grocery shopping date.”
  6. Making the boys happy and ordering pizza from Domino’s App and having the pizza delivered right after we got home.
  7. Flow. At Work.
  8. Working on my gift of happiness program tonight.

Now I’m happier and ready for bed. It works and was easy… this gratitude practice is fun and good for the soul. Good night.

nAMaste

Experiences or Stuff?

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Is there any topic that you’re really interested in? I love reading about happiness, mindfulness and positivity stories. Did you know that you can set up Google Alerts that will monitor the web and will send you links to content related to your search terms?  I love this and thought I should share this with you. It’s like receiving a little knowledge gift in your inbox everyday. I used to receive knowledge management links when I worked in this field and loved seeing the latest and greatest news and research. Just type “google alerts” in your search bar and they’ll walk you through the simple setup.

I am preparing a program about the gift of happiness and looked through some of the research I’ve collected on the topic. One of the sections is about whether money can buy happiness. And of course, the answer is, it depends. I love this answer, by the way, for many questions, like when your kids ask you whether they can have x,y or z, you can buy yourself some time in deciding your reply by saying it depends.  I also like answering with a question and having them try to think for themselves. But that’s another topic.

So back to this money and happiness thing…they say after about $75,000, your needs are met and more money doesn’t necessarily bring more happiness.  Let’s say you have more money and your food and shelter needs are met, how should you spend that extra money to bring you happiness?

They say that spending money on experiences will bring you more long term happiness than spending money on stuff. When you spend money on something fun, you get the joy and anticipation of waiting for the event and then you get to enjoy the actual experience. And then afterwards you have the joy and excitement from the memory you’ve created and the stories you get to share. Plus, most people don’t compare their experiences or feel that someone else has a better experience than themselves, so there is a more complete sense of joy.

The other thing about material acquisitions is that we adapt to the thing quickly and then want the next thing and don’t stay satisfied for long. We also tend to compare what we buy with what others have bought and this sometimes leads to dissatisfaction.  For example, if I buy a new iPhone 5 and then my friend buys a new iPhone6+, I might feel like mine isn’t good enough, just from knowing that my friend has one that is better even though I was perfectly happy with my own until I compared myself to others even though I and you never, ever do that, right?  I might want to have the iPhone195 just to feel superior and that mine is the best. But you know the next iPhoneMillenium would be right around the corner and lead to my quick disillusionment. So stop with the stuff and the quick fix that needs another quick fix and spend your money on play and fun instead, and be sure to share that fun with someone.  Experiences, especially shared ones with loved ones, create memories and stories and that’s what gives life meaning.

Another guru says that the secret to the good life are good relationships. So see? I think we’re on to something.

Pick a loved one, a BFF or special someone and plan something for you both to experience together and it doesn’t have to be fancy. Enjoy the anticipation before you go, have fun together, share your story and live happily ever after.

  
nAMaste

 

 

 

Diversity

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diversity-picture
image credit: http://boulderjewishnews.org/

 

What does diversity mean to you?  This seems like such a buzz word and one that was part of a discussion we had today.  It sometimes feels taboo to discuss, yet sounds popular to say we welcome and accept diversity. But what does this mean?

When I was at Cal Poly, I was part of the Ethnic Diversity committee, trying to bring diversity to our predominantly Caucasian campus. Diversity was about race and affirmative action and equal opportunity and making sure that we were open and accepting and inviting others and making them feel welcome and a part of “us”.

I think the definition of diversity has broadened over the years and includes not only race and ethnicity, but also sexual orientation, life experience, beauty, knowledge base, body image, abilities, socioeconomic levels, language, religious beliefs, age, popularity, geography, neighborhoods where we live and more.

I think we need to be aware of our differences and at the same time acknowledge how we are all more alike than we are different and to focus our energy on our connections and commonalities versus our diversity. I think we need to find ways to connect through our love for one another and by being curious about each other.  I think we need to be good listeners and always be kind to everyone, especially those who are different than us. We can change the world and make everyone feel welcome and invite them to come sit with us and share lunch, a cup of coffee, or conversation.

Be curious. Be kind. Be loving. It doesn’t cost a thing and that’s how we can celebrate our diversity and oneness. One Love, BeLoveRs.  We can change the world, together. Let’s hold hands.

nAMaste.

Curled Up

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Our power has been out for 3+ hours and they predict it will be out for at least 2 more.

It’s strange when it’s pitch black in your house for hours when you’re usually awake and moving and your normal routine is off.

We went out to get dinner because just when the lights came back on briefly and I started to warm up food, they went back out again and I hurried up and put the food back in the refrigerator.  

The heater doesn’t work and it’s very cold in our house so everyone is crawling into bed to curl up with a warm blanket. It actually feels great to be in bed early.  I am going to conserve my phone battery and go to sleep too, curled up, just like Zuma.

I hope you have a great weekend, curled up with something or someone cozy.

nAMaste

 

They’re Growing Up

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Some days I have flashes of time passing and my kids are all grown up and gone and it’s how it’s supposed to be (eventually) but I’m not ready and I feel that deadline approaching and I want to slow down time. Phew…

And at the same time one of them is so irritating right now, that I can’t wait for them to grow up and fly. But then I remember the fear and get conflicted and try to love them through the madness because I know it’s fleeting. All of it.

Today one walked home from school alone with a friend, one had an Ortho appointment and one practiced his driving with me. I had all three of them with me and we stopped for bubble teas and I enjoyed the banter and the pimples and the laughter and conversation. I enjoyed the sunlight on their faces and seeing them and leaning on them and really enjoyed the moment.

One of them is going through a phase and we’re all trying to endure and it’s exhausting. The good part of this is it makes me less nostalgic and keeps me grounded in the moment of raising kids and teaching and practicing this life thing together. 

Yin and yang. They’re growing up and it’s all good.

nAMaste

Never Say Never

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If you asked me if I ever would have a cat, the answer would have been never.

If you asked me if I would ever live far away from my family, the answer would have been never.

If you asked me if I ever wanted to go back to work again, the answer would have been never.

And yet, I have a cat and actually have two. I’ve lived far away from my family for 25 years, longer than I ever lived with them. And I love working again and never wanted to go back.

I am content in my NeverLand.

What have you said never to and are doing now? Never say never.

Opinionless

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I’ve been thinking about opinions lately.

In my family, we have lots of opinions and strong feelings and ideas. We are not afraid to share them and debate them and argue our sides. We are passionate and rather confident with what we each believe, which is healthy and great, but having lots of opinions can sometimes and most times, conflict and bounce against each other creating friction and tension.

I’m not even talking about philosophical opinions. Just basic and strong opinions, like which way the toilet paper roll should hang, or whether we should go for a hike. Sometimes they are over where people should sit. I mean these are really important things to feel strongly about and to discuss and debate, am I right?

The last couple of times I’ve been home, I’ve been practicing having less opinions and listening more than talking. Can I just tell you how much peace I experienced?  Maybe I even offered peace to others through my stillness and acceptance of what was and by not reacting to opinions that were different than mine. I actually enjoyed listening to the debates and not partaking in the conversation, except as a listener, smiling and nodding.  I didn’t feel any tension or stress and this was an A-HA moment. I let people be and didn’t try to move the ocean current of debate in any particular direction. I was just present.

I thought about the Girls’ trips I’ve been on and how much joy I experienced in this type of setting. One of the reasons why I love them so much, is because everyone just goes with the flow and the opinions about what to eat, where to go and what to do are carefree and easy and there is usually immediate group consensus without conflict. An A-HA connection!  Our opinions are in alignment, almost immediately.

Now I’m not advocating being boring and a bump on a log without any feelings or expressions. I’m just wondering if we practice being a little bit more accepting and flowing with other people’s opinions without feeling as strongly about our own or thinking that they are wrong, that we might swirl our ideas together like dance partners and just enjoy being in the moments together a little longer, in sync. We might just celebrate our gifts versus our gaps. Just sayin’

Well, that’s just my opinion. 😉

nAMaste

 

Say Anything

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We bought new board games this break and played together. This made me very happy! I loved watching the cousins play together at my parent’s house and I loved playing at my house too.  

I absolutely love playing games and am so quietly competitive and have been my entire life. I silently laugh when I win and beat my kids and husband. That seems like such a bad trait, yet at least I’m good at something!

My favorite question tonight that my family had to answer for me, wondering what my opinion would be was, “if I could be the best in the world at something, what would I choose?”

 
What would you choose? What would you want to be the best at?

I thought about my answer while they wrote down their thoughts. I was happy with their ideas on what I might think I’d like to be the best at. They chose:  teaching happiness, soccer, and wife/family woman.

They made me smile. I had to pick from their ideas and I chose wife/family woman as my top pick.

I am a wife and family woman and those roles make up my primary identity. 

My choice was to be the best me I can be. Here I am.

Of course I picked the philosophical question – next time I’ll pick “what would be the weirdest job” and stump them! 🙂

Happy New Year. Don’t forget to play!

nAMaste

Gifts Not Gaps

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Pain and loss are part of our lives, sometimes personally and other times experienced by our loved ones and thus affecting us.

What are we to do with pain?  How do we healthfully process it and accept it and continue living happily ever?

Pain creates a glaring gap that’s hard to ignore. It creates a hole in our lives and stops us and sometimes even changes the trajectory of our journey. It creates a gap between our dreams and our reality that is not in our control.

Sometimes we get stuck and can only see and feel the pain and fall into the gap. How do we get out?

I think the secret to moving on and processing the pain and moving forward is spending more time focusing on our gifts instead of what is lacking. It’s a practice of gratitude for all that is still good, despite the despair.  The pain doesn’t just dissipate because we’re thinking happy thoughts, but we get to choose where to focus our energy and to adapt to our circumstances.

If we choose to focus on the gap, then that is where we will stay and that is what we will experience the most. If we choose to focus on what is good and working in our lives, potentially, eventually, we will close the gap and be able to move forward despite what’s missing and causing grief. Perhaps the gap will slowly diminish to the point that it doesn’t draw us in and define us.

I think we want to define ourselves by the goodness in our lives and the potential that lies in front of us everyday, despite our sufferings. We understand that pain and suffering exist for whatever reasons, however we don’t want to live in this space for very long. We have to keep choosing to see the good, despite the gap, and moving forward.

I think this is where the mind is very powerful and can help to transform us and help us to live happily ever after, even after experiencing pain and loss, if we are able to choose to allow ourselves this gift of life and all that is good, that is available to us despite the pain, right now.

See the good in you and others and really focus on what is good in our life, and acknowledge the gaps, but don’t dwell there. Perhaps the gap will eventually diminish and become part of our past as it shapes our future, so that we can live fully in the present.

Wishing you peace and love, BeLoveRs, focused on gifts, not gaps.

nAMasteIMG_7211

 

Thousand Oaks

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 I love it here and just being with family and friends.

Today I enjoyed family time getting coffees, and having our nails done, while the boys went to see Star Wars. We did a little shopping and ate shared nachos for a late lunch. 

My cousins came over to visit and my mama made dinner for us, sending food home with them. This is one of her many gifts that everyone appreciates.

Afterwards, we played Telestrations together at the table and laughed our heads off.  If you’re looking for a fun game for all ages, this is it!

   
    
 
This picture was of a milk man. My dad is such a funny artist. This one made us laugh so hard.

Life is good in T.O.!

nAMaste