Day 311: Goodbye Party

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It’s official… we are moving and tonight it felt real. Patty and Bob planned a goodbye party for us and several of our friends were there. We went on a canal boat cruise through Amsterdam and then to a restaurant for tapas and drinks and dancing. I had so much fun celebrating with everyone and was thankful that everyone came out and enjoyed being together. The hardest part of moving is having to say goodbye to our friends, the best part of Holland. I love you all and am so thankful you are part of my life, forever.

“(We) are now part of an international community of soul mates, who share the common, universal experiences of surviving – and thriving – in an overseas home.” – Robin Pascoe

I will miss you all so much and hope you all come to California to see me again. You’ll always have a place to stay. And I hope to see you again wherever you may go. Thank you for sharing this magical journey with me.
You are loved.

Namaste.

31May2013

Day 310: Making Decisions

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I had to push myself today to make three “big” decisions and I struggled with the process more than I should have.

I learned that three things affect my decision making process:

1) not having enough structure or pressure to make a decision (I tend to procrastinate and then work better under pressure)

2) having too many choices or options

3) trying to balance the needs and wants of others with my own desires

My first decision was whether or not to go to yoga this morning. Sounds so stupid, but I was feeling down today and didn’t want to go, even though I knew it was good for me and needed to go. I put my yoga pants on first thing this morning to inspire me to go after kid drop off. But I had to push myself three times to actually get me there and I had to actively talk myself into going vs. out of going and felt like I was my own freak show in my head… go to yoga, no go home and have a cup of tea and be lazy. You’re late, no you can make it. Turn right and just go home, no go straight and find the new studio! And then I was late and convinced myself I wasn’t going but I’d just drive by anyway to find the studio because I didn’t want to walk in 5 minutes late and I was mad at myself. Luckily for me, the instructor was standing at the door and recognized me and told me where to park and said he’d wait for me. Can I just tell you how happy I was? If he wasn’t standing at the door (which I don’t know why he was), I would not have gone in. But there he was and there I was rolling out my matt and so thankful that I kept moving one foot in front of the other despite all my negative self talk not to go. Phew!

The second big decision I’ve been struggling with all week is when to move back home. I weighed all the pros and cons and discussed it with Jeff and the kids and made a decision, but then second guessed myself. Sometimes even making a good decision is difficult because you have to leave other options behind that have benefits too. Even this sounds stupid to me, but when a decision becomes emotional, it’s harder to feel good about even your good decision because it might hurt others. I made my decision and then felt sad all day for deciding to return home earlier than Jeff and our original plan. I’m happy with my choice but sad for having to forgo travel plans and time together and leaving Jeff to close up the house alone.

The third decision wasn’t as big, but followed a similar pattern. I wanted to go for a bike ride this afternoon to Ouderkerk and I wanted to go with Jeff and the kids, if they wanted to join me. I knew I really wanted to go and I patiently waited for Jeff to finish his conference calls and the kids to have some down time before asking them to join me again. It doesn’t get dark here until after 10 pm, so I was happy still going at 8 pm. But by 7:30ish, the rest of the family started having second thoughts, the weather began to chill, and the little one wanted to stay home and order pizza. I stil wanted to go on the ride and see the sheep and open fields and the river, but they all had other ideas. I almost and I think I did say, fine, we won’t go, and then changed my mind and struggled to get out the door with a few little ducklings behind me. But at first no one was happy, except me. Jeff and I decided to go and the rest stayed back and then two changed their minds and hurriedly tried to catch up with us while one stayed home. I struggled to decide whether to go because I wanted to make everyone happy and in the process almost made everyone miserable, including myself. In the end, it was a great decision and we were thankful we pushed on despite the resistance and had a fabulous time together. Next time I want to be more decisive and convincing when I make a decision to help everyone with the clarity. I don’t expect them to do what I want, but it would be good for me if I was clear and firm about what I want. I’m still learning.

Listening to Charlie whistle and sing on his bike because he was so happy made me thankful I didn’t give up and that I made the “tough” choice to go anyway despite the No’s. On the way back home, after our ride along the river and a stop at a pizza parlor that was open, he rode up next to me and said, “I love you mama.” He was just thanking me for taking him on a bike ride. Who knew?

I Am Content.

Here are the beautiful pictures from our Friday Night Bike Ride to Ouderkerk and along the Amstel. Life is good!

29May2013

Day 308: Wanderlust Wednesday – Free Concert and Negen Straatjes and Rain

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Can I just tell you that it’s raining buckets full of rain today? Thank God we got out and celebrated the sun yesterday because today is the polar opposite. Flooding and thunderstorms and rain galore!

On Wednesdays in Amsterdam, they offer a free lunch time concert at Het Concert Gebouw, the musical hall right across the way from the Rijksmuseum. You have to line up an hour or so before the show to get a seat, but it is well worth it. I love the feel of being in a theater. It feels so elegant and grown-up! Today, two brothers performed three pieces on the piano together. It was so amazing to watch their passion and talent and joy, not to mention their hands, and to hear the beautiful music they created together. I loved it!

Waiting in line for the concert doors to open.

Inside the intimate mini-hall. No photos were allowed during the performance.

Beautiful chandeliers and architectural details.

After the concert, Jeff and I had a quiet lunch at the theater restaurant. The atmosphere there was really nice with the large windows looking towards the street and high vaulted ceilings. Lunch was very good too… Toasted sandwiches with cheese and chicken and chutney, and one with goat cheese and aubergines, with side salads. I tried a vanilla chai latte for the first time…very tasty!

I stil had some time left before I had to pick up the kids from school. I took the tram up to the Dam square and wandered over to explore the Negen Straatjes, also known as the nine little streets. The stores and restaurants in this neighborhood are very quaint, kind of Anthropologie like. Here is what I saw while I was wandering:

Cool lighting store.

I left my favorite polka dotted umbrella behind somewhere today! I thought it was in my bag but I mistakenly was squeezing my water bottle and not my umbrella. I hope it finds a good home, although I got soaked walking home from the tram. It’s been pouring ever since! I’m done with this crazy weather and think I’m heading back to California as soon as possible!

Real rain filter.

Before I go for the day, I want to wish a Happy Birthday, to my sweet friend Michele today! I miss our hikes and chats and can’t wait to celebrate with you soon!

And happy birthday to my cousin Laurie! You always make me laugh and are such a fun person to be around. I love and miss you!

Life is good…live it up while you can! xo

28May2013

Day 307: Joy On A Bike

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I played hooky today and skipped my Dutch class. The sun was shining and it’s supposed to rain tomorrow and I needed Vitamin D and exercise. Does that sound like a good excuse? Plus now that I’m moving in 2 months, my desire to master the language has dwindled… Not that I don’t want to learn Dutch, but I only have so many days left with the kids in school (think free kid care) and sun shiny days.

I thought you might love to see the beautiful forest by my house from a biker’s point of view. Enjoy!!

Love the goat farm, and this little guy jumping through the air!

These flowers are right by my front door and were so nice to see when I came home.

And to end the beautiful day, the kids and I and our friends walked to the ice cream shop to celebrate the sunshine and warm weather after school. Living in the moment and living it up!

Life is good, and sweet! Namaste.

22May2013

Day 301: More than Enough

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You know how I sometimes say, “I wish you enough”? To me, that could mean enough:

Love

Food

Attention

Happiness

Joy

Peace

Friends

Knowledge

Strength

Clothing/Shoes/Flowers/Stuff

And tonight, I include travel.

I am learning the hard way. I had enough, more than enough and I am burned out.

I am exhausted.

I am tired.

I had too much, more than enough and I need a break. Kinda like eating too much chocolate and then feeling bloated, but still wanting one more taste. I don’t want to stop traveling and playing, but I need to.

I would not recommend booking every weekend full for two months at a time, like we have, with three kids in tow. Not an expat best practice. And my kids are not happy with me. They just want to chill and hangout and see their friends. I get it. I can learn from them too.

It’s hard to admit that when I feel invincible and want to do it all and see it all before we move and I feel like we have to do it all right now. I don’t like to slow down and I don’t like to admit it when I’m not feeling well. I also don’t like to say no or change plans once we make commitments.

I’m not trying to complain, I’m just being honest. My body is not liking me right now and I’m listening (I think). My kids are tired too and I think we’ve all had more than enough. Yikes.

So I am practicing saying no and changing plans, and I’m learning to adapt in other ways that make me uncomfortable.

I wish you enough and the courage to know and say when enough is enough.

Namaste.

15May2013

Day 294: Family Time And Missing Family

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Tonight I am going to appreciate what I have, even though my mind is on what I am missing. I want to be back in California to celebrate my sister’s graduation from college. I am sad that I’m not going to be there to see her cross the stage and receive her diploma. I want to be with my family this weekend for the BIG party to recognize her HUGE accomplishment. But we are living overseas and getting there is just not possible (as the Dutch would say!)

Kimmy is a single mom, raising two beautiful young daughters, and has worked day and night to accomplish her goal. She is so incredibly artistic and loving and funny and smart! I am proud of her for sticking with it and finishing the work and can’t wait to see where she goes next on her journey. I’m proud of my parents for being so supportive of her and my nieces, picking up the kids from school and helping out to make life a little easier for them. I want to be there too! But I’ll have to wait until August to see her and we’ll have our own private party then. Congratulations, Kimmy Joy! I hope you enjoy every minute!

Tonight I enjoyed my family, all snuggled on a little couch upstairs watching Band of Brothers. Not exactly the feel good movie, nor one you really want your kids seeing, but one we wanted to see together before heading to Normandy this weekend. Our kids are getting hands on history lessons and are making connections between their family and friends who have experienced war first hand. Charlie’s classmate’s grandfather was killed by the Nazis. Our house repair guy used to hide from the Nazi’s out in the Dutch fields, wearing wooden clogs and pretending he wasn’t Jewish. Jeff’s Grandfather, and a couple great uncles fought in World War Two, and survived. Our kids have been listening to their stories and asking questions about what it was like and did they get shot. I’m hoping that by them going to visit the battle grounds, they’ll feel and experience a bit more of our history and make it more tangible and real. Hopefully they will find an appreciation for history and it will help them to study and learn about it in their classes as they grow up. Tonight we snuggled them a bit longer and answered their questions.

Late night sunset

We are thankful for our freedom and opportunity to live in Europe; to see and feel and experience as much as we can before moving back home. Kimmy, cheers to you from across the sea! I love you, girl!

Namaste.

14May2013

Day 293: What Makes You Happy?

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How much of your day do you get to spend doing things you love? What makes you happy and are you making time for those things?

This was painted on a store window in Fussen this week and I loved the saying. It gave me inspiration for tonight’s blog…

I think it’s kinda crazy that I’ve been blogging for over a year, every day. I obviously must like it as its become something I look forward to everyday, even though some days I don’t know what to write. As I sit down to just do it, inspiration always seems to magically appear. Writing and sharing and connecting and focusing on what’s good in my little world makes me happy. Reading your comments and hearing you tell me that you read my blog and make connections with my story makes me happy. I like taking the time to reflect on the days of my life as they swirl by, and I plan to turn my blog into a book when I’m done…so that I can taste life twice!

What do you love to do? What makes you happy every day? What would you do if you could do anything you wanted? I think we have to dream like that to make our dreams become reality. And I think it works!! If we are realistic with our expectations, we can find peace and joy every day. Some things that make us most happy are very simple, and some things take more time or money, but I bet most things that make us happy are attainable daily.

Today I didn’t feel good again (headaches and GERD) so I enjoyed staying home and resting all day, until it was time to see Charlie’s open class music show. Even though I didn’t feel good, I enjoyed seeing his passionate teacher and his class and his little body playing and smiling and laughing with his friends. I loved sitting next to my friends and watching hem enjoy their kids as well. And Jen’s baby made my day when she reached up and wanted to come sit on my lap and be with me. These things make me happy!

Kids make me happy.

Passionate and loving teachers make me happy.

Loving babies makes me happy.

Being part of a village filled with friends makes me happy.

Cooking delicious and healthy dinners make me happy.

Seeing this family made me happy.

Playing with my kids makes me happy.

All is good, even when I’m not well.

What made you happy today?

13May2013

Day 292: The Simple Beauty of Swans and Ice Cream

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We were so tired today that I let the kids sleep in and skip school. We needed a day of rest. They woke up at 10:30 am!! We weren’t ready to really move or get out of the house until 3pm. After coming home from a long trip, there’s more work to do like putting away luggage, lots of laundry, grocery shopping and sorting all the stuff.

I’ve adopted the Dutch way of going to the grocery store and buying what we need for dinner that day and buying what looks fresh, available and on sale. For tonight’s dinner, Charlie picked steaks for the grill, baked potatoes, Chinese broccoli and I picked whole carrots to roast with balsamic, Dijon, a bit of olive oil and salt and pepper.

While I was preparing dinner, the little ones were out riding bikes. Juliana came home and told me I had to come with her quickly. My first thought was something happened to Charlie, but she had a smile on her face. I jumped on my bike and headed up the road with her, as she requested and dropped everything. (I’m listening to all the wise women who tell me to enjoy them while they’re young!)

What she shared, made my day!

A little swan family!! How adorable are the babies??

And just yesterday we were at the Swan Castle, Neuschwanstein! King Ludwig’s favorite animal was the swan and the swan motif played throughout his castle.

Swans mate for life and protect one another. Seeing this family swimming and eating together and my family enjoying them made me happy. While we were visiting with the swans, our neighbor Peggy walked by with her dog. I really love the feeling of a small neighborhood, and really love the simplicity of life…Shopping, cooking, playing, experiencing nature, visiting with friends, and being with my family.

Afterwards, we came home and finished preparing dinner together. During dinner, I told the kids we were cutting out junk food from our kitchen! I didn’t buy any today,except for one box of cereal. I want our family to eat more delicious and nutritious foods, not that we don’t already, but we also snack too much. But the irony of the conversation came when the ice cream man came by, playing his music and parking outside our front window. In the spirit of letting the kids be kids, and enjoying the moment, we let them go outside and splurge! I hope they remember their fun parents one day when they think we don’t know anything! And I’m not saying they can’t have junk food, but I don’t have to keep a stash in the house, readily available. Yin and yang, it’s all the same!

Life is good. Hope you had a good day and got outside to play!

Goodnight, from Holland.

13May2013

Day 291: Part 1: Happy Mother’s Day from Neuschwanstein Castle

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Happy Mother’s Day, especially to my mama Jane! Everyone who knows her, loves her. She is the most generous and giving and loving woman I know and I’m so thankful for her! Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas in the world.

Today we are traveling through Germany, Austria and the Alps through a surprise May snow fall, Liechtenstein, Switzerland, Germany again and home to Holland which will technically bring us into tomorrow! It’s been amazing to be able to drive through all these countries and to get a glimpse of the different landscapes, terrain, weather, architecture and sites.

The highlight of my day was spent with my family at the Neuschwanstein Castle. This castle served as the model for Walt Disney’s Cinderella’s castle. It was quite majestic with beautiful views of waterfalls, steep cliffs, and open valleys. To get to the castle, we hiked up the hill for 30 minutes and sneaked in some exercise, with some rain and hail. It was quite cold at the top. No pictures were allowed from within the castle, except for in the kitchen.

When we were done with our tour, we headed back down the mountain and stopped for a German lunch. We then took a horse and carriage ride back down the hill. I loved all of it, except for the hour long wait at the castle entrance, waiting for our tour to begin in the rain. The only way to see the castle is with a tour guide.

Goodbye, from Germany…

Part 2: Austria, Liechtenstein, and Switzerland…

7May2013

Day 286: Dogs in Holland

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Dogs are well loved in Holland, maybe even as much as bikes. They are welcome most everywhere and usually quite well behaved.

Today I took Christian to get his hair cut after school to a new barber, since the one I normally take him to was overbooked and we couldn’t wait. When we walked into the barber shop that Bob recommended, this friendly dog greeted us in a gentle way. I actually didn’t mind him at all because he wasn’t overly aggressive getting to know his “new customers.” I am not a dog lover, yet I’m trying to be more tolerant as my husband and daughter keep bringing up the idea of adding one to our family. I even overlooked his wet nose rubbing on my bare leg, which I noticed but didn’t jump in disgust. Could I actually like dogs? Jury is still out…

When I snapped the above picture of Charlie sitting in the old fashioned barber chair in the window, I didn’t even notice the dog sitting near him until I looked at my photos from the day. How cute is he? When Juliana got up from the couch I was sitting on, the dog came up and curled up next to me on the opposite corner. Again, I noticed but wasn’t bothered when I typically don’t like dogs acting like humans. I know, this is one of my “special” quirks, that I’m trying to lose. I’m writing a post about dogs, which is really weird for me… I wonder what this means…Juliana, don’t get your hopes up just yet.

….

Jen brought her dog over the other day when she came to pick up a bike. Both Jeff and I were admiring the dog’s coloring, her fur and her size. She was a miniature, golden doodle and definitely caught our attention. She had a great demeanor, was happy and friendly and obeyed nicely. I caught myself thinking… If we ever get a dog, maybe a golden doodle could be an option. What is this crazy thinking??

And my last dog connection came from Rob and Wendy. They brought their beautiful Dutch shepherds with us to Keukenhof. They were well behaved and brought love to so many people that stopped to take pictures of the dogs. I was fascinated by this. Like they say, babies and dogs are a good way to make friends. Rob was making friends at every bench he stopped at. One couple even invited him to contact them when he goes to China next year, saying its nice to have a friend in the local country and they exchanged numbers. How cool is that?? The other cool thing that Rob did was to help Christian overcome his fear of dogs. Christian was bit (nipped) in the face when he was a young boy and has been tense around dogs ever since. Rob joked with and played with Christian and made him feel comfortable around his dogs. He taught him how to hold the leash, give commands, and to walk and actually enjoy the dogs. Christian followed Rob’s lead and walked them around the gardens all day and loved it. I was very proud of him overcoming his fear and enjoying the outcome. He really liked the dogs and I’m thankful that Rob gave him the opportunity to get to know and like dogs again, and to feel safe. I also admired how much Rob and Wendy loved their four legged babies.

I actually learned a new perspective about dogs this week. Who would have thought it could be possible? Maybe this old dog might be able to learn new tricks after all.

Namaste.