Do-Over

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

I believe in positive thinking and focusing on the positive, despite the chaos of life. But sometimes I lose my focus and feel frustration and anger. Thank God, I’m normal, right?

Usually I lose my positive mojo when I’m overtired, because what ever is agitating me takes over my body because I’m too tired to reverse my thinking.

I have this little FitBit thing that motivates me to workout and also monitors my sleep. I press a button when I get into bed and press it again when I wake up and it tracks the hours and minutes I’ve been sleeping and the minutes I’ve been restless. It’s fascinating to see the patterns. The last several nights I’ve been getting about 7 hours of sleep with several minutes of restlessness throughout the night. I have to admit, that I’m feeling tired just knowing that I’m getting less than 8 hours of sleep. I love sleep! It feels like a luxury to get at least 8 hours, which is what we’re “supposed” to get on an average night. I guess I’m falling short.

Today I was feeling more agitated than usual. Usually, I’m able to feel gratitude for my blessings, but today I ran short. I had a “free” day and was going to head to the beach, but it was foggy and overcast here, which made it less than a desirable journey. I decided I’d stay home and work on my big photo project, which is like a gigantic elephant in the room. Let’s just say, I didn’t make much progress and accessing my digital backups was a slow and painful process. Every step forward was two steps back, which left me frustrated.

I did manage to get rid of all plastic storage boxes from my historical printed photos and made our inventory look a little more organized and pretty, but I was still harboring frustration as I moved through the day, feeling frustrated by this HUGE “problem” facing me that I wanted to conquer and organize.

The point of me sharing this story, is that I felt ugly on the inside today and short tempered. When I picked up Charlie from school today, he was also overtired and short tempered too. The two of us together were ugly. He said that I was being mean and he was right. I didn’t have any patience and was snappy. He was snappy too because he was overtired and had some issues at school too. Nothing major, but he wasn’t his happy self either. The two of us were feeding off each other and it wasn’t good.

I felt the storm brewing. I felt how my negative attitude brought out the worst of his negative attitude and how the circle continued until I asked him for a do-over. He didn’t know what that meant. I told him it was when two people decided they were done feeling yucky and wanted to start over again, at that moment just because someone declared a do-over to allow us a chance to start again, and to be happy again despite our feeling badly. I met him at the table and gave him a hug and we started over again. Just like that, and we both smiled and felt relief that we didn’t have to hold on to our frustration anymore. Starting over is such a good feeling. Knowing that you’re feeling off and then being able to do something about it to change the way you’re feeling is powerful.

So if you ever feel like we did today, with someone you’re in close contact with that’s bugging you, just ask for a Do-Over. It’s a great way to start again and feel better and to let go of all the stress that was keeping you from feeling connected.

Life really is good.

9Apr2014

The MOM Title

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

There was a post today on the Momastery Facebook page that asked friends for help. She was looking for a better and truer title than “stay at home mom” and was hoping for suggestions.

There were over 1,155 comments as of 5 hours ago and 364 people who liked this question.

I have to say that I sat there and pondered the question for awhile and couldn’t really come up with something good. There were several suggestions, and some of them resonated and are ones I’ve used before to describe my role. But when I thought of the work-outside-the-home moms, the titles really reflect both groups.

Some of my favorites were:

ChIef Operating Officer of the [insert family last name] Corporation

Super Woman

Wonder Woman

President of Child Development

Domestic Goddess

Commander In Chief

We’re all moms. We’re all working full time and juggling the needs of those we love, including ourselves. We’re all dedicated to our families. Some of us are paid and some of us are not. Some of us get to choose whether or not to work and some of us don’t. We all love our kids equally, and so I think we should just stick with Mom as our shared title and support our sisters however we choose to spend our days without judgment. Let’s lean in to sisterhood and lift each other up and drop the divisions.

The next time someone asks me what I do, or a form asks me my job occupation, I’m going to say I am: Mom.

Hear me Roar!! 😉

Do you have any suggestions?

8Apr2014

Moms Helping Moms

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

For now, I am content still staying at home and being the primary care giver for our children and supporting our community.

Yesterday I took Juliana out of school mid morning for a doctor’s and orthodontist appointment. Today I took Christian out of school to get braces. Tomorrow I’ll be there to pick up Charlie right after lunch, after his early dismissal. Even though they don’t need me as much as they did when they were little, there are so many times that they still need assistance and support or food, and I enjoy being there for them when they need it.

This afternoon I was home, vacuuming out my car when I saw April and Kristin down the street with their hazard lights on. I walked over to see what the matter was, and April had rescued a dog that was wandering alone in the middle of the road. She asked me to take the dog, as she was helping another mom by caring for her kids this afternoon and had to rush off. I took the dog and Kristin drove home to find a leash. I then gave Kristin the dog and wrote to our neighborhood group about our find in hopes of finding the owner. Later in the day, someone knocked on my door looking for their dog. I called Kristin and she told me that another mom/neighbor was at her house watching her son and could let me in to get the lost dog to return to the owner. All of this happened within 90 minutes. Women helping women. I LOVE THIS!

Today I drove Charlie to his baseball game that began at 4:30 pm, and then rushed back across town to pick up Juliana from her tennis practice and made dinner before heading back to the ball field to enjoy watching Charlie play. I’m the team mom so also had to bring cold beverages for the boys. Jeff joined us after getting stuck in traffic on his late evening commute. I was thankful that he made it in time to at least see part of the game.

Most days I have a few hours to workout, manage the household and volunteer before picking up the kids from school. Today I was happy to help a friend by watching her baby while she worked from home for a few hours. This was one of the highlights of my day.

I love babies and I love helping other women. If I were to pick my ideal job, it would be to work part time to support working moms and moms with new babies. I’d love to be able to take the edge off by being the fill in nanny when the nanny is sick, or to help do the grocery shopping or run errands to support the double parent working families and the moms who don’t feel like they get a break. I was there before and always wished that someone could come save me at least for just a couple hours each day so I could think or take a shower, uninterrupted. For now, I’ll just enjoy the volunteer opportunities and being home when my kids are home.

Life is good!

7Apr2014

Friend Therapy

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

Do you have friends that you just absolutely love hanging out with? I have one or two or three or four and I know I am lucky. I am so thankful for all the amazing women in my life.

Every friend brings and shares different gifts and I love all of them. Quirks and all, not that they have any, but if they did… I’d love them just the same and I’m so thankful they put up with mine!

My girlfriends bring me such joy by just being them and having time to share together doing whatever and talking and laughing and supporting one another.

Today Michele and Suzanne and I hiked 7 miles in the almost 90 degree sunshine through the hills. We told so many stories and shared what projects we’re working on, stories about our kids and families and stories about our dreams and plans for vacations. It’s like friend therapy. Listening and sharing and laughing and lifting each other up. It’s awesome to have such supportive girlfriends that just get you.

Here are some of the interesting things we discovered on our hike today.

We stopped to admire the playful baby goats who are less than 2 weeks old. I love babies!

One fell down trying to jump up on this log and had trouble getting up again with her new legs.

The blue bellied lizards were warming themselves here and were darting in front of us many times across the trail.

The view was a bit hazy from the top. Can you see the vulture sweeping through the air?

More beautiful wild poppies were wide open and brightly coloring the landscape.

At the end of our hike in the speckled shade, Suzanne started to grab my arm and move me. I thought she was just excited about the video conversion project she was telling me about, as she squeezed my arm and moved me into Michelle. She couldn’t quite get the words out, but then there it was and I was so thankful she just moved us aside! No words were necessary. I would have screamed so loudly if I would have been the first one to come across this big snake!

I was so scared and then started laughing and was thankful no one got hurt or peed in their pants!!

Life is good and so much sweeter with friends. xo

7Apr2014

Family Sunday

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Oh the weather was beautiful today! The sky was so blue and looked unreal. The kids were all playing catch in the yard and were happy to just be home, without having to rush out the door.

When they saw me sitting on the ground watching them play, they came and climbed on my lap. I loved that!

I got to play some social tennis for a few hours in the afternoon and the temperature was 84 degrees! I was wishing I was at the beach with my paddle board, but still had a good time, even though it was pretty hot.

Jeff was home most of the day as he was smoking a brisket that took 9 hours to cook on the Traeger. Oh my gosh, our yard smelled so good all day.

Charlie had double baseball practices and Christian went with him to help out at the first practice and Jeff took him to the batting cages later in the day.

April and Steve joined us for a late family dinner. We laughed so hard playing Telephone around the table. I was so glad they were here to share the evening together.

As we were cleaning up, I checked Facebook and saw someone mention that the planets were clearly visible tonight. We saw Jupiter next to the moon and Mars behind us. Such a great day!

I am enjoying these days with the kids and Jeff and friends and staying close to home. Even though we are still busy, there are more moments of down time with not as much planned and I’m loving how we’re just flowing with what comes our way. Life is good.

Hope you had a good day! xo

5Apr2014

Sharks Game

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Tonight Jeff and I joined Elizabeth and Govind at the SAP center to watch the Sharks play. Really, we enjoyed chatting with friends the majority of time and saw a small portion of the game. Unfortunately, the Sharks lost but that did not take away from the fun we had.

Sharkie and I before the game began.

Love our flag and national anthem!

I love my friends and time spent together. Thanks Elizabeth for inviting us to join y’all tonight. We had a great time!

Love,
Adriana

4Apr2014

Pay It Forward

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Today the Volleyball Girls got together to celebrate our spring and summer birthdays. We have been playing together for probably five to six years. We met at Dish Dash, one of the best restaurants in Sunnyvale. One of our friends brought her mama, which we all encouraged and invited to join us of course. Mama’s are always welcome.

We enjoyed conversations and delicious food and got up to switch seats so that we could all have a chance to socialize together. As we were preparing to receive and split the bill, we were delivered a surprise. Dana’s mama picked up the tab and treated all of us to lunch today. What a sweet surprise.

I love this idea of taking care of others when you are able to share your gifts of time, talents and financial blessings. She seemed happy and proud and we were all shocked and thankful.

Life is good. Thank you.

3Apr2014

CC: Consciously Coupled

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Is it weird that Gwyneth declared her marriage consciously uncoupled? There are 8 pages, including photos, covering her story in this week’s People magazine. Is that really necessary?

The one takeaway I have is that divorce sucks and it sometimes happens and hopefully their thoughtful consideration will help them through this next stage of their journey.

I just thought I’d declare that Jeff and I are happily consciously still coupled.

I love that he makes my coffee in the morning. He loves that I make him take selfies with me on our hot dates at the high school track meet.

And too bad we’re not having any more kids but if we did, we think we’ll call her Peaches.

Keep on loving. xo

2Apr2014

The Sad News

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I read the news and sometimes wonder why I bother. Just today… A shooter with mental health problems. A HUGE earthquake in Chlie and tsunami warnings around the world. Major car recalls. Missing airplane (still). Politics. Money. War.

Maybe that’s why I like writing about happiness everyday. The news is depressing and sensationalized. I’d rather sensationalize everyday life and the pursuit of happiness despite our vulnerabilities and imperfections. I prefer sharing the good stories, even if they’re “boring.” Boring is good. It doesn’t have to be ALL dramatic. That’s exhausting.

Today was exhausting, but in a good sort of way.

I got to chaperone Juliana’s class field trip to the San Jose Tech Museum. I enjoyed being with her, but being responsible for 8 other girls was quite a task. Little kids are such better listeners than older kids, because I think they have more fear. I had one group of 3 wander off, after being told to stay in one area. They thought they’d head upstairs to an entire different part of the museum and for some reason this seemed like a good idea to them. Another girl was ready to cross a street with other friends after wandering away from our group, before I found her and tapped her on the shoulder and lead her back to the flock. And just so I wouldn’t be bored, one other girl decided she would make the rest of the group wait while she was the only one who wanted refreshments before the movie. It was an interesting psychological experiment for me, and a small insight into the minds of selfish pre-teens. I’m thankful for the one I get to raise and really appreciate her soul.

It was early dismissal today from school and Charlie and I gathered up his roller blades, tennis rackets and a chair, and headed out to watch Juliana’s first tennis match.

We got there way earlier than we needed to because the other school didn’t have early out today. We made the most of it by running over to Starbucks for a drink and then playing outside and enjoying the sunshine. It’s a shame that the city closed the baseball fields because the fields were supposedly too wet. Charlie’s game was cancelled which I actually appreciated a tiny bit so that I could just be in one place instead of two. Isn’t it strange to think a field would be closed when the sky looked like this?

What a shame.

Nevertheless, I got to enjoy being in one moment watching and supporting Juliana and playing with Charlie while we waited for her turn to be up.

She won her first match and I was so proud of her. It must have been nerve- wracking to be out on the court for her first official game and she owned it.

Life is good. How was your day? What made you happy? I am content having spent the entire day with my kids, even though I am exhausted and heading to bed early. 😉 I’m listening to all the sage advice reminding me to enjoy them as they’re only little for a little while and they’re almost big!!

Goodnight

1Apr2014

Rainy Day Cooking

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It’s been raining the last few days and it makes me think of and miss Holland. The good part is that I don’t mind the rain anymore and actually enjoy it.

Today I enjoyed being indoors and cooking and baking with Juliana. The whole house smells good from the roasted brussel sprouts, roasted potatoes and fried pork loin chops with cumin and coriander.

Juliana baked a flourless chocolate cake that didn’t quite turn out the way she had hoped and we had a good laugh over anyway. I love having her in the kitchen with me, working side by side.