Messy Relationships

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“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
― Brené Brown

Relationships – Part 2

This is the week of relationship challenges.

I had another situation this week that left me saddened.

I was not chosen for something and it hurt my feelings. I felt rejected by my friend and at the same time accepted her decision. As I dealt with my feelings of rejection, I also practiced letting go of anger and accepting her and her choice, even though it wasn’t my favorite choice.

I am practicing letting go of hurt and sadness and moving on as quickly as possible, after acknowledging the sense of loss. I don’t want to dwell on loss and pain and sadness, even though these feelings are also part of life. I want to acknowledge the feelings and release them so that they don’t consume my mind space. This is a practice, let me tell you, but it’s so worth it. There are so many other opportunities to explore and one loss shouldn’t take away our energy, but rather should energize us to try new things and to create new relationships.

I choose to let go.

I chose to share my story of disappointment with my kids. I wanted them to know that even as adults, we will sometimes get hurt by others choices and that we have to find peace in that. We all experience rejection in different forms, and we cannot always be chosen for the team, for the role in a play that we wanted, as a friend, for a job, as a partner, etc, and we have to develop ways to cope with the changes that life delivers to us.

I wanted to teach compassion and forgiveness. I wanted them to be aware that we are sometimes the ones that do the unintentional hurting, and that I want them to be careful with their choices and their relationships and to be mindful of how their actions affect others. I wanted to teach them self confidence, and to be ok with themselves, when they are rejected for whatever reason, and to carry on.

They got it. They understood. They shared how they have dealt with similar experiences and shared compassion with me. And then I cried. Because I was understood and was thankful that my little ones got it.

Life is good. I am ok. We move on and it’s ok. Shine.

9Sep2014

I Want A Relationship With You

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“Good relationships are not just about the good times you share; they’re also about the obstacles you go through together…and the fact that you still say I love you in the end.” – unknown author

Several things happened today that made me think of the importance of relationships. I learned about the importance of forgiveness, letting go, compassion, being grateful and do-overs. I’ll share one of the stories today, and perhaps save the others for another day.

My youngest has been needing lots of attention lately and I’m not sure why. He does things a little bit more slowly, a little bit more noisily, he’s a little more needy, and a lot more demanding. Basically he’s irritating all of us all, well most all, of the time.

This morning when I asked him to get busy with his chores and to get ready for school, he just sat. He then moved to another near by chair and laid over the arm and spun around for a bit, not really hearing my words for whatever reason. This happened repeatedly, as you can imagine and possibly even happens in your home. When I asked him to sit quietly, he tapped his pencil. If I asked him to stop tapping his pencil, he stomped his foot. It was like he couldn’t hear me, or maybe he did, and he rather enjoyed the negative attention he was receiving from his irritated housemates.

So when I told him he was in trouble for not behaving and for creating conflict in our family, he didn’t like that. I sent him to his room, and told him he was to come straight back there after school. This agitated him because “he did nothing wrong,” of course, and didn’t understand why I was so mean. I explained myself and told him that was it. He disappeared for thirty seconds and returned, asking for a do-over. He was sorry for being irritating and wanted to start over again. I said no. He hemmed and hawed, and walked away and then came back again with his bed made, dressed and ready to try again.

He came and sat on my lap and asked for a do-over again. I said no. He then said, “Mom, I want to try again. I want to have a relationship with you and I want to play with you and I don’t mean to ignore you. I don’t know why I do that and I am not trying to be irritating.” Again, I said no. I felt like I needed to be kind and firm and I needed to be a disciplinarian and enforce the rules, so that he’ll learn.

He left again, did more work (or messed around) and came back again, asking for the same thing, again with more emphasis: “Mom, I just want to love you and I want a relationship with you. I learned my lesson and I’m sorry. Please let’s start over again and have a do-over mom.”

This time I listened, even though I didn’t want to. I wanted to do what was right and teach him a lesson. But what I wanted more than that was to have a loving relationship with him, just like he wanted with me. I looked at him, and opened my arms, and asked him, “Why are you so smart?” And he said, “Because I am.”

I believed him and gave him a hug and told him I wanted a relationship with him too and we needed a do-over, to begin again and to respect one another. He smiled and let me kiss his face. I told him how much I loved him and I think he heard me this time.

Love wins.

And hopefully we’ll keep practicing the discipline thing together, learning together and loving one another as we grow our relationship. I want a relationship with him too.

Namaste.

8Sep2014

Diary of a Fat Housewife

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Last week I shared how to look hot in a minivan, after finding this book title while sorting donations to prepare for the rummage sale. I’m happy to share that the rummage sale made over $5,000 this weekend. Isn’t that fantastic? In the last two years, I believe we made around $3,000, so I’d say it was a good year. We had a lot of fun working together and volunteering and meeting new people in our community. I wasn’t there for the actual sale day, but heard many great stories. We had so many volunteers and people making donations that don’t even have kids at our school anymore. Our school and neighborhood has a great community and this rummage sale was an example of that.

I also volunteer at the Nearly New Shop, which is an upscale resale shop. Last week I found another interesting book title while working that made me laugh and I just had to share. The Diary of a Fat Housewife was originally published in 1977 and has over 100,000 copies are in print. I wonder who has all these old copies, but this one made me laugh as the antithesis to being the hot minivan driving mama.

This book is a mix of Weight Watchers practices, Dear Diary, and some serious prayer. I never thought to mix these three things together… hmm, I wonder if I did the same, I might be able to stay on track. Maybe next time I’m ready to be disciplined and focused I’ll see what Ms. Cook has to say about prayer and weight loss. For now, I’ll just be fat and happy! 😉

Namaste.

7Sep2014

We are THaT Family

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We are perfectly imperfect with quirks and craziness, wrapped in laughter and unconditional love.

My sister said it best, summarizing our night after our dad’s birthday party:

“This is my family. It may not always be perfect, but it’s my perfect and I wouldn’t change a thing. This family knows and exhibits what unconditional love is all about….We have all had our trials in life, and each member of this beautiful family has held each other up and has been the foundation for our strength since it began. ”

We always come together to celebrate life’s good moments, and to lift each other up during challenging times. We laugh and tease and argue and work together and play and best of all just love each other.

This love reaches out to our extended family and friends. We had probably 100 guests at the party and many more who couldn’t make it. I loved seeing everyone there and sharing stories throughout the evening, and missed those who couldn’t make it.

I loved getting ready for the party, almost as much as I enjoyed the party.

I loved making the flower arrangements with my sister and cousin and my kids. I loved seeing my boys work with my dad to assemble his new Traeger and then to hang out by the smoker with the guys as the tri-tips were prepared for the party. I loved that my other sister took all the kids to her house while we were getting ready for the party so the house could stay neat and the cousins could have cousin time. I love that I got to go shopping with my mom to pickup all the food for the gathering. I love that my brother and his wife made home made chicken taquitos, guacamole and salsa that we all devoured around the table. And I especially loved how happy my dad was with his special night.

Happy birthday Pops and thanks for having another birthday so we could celebrate you! Thank you for being you and for all you do to spread love and cheer!! You are loved!!

Life is good.

I know not all families are perfect and I hope you get to celebrate life’s moments with your loved ones too.

Namaste.

7Sep2014

Happy 70th Birthday!!

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Tonight we celebrated my dad’s 70th birthday with friends and family in Thousand Oaks.

I think my dad really enjoyed the celebration in his honor and I loved that we got to all be together.

Life is good.

5Sep2014

Choose Happiness

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This is it.

This guy summarized my existence.

I choose happiness as a way of living and being from minute to minute and share this daily journey with you so that we may practice the pursuit of happiness together.

My life is perfectly imperfect filled with the ups and downs, the yin and the yang, and the daily struggles and fears, just like yours, but not exactly of course, but you know what I mean.

We all get to choose how we react and adapt to what life delivers to us, sometimes fair and sometimes not, sometimes expected and sometimes not. We get to play our way. We don’t get to always choose what comes our way yet we can choose how we react and this is our personal power. I love this. Every minute is another opportunity to start again. Today is the beginning of the rest of our lives. How do we want to experience this wonderful one life we get to live?

The first part of this quote talks about releasing tension, which sounds like play or exercise to me. I’m sure there are several other ways, but these are the first two healthy options that come to mind. Did you do something to take care of yourself today?

I played volleyball with my girls in the sunshine and smiled and laughed and served hard serves and missed some hard hits. I high-fived my friends and shared some mixed nuts that Debbie brought to share that we all love. Thanks, Deb.

How about being present? When and how were you really present today? I’m highly distracted and not always present. This one was more challenging today as I was in a hurry. I was present when I was volunteering at the rummage sale and joking with Laura and April as we sorted through stuff together. I loved that Laura was really trying to sell us on her husband’s unused shirts and how she wanted us to take them home. I took her up on her offer – no shame! I loved that we had so many volunteers sorting and stacking and organizing and working together and that when I have a shout out to all of is for our hard work that everyone started clapping. I had fun joking around with everyone and seeing April picking out a pink dress Halloween costume and parading around in a little blue dress. I loved that we picked a rummage sale mascot from the piles, a little undressed dirty doll with freaked out crazy hair and “makeup” all over her face and head and body. She was the craziest thing we found and then it got even funnier when Laura asked is why her donation was sitting on the side with our personal belongings. Hahaha! That was funny.

Next on the list is amplifying love. What do you think that means? I think that means turning up the love and sharing it. Hmm… Did you practice that today? I have to think about that one… I make my husband laugh. Does that count? I like to de stress our household and am always being silly and laughing at myself and my own jokes which makes him laugh. I like to make him dance with me which usually lasts 30 seconds but puts us in both in a good mood. Maybe that counts…not sure though. Laughing is contagious and usually he’s soon laughing with me. I love when he makes me laugh too. Laughter definitely helps us to de stress and release tension — ooh, a two for one special!

Generating enthusiasm is next on the happiness list. Are you good at this? I am good at this most of the time, or at least I fool myself. I love being a cheerleader and encouraging everyone to play nicely together. And I love to get people excited to be doing what we’re doing, whatever it is we choose to do. Today I generated excitement amongst the rummage sale volunteers, cheering and clapping and thanking everyone for being there. I made fun of myself and the crazy donations, while being thankful for our generous community.

And finally gratitude. What were you thankful for today? Did you tell someone? I love being thanked and I love thanking others. I thanked April for going to Costco for me today and saving me some time and probably a ton of money. It’s so nice to have a wife! Everyone should have one. Thank you wifey!!

So that’s easy, isn’t it? We can develop these skills and practice this happiness thing every day, by being mindful, drinking 8 glasses of water and getting plenty of sleep for starters.

Be happy my friends. xoxoxo

4Sep2014

Just Dance

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What was the highlight of your day today?

Did you laugh out loud? Did you dance in the kitchen? Did you run outside and play? How many hugs did you give and receive? I mean, I know you’re busy and all, but how much time did you spend laughing and playing and enjoying a moment?

I think our lives are so busy and chaotic and that as we get older, some of us forget to play and laugh and be silly because we’re “busy” and feel like we’re too old for that. We can change that, like right now.

You know how they say you have to create the life you want and you have to make it happen? Well I think we have to give ourselves permission to just play because we can and I want us all to play everyday. I want to us to joke around and be silly and move and laugh at ourselves and make other people smile and laugh with us.

Tonight I was at back to school night and I was called into a “meeting.” As I walked into the room, there was music playing and people standing up, and they told me to hurry up and move to the back because I had to learn a dance in 5 minutes that we were to perform on stage tonight. What the?

I had no idea and all of a sudden we’re learning a 3 minute routine and dancing together with the student leadership team. My first thought, was I can’t dance and what was I doing there. The second thought was I don’t want to be on stage and look like a fool and what am I wearing and I don’t have a pedicure and do I look ok?

I didn’t want to do it for several reasons and I didn’t want to say no. Yin and yang again.

So what did I do? I just shut up and danced, of course.

I jumped right in and played along and joked and laughed and danced with my girls and had so much fun. I left my fear behind and just let go. It was fun and embarrassing and the best part was supporting my daughter, bonding with my friends and watching the audience smile at our little ditty. I loved that my friend was so happy that I got up and danced with her and loved seeing her laugh and hugging me for doing it with her.

So the next time you’re asked, just get up and dance. Be happy.

3Sep2014

Ice cream

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Special guest writer! Charlie

Today my mom had to take my sister to the Orthodontist. When we got there, Nemo was playing in the waiting room. I don’t really like that movie, but today I did. I was talking to my mom when Nemo’s dad asked the other fish where the boat went.

I said, “Fish only have a memory span of 5 seconds,” so those fish won’t even remember that boats exist. Later I said, “Gosh fish sleep with there eyes open,” but in the movie the fish had their eyes closed. Those movie makers need to study ! I know more about fish than them!

Then we went to Safeway and went shopping for ice cream. Right now I’m thinking like my mom: ice cream reminds me of happiness. I chose birthday cake! Yuuuuuuuuummmmmmm! I also picked Magic Shell and sugar cones because those are fun and my mom was fun today too. I was so Happy! Right when I went home, I had my ice cream and sugar cone! It was so creamy and cold and it was so yummy!

Then my sister did the ice bucket challenge for ALS! She got covered in cold water and I surprised her because I hid with another bucket of water and threw it on her from behind.

I laughed. P.S. I already did the ice bucket challenge and it wasn’t that cold.

Today was fun because my mom spoiled me and I got to tease my sister and even have ice cream.

Ice cream to all!! And a very good birthday to my Opa today!!

from Charlie

2Sep2014

How to Look Hot in a Minivan

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I found this book in the rummage sale pile today while I was busy looking hot (does sweating count as hot?) sorting peoples stuff and preparing for our 5th grade science camp fundraiser.

It just made me laugh and I had to flip through it and identify some best practices so I could be hotter driving my sexy minivan. I have this strange yin and yang thing with minivans. I swore I’d never have one and yet I’m on my second.

Ssshhh! Don’t tell, but I love my minivan. It has so much space and the kids don’t have to touch each other. It drives smoothly and is easy to park. It even comes with a built in shop-vac that’s so handy for sucking up sand from the beach and crumbs from my kids. The doors automatically slide open and close at the touch of a button and I don’t need to find my key to unlock the doors because it loves me and knows when I am near. Oh, and I have nice racks – for my paddle boards that is. How hot am I now? Who says you can’t be hot and drive a minivan?

The book says I shouldn’t eat my kids’ leftover chicken nuggets and gave me some workout ideas like p90x and Pilates. They showed me how to not dress like an old fashioned mom and how to look more modern.

So I’m not going to wear mom pants and my kids don’t eat chicken nuggets so maybe I have a chance at being mini-van hot.

I just thought this whole thing was funny and couldn’t believe there was a hot pink book written about this topic.

It was the highlight of my rummage sale find today and hope that another mom enjoys it when I add it back to the pile tomorrow.

Goodnight hot mamas!

1Sep2014

Labor Day

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The boys built a new smoker today to take to tailgates. This was the highlight of our work today, besides the usual daily chores.

It was nice to have the day off today and for us all to be home. The kids slept in and Juliana and I went to a long lunch with friends, while the boys escaped to the movie theater for a matinee.

We came back together in the late afternoon to join friends for a delicious BBQ dinner in the neighborhood.

I surprisingly enjoyed our low key weekend “at home” without fighting traffic and long commutes. I promised Jeff that we could explore and be adventurous every other weekend, or that if we do something active on Saturday, I’ll try to reserve Sunday as a day of rest. We’ll see how well this plan goes, especially as the kids’ sports schedules heat up. I love seeking out new experiences and connections and it’s really hard for me to say no to new challenges and opportunities.

How was your labor day? Did you labor? Play? Rest? All of the above? Hope it was good for YOU and that you enjoy the shortened week.

Namaste.