Day 188: Wishes Come True

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It was about this time last year that I was evaluating my life and making wishes and plans for the upcoming year. I believe in having goals and envisioning what you want to help shape the direction of your life.

Our kids were/are at an age where they are more self-sufficient, and there is time to do more for myself and as a couple. Our routine was fairly typical and normal and routinized, and I had the hang of it and was looking for some “excitement.”

After the kids went to bed, I would finish picking up the house, doing dishes, cleaning up clutter, processing paperwork and miscellaneous stuff like that. I would then tend to watch meaningless tv or play mindlessly on my iPhone while Jeff would work on his computer or read, all normal relaxing things to fill the evening hours. I found this comfortable, yet kinda boring and I don’t believe in boredom.

So I said to Jeff, “I want to do something with you. I want us to do something together, like do a project, take a cooking class, do a puzzle, learn something – I don’t know. I just want to do something with you besides sitting on the couch.” He thought I was crazy. He reminded me that we do, do things together all the time, which was true, but I wanted something for just him and me, that we could do together. This must be a girl-thing. I don’t think guys think like this.

Little did I know, what was in store for us from this one little wish. Who knew that we had to move to the Netherlands to take a class together?

Our Dutch class meets once a week for 3 hours. We chat, we write, we listen, we learn and practice and laugh together. Half way through the lesson, we take a break and walk over to Douwe Egberts, to grab a quick cup of coffee and try to order in Dutch. We have friends in our class, including a couple native Chinese speakers that Jeff enjoys practicing and refreshing his Mandarin too! This makes it feel like a weekly happy hour, and we look forward to going every week.

This past weekend we took our books and went to study together at a restaurant and made time for each other and learning – something good for both of us, that we both enjoy. We write texts to each other in our attempted Dutch and we encourage one another to keep on trying.

I’m so glad that we chose to come on this adventure together and to build new memories and shared experiences.

our Dutch book

Dreams do come true.

What are your dreams?

My next big dream is to have a beach house (or a lake house) and play the guitar by the fire pit outside. There. I said it. I hope this one comes true, too!

27Jan2013

Day 186: Sunday Family Day

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How was your day, honey?

Our day was full and I wouldn’t exactly call it a day of rest, which is what we originally planned.

Charlie and Christian had friends sleepover last night. For some weird reason I was excited to get up early and have coffee and make them all pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon. I remember how happy my Grandma used to be when she made food for us. I had that same feeling today. The little boys had so much cooking with me and flipping pancakes in the air. We were all laughing together and breakfast was fun.

While enjoying breakfast, we also watched the men’s final Australian tennis championship. Wow! They are so strong and powerful, focused and intense. I loved watching Murray and Djokovic play and wish I could play like them! The games lasted for almost 4 hours…kinda like running a marathon. At the same time, since I can’t sit still, I cleaned up breakfast dishes and began making my first pot of pea soup, or erwtensoep as they say in Nederlanse. In order to make it, you boil dried peas with bacon and a bay leaf and salt for 45 minutes. While they are simmering, you chop up a carrot, an onion, a leek, celery root and fresh parsley. All of the veggies are then added to the pot for another 30+ minutes until they are nice and soft. Then I took a hand blender and puréed it all together until it was thick and creamy. Meanwhile, I boiled the rookworst ( sausage) to add to the soup.

Barbara and Dennis joined us for a late lunch and we finished the whole pot less one small cup! I didn’t even have time to take a picture to show you! Luckily everyone loved it because my kids had never tried it before. I’m so glad they love another Dutch dish!

We had quite the busy day. After everyone left, Jeff and I went for a run together in the slush. It rained last night and this morning, and our winter wonderland turned to slush. The white covered ground came back to life again and the top of the canal was flowing with water, although you could see ice still a few inches below the water. To think that we were walking on the canal last night and now it is unsafe is crazy to me. Running was a bit challenging because some patches were icy and slushy, but it felt so good to run again. (Sorry – no pictures to share)

Finally, Jeff and I went out for a quick (romantic) date night to study our Dutch. Seriously, we listened to our Dutch CD in the car and drove around to find a place that was open on Sunday to grab a drink and do our homework. We found a great local bar, and made friends with Ike, our cute Dutch waitress who was thrilled to help us learn. She was so much fun and kept coming back between helping other guests and telling us the informal equivalents to the formal sayings we were learning. We liked the atmosphere of the local pub and restaurant that has been in Amstelveen for 125 years, but OMG, the place smelled like an ash tray and no one was smoking. I think it’s because of all the heavy wood and rugs as table cloths that have absorbed years of smoke and never have been cleaned. It reminded me of my Oma and Opa’s house growing up, because everyone used to smoke indoors with the windows closed in the 1970’s!! When we came home, the kids told us we stank! They were right,unfortunately! Too bad, because we really like the place and want to hang out there more often. We’ll see…

Have a great week, y’all! Dream big

27Jan2013

Day 185: Here I Am On Ice

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Today was a crazy, fun day. I love when things just come together. All 3 kids had plans today but I think I was the luckiest one. CJ was having a friend over to spend the night. His friend’s mom dropped him off and she stayed for a cup of tea and a long leisurely lunch. Juliana was supposed to go to a birthday party but wasn’t feeling well and decided to stay home. Poor girl! Charlie was invited to go ice skating, but I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to make it happen. Besides the logistics, it was also snowing quite heavily and I was afraid of going out on the ice, even though I know my friends say it is safe!

We decided to be brave and give it a try and drove over to Barbara’s house. I passed a salt truck on the highway for the first time and my car was pitted with salt. That was interesting. Seeing the snow covered fields was beautiful.

We got to Barbara’s safely and I helped Charlie put on his new ice skates. It has been 2 years since he first skated. I brought Christian’s new skates (that were actually big on me!!) and decided to skate too. Once I saw that the lake was frozen and black (which means good) and Charlie felt safe, I felt free to explore and skated off with Barbara. I LOVED IT! I couldn’t stop smiling and didn’t want to stop, even though the wind was blowing and it was freezing outside! I was having so much fun, and I had never done anything like it before. I loved seeing Charlie have fun too, throwing snowballs, skating and sledding with his friend and being helped by the Dutch locals. We were outside on the frozen lake and I felt like a kid!! It was wonderful, and I felt so lucky that Barbara wanted to share this truly Dutch experience with me! Thanks, Barbara.

Here is a little video of me living in the moment, happy as can possibly be. I wish you all this much joy!! Thank you Barbara for a magical afternoon!

The ice skating and ice hockey continued on the canal out front tonight with friends because tomorrow it’s supposed to warm up again and the chance might be gone, until who knows when. Life is good!

26Jan2013

Day 184: Happy 6 Month Expat Anniversary

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It was 6 months ago today that we left California for this wild adventure. I am thankful for this journey and experience and am glad we chose this decision, despite all the work and logistics and home withdrawals and adaptions we’ve had to make. I am loving learning Dutch, making new friends, and traveling and living in my mom’s home land. Life is good! Thank you all for supporting us and sharing this journey together.

23Jan2013

Day 182: The Arts & Music & Drama

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Today Juliana invited Jeff and I to come watch her drama performance. The good news is that she invited us. The communication process at her school is less than stellar! Only about 5 parents came to see the performance, out of 40 kids between the music and drama classes. How sad because I know other parents would have liked to have been part of the celebration had they known about it!!

The kids had to write their own scripts, work as a team, memorize their lines and perform in front of an audience. Each skit carried a meaningful message. After the shows, the teacher had them think about their work and performed an after action review, identifying best practices and lessons learned. She made them think about the significance of their work and why it was important. I loved this process! And I loved their responses.

What I learned is that music and the arts are an important part of a child’s learning. I know sometimes they want to cut these programs from school budgets and its a tragedy. The kids were learning to practice, rehearse, be part of an ensemble, perform, and to feel a sense of accomplishment and a sense of pride! They worked on team building skills and learned how important it is for every member to show up and do their best. I loved being a part of the audience and a part of her learning process.

After watching her perform, I headed up to the city for the day. This guy got on the tram next to me smelling like pot and holding a joint in his hand! I think this is legal here!!

Wednesday is now my Wanderlust Day. Every Wednesday I plan to go into Amsterdam and walk around and explore and get lost. I want to figure out how to navigate around the neighborhoods and know how to find my way around. I’m not so good with a map and there is so much to see and learn about in this magnificent city! I met up with my friend Cami and we wandered round Leidseplein and ended up at Blue. This is a great place to see a 360 degree view of the city. I love the wide open feel from high above and there aren’t many places like this. I highly recommend you check it out!

Happy Hump Day!!

22Jan2013

Day 181: Classmates

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There were highlights and low lights today. Both involved learning. Some learning came easy and some came the hard way, where you wish for a rewind button or a do-over!

Let’s just say the morning was rough. I learned what didn’t work trying to get everyone out of the house. There was lots of whining and delay tactics and missing items and complaints strewn everywhere. There was yelling and stress (mostly from me!) and snow to slow us down. And by the time we dropped the kids off, no one was happy and that’s no way to start a day. D you ever have days like this??

I felt sad afterwards, and later decided that just as we won’t go to bed mad, we won’t start the day off mad either. From now on if things aren’t going right, we’ll wait until after school or work to resolve whatever the daily issue is, so that we can better enjoy the day.

So when I picked the kids up from school, I apologized for how the day began and explained why I was frustrated and sad and explained what needed to change. They all agreed, surprisingly. No one likes to stay mad and we usually resolve conflict pretty quickly, thank goodness! What I learned, was that I (still) need to micromanage the details of the morning routine (which I hate), and be a better facilitator. Kids might know what they need to do, but actually doing it in a timely fashion is another story. I practiced my parenting skills by facilitating and guiding and managing expectations for the evening routine, and guess what??? It was such a peaceful night and the house is clean and organized, homework was reviewed and completed, and there was time for reading and play! Why do I forget and want to check out? I think it’s because its exhausting telling people what to do and how to do it and to repeat yourself, but it works! Lets just hope it lasts!

Phew! Now that that lesson is over, the more fun part of my day was going to Dutch class today with my friends and husband! I don’t think we’ve ever taken a class together, except for Lamaze class but that doesn’t really count! It was so much fun learning and practicing together and taking a break to get coffee. Our teacher is really good and the conversational style of learning flys by so quickly! The class is three hours long but when she says its time to go, I don’t even feel like its been that long and I want to keep on going! I hope the feeling lasts!! I really want to learn Dutch and practice every day, especially now that I have this really cute Dutch partner!

21Jan2013

Day 180: The Blessings of Skype and FaceTime

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While I was washing the dishes, I decided to call my mom in California. To my surprise, all my nieces and my dad were at home with her. I was so excited to see all their faces using FaceTime on my phone and then Skype on the bigger computer screen.

Today is Martin Luther King Day, a national holiday in the States, which means the public schools are closed and the reason my parents are with the grand kids. They were talking about going to get chocolate chip donuts and were headed to the park. It looks like a beautiful, sunshine filled day in California! I’m so glad we got to see their view!

We showed them our snow covered yard and told them how we were walking on the frozen canals and were going to make snow ice cream tonight.

We’re also baking chocolate chip cookies for Charlie’s class to celebrate his half birthday, sine he’s a summer birthday child. In Holland, they use baking paper or bakpapier to line their cookie sheets. Always something new to learn while living abroad!

18Jan2013

Day 177: How Long Should One Stay?

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Today I’m wondering about how long is the ideal time to stay in another country as an expat. I’m sure there are several different opinions and I’m curious what people think, and I’m sure the number one answer is:

It depends.

That used to be the best consulting answer at PW and really it depends on several factors and depends on your personal context.

When I think of this question, I think in terms of what’s best for my kids. We chose to move abroad for Jeff’s career and there are benefits for our family as well. Some of the things I wished for when making this choice included, but are not limited to:

1. Giving our children the opportunity to live someplace else besides their home town.
2. Living overseas and exploring and traveling across Europe for more than a vacation week or two.
3. Meeting new people and making new friends from all over the world.
4. Teaching the kids how to adapt by moving and establishing new friendships and routines.
5. Bonding as a family and sharing this crazy experience together.
6. Learning a new language and culture, and consuming large quantities of stroopwafels, hagel slag, and dropjes.
7. Learning by doing and experiencing life, and getting out of our normal routine.
8. Moving away so that we could appreciate all that is/was good back home like the weather, and Costco and Target and the beach and my wife!! Dang, I miss her like heck!!

So how long do I have to stay away to meet my goals (not to mention Jeff’s!)?

When are we “done”?

Most people say a year is too short and that it takes a full year to settle and acclimate.

After a year, you finally get the hang of things and how things work and you start to feel comfortable again. Your new routines are established and friendships grow roots and you start to feel like you belong. So maybe two years is the best answer?

But then why not stay for three and celebrate all that is good? If it takes a year to acclimate, and two to grow roots, maybe you bloom and shine in year three? Maybe three is the lucky, magical number. I can’t see staying longer than three so I’ll stop envisioning there for now, even though I know its possible (for some people.)

Next week we will have been here for 6 months, a half year. We could be half way done if we stay for only a year. But I don’t feel done yet. I do feel quite settled, but I’m not done settling or traveling or experiencing Europe and our family friendships are just beginning to develop. I really like the community I live in and I want to do more with the friends I’ve made. There’s more coffee to be drunk, wine to be tasted and canals to explore. I secretly hope Jeff still has another year to go, however I do know that all the good back home still awaits, so there could be an upside to a 2013 repatriation date, I’m just saying!

I write like I have a say in this. I guess I’m just dreaming of possibilities and travel itineraries and wondering where we’ll be this summer.

Are there any expats or military brats reading this that have an opinion? Did you move around as a child or stay put and have a thought to share? I’d love to hear what you think.

For now, Here I Am – in Holland.

At home, on my couch, with my family, and a blanket over my lap.

Content.

My husband is already asleep in the rocking chair, with jet lag still kicking in.

Oh, and we have 2 house guests from Hamburg’s basketball traveling team staying with us. I better go do their laundry for the games tomorrow.

It’s an exciting Friday night in the Hartley house.

Hope y’all have a good weekend! – Adriana

16Jan2013

Day 175: Beauty in the City and New Drivers Licenses

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It was cold and sunny this morning and the lighting was beautiful. Jeff and I had an appointment with the town hall to turn in our California drivers licenses in exchange for Netherlands licenses. It felt a bit weird handing them over, but that’s what’s required. They want you to do this exchange within 6 months of living here and we’re fast approaching that milestone. How did that happen so fast?

If you’re an expat in the Netherlands, the agency that handles this process is called CBR and the forms can be found on their website: CBR.nl. Once you receive a letter from them, you can schedule an appointment with the town hall. You need to bring the CBR letter they send you with the application information, your passport, drivers license, residency card, and a copy of your 30% ruling, along with a passport photo. And don’t forget your 45€! All went smoothly.

On for the good part…here are some beautiful pictures of the snowscape and sunshine today. I loved the lighting and the colorful, patchwork, scarf covered tree.

The other beautiful things I discovered today were at the Museum of Handbags and Purses in Amsterdam. A few girlfriends got together to explore the museum and to have lunch afterwards. Happy Birthday, to Carolyn!, I hope you enjoy the photos!! My favorite was the Diet Coke Purse, the lucite box bags, and the old Holland school bags(boxes) that used to serve as desks and supply boxes.

15Jan2013

Day 174: My New Canvas

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Jeff came home today after being back in the States for 9 days, and I felt so excited to see him again, like a happy puppy! I had Dutch class today and so he had to take a taxi home from the airport. When I came home from class, he was already home and I felt that giddy feeling when I saw him again. Silly, I know, but its true and I’m still excited to see him after almost 20 years together!

Enough about that!! I wanted to share another excitement. I think today I am writing my 300th blog post. I’ve been writing every day since I started this HereIAm blog. It has become my creative outlet and a hobby I really enjoy. I didn’t know I would discover such pleasure from writing and sharing and connecting and capturing the best moments from my daily life, yet I do. My blog has become like an art canvas, and my words and pictures the colors that fill the page. I typically capture moments with my iPhone which is always with me. At night, I send the pictures to my email account and then create my blog usually from my phone or laptop late at night. Jeff surprised me today and brought me home a new canvas for me to do my work on:

It’s an iPad mini! I can take great pictures with it, and I added the blogging app and my blog to the home screen. All in one, I can take it with me in my purse, and to school and to my comfy bed and create and connect from anyplace. How cool is that? Thank you Jeff, for surprising me and for supporting the arts! I’m thrilled!!

I took my new canvas to the kids’ basketball games and enjoyed setting it up while they weren’t playing and capturing pictures when they were on the court. We were there for several hours!

After dinner tonight, we enjoyed dessert from the States – Chocolate Poptarts!! Yum!! Thank you April for shopping for us!! We were so excited by all the loot! And thanks Jeff, for carrying an extra suitcase with you to fulfill my retail desires!! Life is good!