Day 330: Last Day of School

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Today was the last day of school for my kids in Holland. It’s significant to me for several reasons. It is a milestone that we’ve reached as a family and I’m hyper aware of the end of our journey in the Netherlands.

We had several goodbye celebrations to mark the end and transition and to maximize our time with friends.

The hardest part is letting go and hearing Charlie cry from the pain of realizing he won’t see his friends again for a very long time. He made some really great friends here and trying to help him accept and process the loss of such strong connections is difficult, especially when I feel the same way.

Goodbye to all my Holland friends until we meet again. Goodbye to all my expat soul mates who understand this journey and can relate because you’ve been there with me and get it!

And as Jen said to me this morning as the day started, don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened. Great advice that carried me through the day, despite the heavy sadness.

Safe travels my friends until we meet again.

xoxoxoxo

Full house

Best friends

19Jun2013

Day 329: Goodbyes Suck

Posted in moving by adrianahartley

Letting go… namaste

I had the best day again today.

Yet I am fully aware of the change that is looming.

As I live in the moment and enjoy these last 3 weeks in Europe and the last few days of school, I am feeling the heaviness of what’s to come.

I feel extreme joy in the celebration of life with good friends, fully aware of the loss I’m going to feel when we say goodbye for the summer… for the school year… for the end of this journey.

Today I went paddling for 1 1/2 hours with Barbara and enjoyed being on the water. Afterwards, we swung from a rope swing over and into the water and swam to the dock, just like kids. Can you see the smile that was on my face? I did yoga on the board before coming in and the picture above is me relaxing and letting go. What a perfect way to spend the morning. Thank you, my friend!

Jen invited me to join her for a sushi lunch. I learned from her that sometimes it takes awhile for friendships to bloom and a year just isn’t long enough! But once you establish roots, I think you can go anywhere and pick up where you left off, right Jen? I’m going to believe that! And if Lucy can Facetime with you from Russia, surely I can figure out how to keep in touch from America.

Finally, we had a swim party for the kids to celebrate with their friends and mine. What kids don’t like swimming? They were all so happy and the parents enjoyed chatting and relaxing too while the kids played. I received a wonderful, personalized, handmade pottery gift from Bob that really meant a lot to me. He’s been taking a pottery class and took the time to create something special for our family. I’d share it, but it has an inscription with our address, that I’ll save to share after we move. Thank you, Bob! What a cool and unique gift!! I love it. As we left the pool, two friends came home with us for a pizza dinner and a sleepover. I’ve got to make sure they are living it up too and bending all the rules. Change is good!

I know change is coming and I’m ok with that, but it doesn’t change how I feel about it. It sucks to have to say goodbye, yet I know we have to and I know we can keep in touch and possibly see our friends again, but our day to day lives together are about to change. And that makes me sad, even though I know what waits for us back home is good.

It’s that yin and yang thing again… the constant in life. The constant balancing and rebalancing and adapting. I think I’m getting the hang of it, and know how to do it, but I’m feeling it. Can you feel it? Do you know what I’m talking about? It’s probably no different for the mama’s sending their babies off to college this year… it’s the right thing to do, change is happening, growth is occurring and new stages are developing, but not without a sense of loss and letting go.

So today I wish us all the peace to let go, and to know how and when, and to breathe, and to feel it and to smile and to move on with grace. The way we are supposed to, even when it’s hard and it sucks and it’s ok.

Namaste.

18Jun2013

Day 328: Gifts in the Mail

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My birthday continues this week! I love it. I got a card in the mail yesterday from my mama. Tons of Facebook messages graced my wall, giving me time to think of all my friends and loved ones. And today, a package arrived in the mail with lots of goodies! Thank you April for sending me my favorite cake. I can’t wait for Juliana to bake it for me. The kids were thrilled most especially with the Zots and Takis. I loved the flip flops candy and the bag from Brenda too! What a surprise. Thank you. I miss you and appreciate you thinking of me. xoxo. And your card was perfectly us. 🙂

Today I was stuck at home, waiting for the Gardner and the Realtor to clean up the yard and show the house. This is one part of moving I don’t love. I felt stuck here waiting for appointments and people showed up early and stayed way too long. I was bummed to be stuck in the house on a bright, sunny day, but I’m glad my house is clean and presentable! I was able to schedule a few more visits with family before we move, and work on the Grade 8 celebration festivities. I coordinated a few more details of upcoming vacations and sorted through piles of papers, and scheduled more appointments. It’s a good thing that I had to be home after all. But tomorrow, I’m going outside to play! Namaste. Hope you had a good day, honey!

17Jun2013

Day 327: The Bathtub Musesum – aka Stedelijk Museum in Amsterdam

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If you’re going to be in Amsterdam for more than 3 days, get yourself the Museum Card. For one fee, you can drop in on several of the best museums for one price and for as long as you like. It’s brilliant and makes art and history more easily attainable.

Today I had some errands to run in the city. I rode my bike in because I love riding now, especially since it was warm and sunny. I had an extra hour and was passing by the Stedelijk Museum, that is shaped like a gigantic bathtub from the outside. At first, I was just going to stop in the museum store to look for another gift to bring back to the states. But they didn’t have what I needed, and since I have a museum card, I figured I should take a quick stroll through. I’ll share a few pictures and a few thoughts.

First of all, the SM is a moden museum and I don’t typically appreciate modern ar. But I like to learn about things I know nothing about, and not that I would learn a lot in an hour, but I did learn that I was more curious and intrigued and wanted to know more. That’s always good.

What I noticed was that the museum wasn’t crowded, not with people and not with art. The space was open and uncrowded and minimalist. I think this fits with the look and feel of modern art in general. Some pieces were curiosities and others I couldn’t understand. Some made me think and wonder, and some I just walked right by. When I read the little poster boards describing the different are pieces, I gained more insights and wanted to know more about the artists and their thinking. I especially liked the photography art work on the beach, showing the innocence of the children staring directly at the camera, from all over the world, by Rineke Dijkstra. Vincent Van Gogh’s work always catches my eye too. I love his brash brush strokes that define his work and makes it readily identifiable.

The other weird experience was “walking” into a bar, called the Beanery by Edward Kienholz. This was represented with strange artifacts from a bar from West LA, where the patrons’ faces are all made from clock faces. “The entire work symbolizs the switch from real time… the the surrealist time inside the bar, where people waste time, kill time, forget time, and ignore time,” Kienholz explained. Only one person could walk in the exhibit at a time and had to leave your bag outside. It was tight and dark, and there were recordings playing that made you feel like you were in the local bar. Very weird!

All in all, I’m glad I went to see it and now I want to learn more. I don’t think I’ll ever be bored!! I have so much to learn. Modern art, here I come!

Adriana

16Jun2013

Day 326: Today is My Birthday!!

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I Am Happy!

I love birthdays! I love mine and yours and celebrating life. I love the songs and presents and decorations. I love the attention and the meaning of birthdays, and bringing people together. I love chocolate cake and ice cream and blowing out candles, as long as I don’t think of spit flying out on the cake when you blow!! I am so thankful every time another milestone comes and have no problem with getting older, except I don’t really like the wrinkles and gray hairs that serve as receipts for the aging process. I’d just as well skip the receipt!!

Today is my birthday and Father’s Day and I was lucky enough to celebrate it in Amsterdam with my family and friends, out on the water. Nothing makes me happier than being on the water, in the sunshine and being with loved ones. Thanks, Kurt and Ali for sharing your boat and day with us. And thank you Blythe for my cool card and delicious birthday cupcakes. You made my day!

I Am truly blessed and am filled with gratitude for the 40+ years of my life! It just keeps getting better! Thanks mom and dad for giving me life. Thank you to all of my friends, family, teachers, mentors and acquaintances who have connected with me and made my life more meaningful.

My birthday wish is to share with you peace, love and happiness. Namaste.

Char and I went for a bike ride with the Bakfiets this morning and found a fun, new little park.

My “twin” boys enjoying each other on the tram ride into the city. I love when they get along.

I love Amsterdam!

Beautiful Amsterdam from the Prinsengracht

My honeys making our birthday/father’s day dinner. Juliana picked the menu and Jeff helped her while I got to lay on the couch. Thanks, guys!! The best part was not thinking of what to eat/cook and hearing Juliana say she understands how much work it takes to get a family meal on the table. Love her. Love this life. Loved the dinner! xoxo Thank you!!

15Jun2013

Day 325: De Bakfiets & De Bazaar & the Celebration Dinner

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What a busy day! It started with pouring rain and then turned out to be sunny and beautiful and windy.

Jeff has been talking about wanting to bring back a Bakfiets – a bike with a cargo basket attached to it, to bring back with us to the States. They are seen everywhere around Holland, usually with mamas and papas riding their children from here to there. We thought it would be fun to bring one back to California to replace our red wagon that we use to carry all sorts of stuff from our house, to the park, and to April and Steve’s house and back. We think it’ll be especially fun on Halloween, to carry a keg around the neighborhood and carry all the candy! Maybe our portable BBQ will fit in it too!

Today I went searching for one, let’s say for Father’s Day, does that get me off the hook for trying to pick a gift?? But anyway, they are hard to find used so I posted a request for one on Holland Homies (if you’re moving to the area, send a request to the Facebook fan page to be added – it’s a great resource for expats) and searched the Amsterdam Mamas (another great Facebook resource) for a used one. No luck. And then I remembered you can find things on the Dutch eBay, http://www.marktplaatz.nl. When we first arrived here, I tried to shop there but without speaking or understanding any Dutch, I felt lost and uncomfortable trying to communicate with sellers, so I gave up. But today, was my lucky day! I went searching and found some, but then realized they are far away from where I live and I don’t have a way to transport it anymore. And they are very big, so I’d have to ride it home. I searched on ads from vandaag (today) and there popped up a three-wheeler bakfiets located in Amstelveen. Really? I asked Jeff again if he was sure he really wanted one, and he said yes. So I called the guy, and spoke Dutch and asked to switch to English. An hour later, we drove over to his house less than a mile away, did a test drive, and rode it home with the biggest smiles on our faces. I can’t wait to bring this beast home!

Our new bakfiets

After we got home, we went to meet up with Joseine to check out De Bazaar in Beverwijk.

Her family started this over 30 years ago after her parents visited Colorado Springs and saw the concept and wanted to create something similar in Holland. This is the coolest place that no one that I know besides my Dutch friends know about. It’s like the Grand Bazaar in Turkey, and a flea market, and a produce market, and a casino, auctions, pony rides for kids, international food court, inexpensive hair cuts and eyebrow threading, and houses the new Bounce, an indoor trampoline playground. It’s only open on the weekends, but it’s definitely worth a visit.

Drippy, ooey, gooey, baklava! Yum!

Cool chandelier made from lanterns over the coffee area

I chose Malaysian food in the food court, and the kids chose Chinese, Joseine chose Afghani food, and Jeff chose Turkish food. How cool is that??

If you plan to go, make sure you have plenty of hours to spend there as there is so much to see and we only were able to see maybe 20 percent of it. There are so many cool things about it, but the coolest part is to see all the international communities working side by side, trading and selling and creating a marketplace, which creates unity through diversity. I love it and want to go back again, if we can fit in one more weekend day before our move date. You should definitely plan to see it when you come to Amsterdam. Here is a link to their website: http://www.debazaar.nl/

9 Euro haircuts! What a bargain after we’ve been paying 25+ Euros in Amstelveen!

The reason we had to leave early was to get Juliana to a birthday party and to a celebratory dinner to honor Christian and Matthew as they get ready to finish middle school. Matthew is leaving for vacation before the actual ceremony, so we decided to celebrate early. Christian chose to eat at Kokosai, an all you can eat sushi place in Amstelveen. The way it works is you’re allowed to pick whatever food you want from a menu card, but you order a round of food at a time, and you have 5 rounds to choose what you want to eat and can chose as much as you can/want each round. Each round you might pick 5-7 plates, but can pick as much as you want. By the third round, you’re so full, you don’t really want anymore, but you still have the option. The fish was fresh, and there were lots of side dishes such as tempura, edamame, seaweed salad, Thai beef, fried rice, etc. If you choose to go, go hungry. They give you a two hour window to be seated and then you have to leave to make room for the next guests. And be sure to make a reservation, as it’s nearly impossible to get a table without one.

Congratulations Christian and Matthew! You both will go far and I’m sure the next 4 years are going to fly by so quickly! I’m so proud of both of you and wish you well.

All you can eat sushi at Kokosai. We were all full!

Happy Father’s Day tomorrow to all the Dad’s!

xo Adriana

14Jun2013

Day 324: Do The Work…

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Admiring the gifts of friendship…

I went to bed at 2 am this morning. I was still on a high from last night’s celebration and in denial that I had to get up by 7 am to start cleaning for the landlord, a real estate agent and a couple who were coming to look at our house at 8:15 this morning. The kids had late start for school (9:20 am vs. 8:30 am on Fridays), so it was totally doable to squeeze in a visit from these guys before school, right?? What, am I crazy? Yes, just a little bit… but I’m sure that’s what you find endearing about me, right? 😉

The good thing is that my house was picked up and decluttered by 8 am and was ready to receive guests. Really? I have to remember that this is possible, because I wouldn’t believe it if you told me it was true. It felt really good to be dressed, lunches made, kitchen cleaned up and ready to take the kids to school an hour before usual.

The landlord was very happy and thankful and he was respectful of our need to get out of the house by 9 am. Everyone cooperated and I think got what they needed. This made me happy, because we all flexed to take care of each other and did the work to make this transition as smooth as possible. He later emailed me, asking for my help with a key and dropped by later in the afternoon to make a copy . When he came back, he brought me gifts, thanking me for being kind and flexible and willing to work with him. I was touched that he was so generous and kind back. I love when life works like this. Let’s remember to take care of each other, even if it means a slight inconvenience for ourselves. Life is good.

Gifts from the landlord, just because… 😉

14Jun2013

Day 323: What You Give, You Receive

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I believe in positive thinking and focusing on what’s good, even though I’m not naive and know that not everything is really good. I feel that by thinking about and paying attention to what’s right and what’s good about others, I have the opportunity to celebrate these gifts every day and I find happiness this way. And by celebrating the goodness and the light in my little part of the world and more importantly those around me, I receive the gifts back. It’s an amazing process that I’m still learning and hopefully sharing and creating with you. And let me tell you, the journey of acceptance is amazing and rewarding.

I am blessed.

Tonight my friends had a party in my honor to celebrate our friendship together in this short year. All 20 people who were invited attended. We all wanted to be together and we’re all so busy but made time for dinner and dancing. Some of us had guests just fly in tonight. Some are flying out first thing in the morning. Others had recitals and swim diplomas and a 100 other things to do on a “work” night, but everyone came. I was so touched and honored and I kept wondering how that happened. I know that when typically you throw a party, usually at least 25% will not be able to show up for one reason or another. But tonight… 100%! Thank you, friends for your presence!!

Carolyn and Jen planned a wonderful dinner party at what felt like someone’s house. It was an intimate setting just for us, in the middle of Albert Cuypstraat at Saskia’s Huiskamer. You’ll definitely want to look this place up if you need a place for 25 or less. The table was set with beautiful floral bouquets, and gift bags for each guests. It was intimate and warm and the ambiance was perfect. Everyone was asked to wear something orange in honor of our new Dutch heritage.

We enjoyed several courses and after each course, we would get up and switch seats so that everyone got a chance to mingle and chat with one another. This was brilliant! Through out the night, my friends got up to share a story about how we met and how we became friends. I think I cried several times and was so touched by their meaningful words. I love our community of friends and what we’ve created in this short year together.

After dinner, Jane turned on the music and we danced the night away until the next day! We had some wild fun together with our orange boas, the white silly looking stuffed horse, the orange wig and the orange sunglasses.

Thank you all for being my forever friends. I will miss you all and will take you with me on our next journey and hope y’all come visit me in California. I love you!!

Namaste.

12Jun2013

Day 322: I Declare

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Did you know that when you leave the Netherlands that you have to go to the town hall and declare your intent to depart the country? Luckily Jeff knew this and that our awesome Relocation Consultant knew this too. Today we visited the Gemeente Amstelveen with our passports and filled out our Declaration of Departure Relocation Abroad Form (in case you want to know what to request when you ever have to leave your new country).

It didn’t take long, but we both had to be present to sign our intent on the form and choose the date we plan to no longer be residents. They printed out temporary official forms and put them in a plastic sleeve for us to carry until our official departure date arrives and they can officially deregister our family. I think we get to keep our Dutch Residence Cards as souvenirs.

I declare that it feels weird to sign out – kind of like we’re getting a receipt or a diploma for our experience here. Weird.

Afterwards, we walked over to the old part of downtown and had lunch at one of the restaurants we first visited when we arrived in Amstelveen – a delicious little Korean restaurant. Jeff and I both love ethnic food and this place reminds us of a place near our home in Sunnyvale, where there is a large Korean population right down the street. Lunch was excellent! It’s called Damso if you want to try it for yourself. I couldn’t find a website for them, but here’s more information: http://www.iens.nl/restaurant/23922/amstelveen-damso

By the way, we also had a cleaning service company come visit the house who specializes in preparing houses for new tenants so that you don’t lose any of your rental deposit. The lady who came by today was very thorough and seems like she really knows her business and the expat community. I’ll let you know what the estimate is and if we like her, if this information would be valuable to you. I didn’t think about having to clean the drapes and to dust out the attic. Sounds pretty thorough to me.

On a more fun note and another sign that the year is wrapping up, I met with a team today to discuss Grade 8 celebrations. I’m the parent rep for Christian’s grade and am helping with planning the details for his “graduation” ceremony. I can’t believe he starts high school in the fall. And knowing that Katie graduated from high school this year, and feeling like it was just yesterday that I watched her walk to kindergarten for the first day of school, I know these next four years are going to speed by so quickly. I want to slow time down and savor every moment. I declare that I’m happy that we’re moving back home when we are so that Christian can start high school with his friends in our local neighborhood. This makes me content and feels right, and helps me to accept and appreciate this transition and it’s timing. Ahhh… that feels better! I just had to talk it out. 😉

Natural beauty inviting us into Vondel Park

I have one last celebration to share before wrapping things up for the day. Tonight we were invited to a very special 2 year old’s birthday party in Vondel Park. The kids and I took the bus into the city and walked to the park to meet up with Jen and Todd and friends. It was nice to be together outside and I loved watching how happy Miss J was, eating her ice cream cake, running with her friends, opening presents and flirting with the fitness group in the park. When I asked her for a hug goodbye, she came running and gave me a big hug, saying “I love you” back to me. I am going to miss her little face and her playful personality, and her mama too!

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter, Jen! You look so happy.

Happy girl – a bit blurry having to crop out the leg that walked in front of this cute face!

Miss J joining the fitness fun bootcamp in the park.

Charlie playing in the park with his friend G.

I declare it was a good day, a fulfilling day, and I am content listening to the rain, even though it’s June 12th!

What do you declare?

Namaste.

11Jun2013

Day 321: Swirled – Sad and Happy and Thankful

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Goodbye, Miss Minivan! You’ve been all over the world and we’re leaving you behind in Amsterdam.

Continuing on with the process of moving back to the States, today Jeff and I went to the Honda Dealer to dispose of our 2003 Honda Odyssey Minivan. Now I never really wanted a minivan, and don’t think they’re very sexy, but I just pretended it wasn’t one and enjoyed all of it’s efficiency, practicality and ability to move many people and children all over the world. It has 125,00 miles on it and on our last trip to Normandy, the transmission light came on and that was the end of the light for her. To repair the transmission would have cost 6300 Euros, which is $8365 USD. The van isn’t worth that much, but we were hoping it would last for our duration in the Netherlands. Sadly, it didn’t and we couldn’t get a rebuilt transmission because this model of vehicle is not made in Holland. We can’t sell the vehicle as is, because of tax reasons and it not having been here for a year yet. So we were stuck with a sour lemon.

For some reason this made me very sad. I didn’t want to let go of it, but I had to. I didn’t want to give it away for nothing, but I had to. I didn’t want to leave it behind in Holland this way, but I had to. I have to let go. I have to not be so attached. I have to not care. But I do. And I did. And I cried. But I think it was just symbolic of having to let go and leave and say goodbye, and I’m not ready yet. I don’t want to. But I have to. And it’s ok. And I have so much to look forward to. But I’m sad to let go. And so I cried. Not an ugly cry, but a sad cry, as part of the process of accepting the change. And Jeff probably thought I was crazy. But you and I know, I wasn’t really crying about the car – it was just a good excuse to cry about leaving and hurting a bit, and letting go.

We took off my roof racks, and emptied the CDs and jackets and wrappers and contents from the glove box. I took down the rearview mirror attachment I used to have eyes in back of my head, looking at my kids while we drove to Thousand Oaks, the Grand Canyon, Colorado, Oregon, Washington, Canada, Luxembourg, Belgium, Lichtenstein, Germany, and France just to name a few places.

And then I said goodbye to my car and the memories it helped me to make, and another tear fell. And I kept saying how stupid I was for crying over a stupid car and that it was really not that big of a deal, and that everything was ok. And then I took a deep breathe and let go. Aaahhhhh…..

………………..

I was an hour late to my physio apointment that I thought was at 11, but really was at 10. I’m a bit absent minded these days. I said goodbye to my therapist, since I don’t have time left to visit any more. I didn’t feel too sad about this, but more of a relief. One less thing to do, one less item to check off my list. Let’s just hope my headaches stay away.

I stopped by the Kringloop (Salvation Army) store to figure out how to donate any furniture and household goods we won’t need any more once we’re ready to move next month. Between my limited Dutch and the worker’s limited English, it probably took 20 minutes to set up two appointments. They first want to come to the house to see what we have to donate, and then they schedule another visit to do the pickup. All is set now, I just have to finish deciding what to take and what to leave.

While I was working on this task, I got a text from Jen inviting me to go for a walk or run with her. I was so glad to hear from her, and since I’d accomplished two BIG tasks, I was happy to take a break. I just wanted to enjoy her company and hear about and see her pictures from her BIG trip to Uganda (and selfishly not think about me leaving.) I invited her over for lunch, if she’d bring her computer with her!! She luckily agreed. 😉 She recently went to Uganda to support one of her best friends, who is helping to build a school and to raise money through sponsorships of the children. She went primarily to take pictures of the children so that people who sponsor them can see the light in their eyes. I am so proud of and inspired by her for making and taking the time to go to support her friend and those in need. You can learn more about Parental Care Ministries Work in Uganda here: http://www.parentalcareministries.org/wordpress/ Our lunch date was exactly what I needed – quality time with a good friend! I was content again. Thanks Jen for our “run”. It was a perfect afternoon.

Spontaneous lunch outside with Jen – this is my favorite salad made with beets, balsamic vinegar, toasted pine nuts, arugula, and goat cheese. It was a gorgeous day out!

So remember yesterday I mentioned how I am practicing and learning to let go and to let go of anxiety and to just flow with what comes my way and how uncomfortable this is for me? Phew, that was a long sentence! Well today I was on one of those anxiety highes and as I breathed and let go, that’s when Jen texted me and then lunch and sharing photos and a bike ride and shopping unfolded from not having a “real” plan. How could I have planned something that great when I was so sad earlier this morning? I don’t know how it works, but it does for me and I hope it will for you too. It’s letting go of fear and control and then accepting what comes your way and adapting every step. Good things happen that way.

And to add to the list of good things happening today, Patti Beth called me to say she had a gift for me. She’s leaving town in 3 more days, so it’ll be another sad day of goodbyes, that I’m trying not to dwell on, but I’m definitely feeling. The gift she gave me was so touching and meaningful and I’m so thankful for it. She painted a wooden clog for me and the letter she wrote on the bottom of it was even greater and really touched my heart. Now can you see why it’s so hard to leave here? I’ve made really good friends and have new girlfriends for life. Thank you Patti Beth for your thoughtful gift. I am going to miss you.

One of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever been given.

I felt so drained today from moving between the extremes of being really sad to really happy. After picking up 2 out of 3 of kids from school and socializing with the other mamas, I decided to relax and surprise my little Dutchies and stopped near our house for some of their favorite, unhealthy, Dutch treats – bitterballen and Kaassoufflé – deep fried cheese. We all loved sitting outside and enjoying our deep-fried snacks that we can only get here (I think!) Enjoying the moments…

Charlie with his bitterballen

So there you have it… a busy day in the life of a mom, trying to wrap up the end of the school year while saying goodbye to good friends and planning the details of our move back to the States. Life is good… even when it’s sad and bumpy.

Namaste