Piles and Stuff

Posted in Uncategorized by adrianahartley

I didn’t get dressed until 3pm today. Instead I decided to sort and work through the piles and baskets and bags and to clear the dirty surfaces that surround our house. I commiserated about this eternal dilemma while chatting with April about our shared burden. This made me incredibly happy. Not that we were both dealing with similar situations, but that I wasn’t alone in my “misery” and that she understood what I was going through. Ahh, a connection and a shared story makes it so much better. And of course while we were talking on the phone, I was busy sorting and folding and putting away piles of laundry. I’m sure she was doing the same thing at her house too.

I like when everything is in its place, but the troubling thing is that things don’t stay that way for long. Today I got through all the paperwork and bills, washed and folded all the laundry, and even scrubbed the stovetop for at least 20 minutes until it was squeaky clean, one of my least favorite jobs.

I vacuumed and washed the kitchen floor and the house feels peaceful again. I think it’s nice to have one day of the week to have an organized existence even if it only lasts for a few hours and takes a lot of work. It felt like a peaceful place and I lit a vanilla candle to celebrate the calm and order…that’s almost there, just as soon as I put away the laundry that was all sorted and folded!!

How are your piles and surfaces?

20Oct2013

Weekend Simplicity

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I’m practicing the pursuit of happiness. I’ve been practicing this for years and the process changes all the time. This is one of my life goals. That’s what the pursuit really means…to practice being happy, joyful and living a meaningful life, as often as possible. I’m not always happy…that’s not my goal because that’s an unreasonable expectation. Life happens and it’s messy. It’s real. Sh** happens. But we get to choose how we react to the times of sickness, sadness, hurt, ugliness and bad stuff that happens. And hope they leave us as quickly as possible so we can get on with the good stuff. Right?

I’m learning how to deal with the times I feel unhappy in a less emotional way because my goal is to continuously be aware and to adapt and be patient until happiness returns again. I also think you can find peace and grace through the process of unhappiness or depression if you want that. Not in every condition of course, but hopefully there is hope in every situation. In time.

How was your weekend? What made you happy?

I had a great, relaxing weekend. I spent time alone with Charlie yesterday. I went to his soccer game and watched the best game of his season.

We then went to get his hair cut, and out for lunch. He took a friend to spooktacular miniature golfing and I had fun watching them be kids.

I’m fully aware that he’s growing up and I’m busy soaking in all the minutes.

Today I enjoyed time in the kitchen making a family favorite Thai yellow curry and Indian butter chicken. I love the art of cooking. I love the process of creating something for us all to enjoy. I love hearing my family tell me how good the house smells and I love the joy from sharing a family meal. Now if someone else could do the clean up, it would be all good! 🙂

Jeff and I did some furniture shopping together as we are trying to redo our living room. Nothing fancy, just looking for more storage space for our little house. I think we found something we like.

And finally, another highlight from my day was attending a book signing from a very inspirational woman and friend.

Coach Niru was the first professional Indian woman to win a round at the Grand Slam (Australian Open). She became a professional tennis player when there weren’t any girls playing tennis. She was encouraged by her father who was self taught and he helped support her to achieve her dreams. She wrote a book about her journey and her story that I’m excited to read, called The Moonballer, a term that describes a lob play in tennis and describes her modest beginnings. You can find the book on amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0989953904/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1382328523&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70#immersive_view?1382328557409http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0989953904/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1382328523&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70#immersive_view?1382328557409

I love her spirit and the peace and confidence she exudes with her friendly smile. Time to go read!! Congratulations Niru! You must be so proud of yourself and accomplishments. I admire you.

Have a good week, everybody.

I am a triangle and other thoughts on repatriation

I am attempting to reblog this post from Naomi Hattaway. She nailed the description of what it feels like moving back to your home country after having an experience in another country. I feel like a triangle…

18Oct2013

Are You Happy Now?

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I attended the Stanford roundtable discussion about the new science of happiness and well being. Katie Couric was the moderator along with a panel of experts in the fields of psychology, business, neuroscience, and design. I wanted to be up there answering the prompts too! I felt like I had a lot to share and have been living this path for awhile now. Aren’t we all? I wanted to add my two cents and validate the points that were shared, even though I don’t have the credentials (unless you count learning by doing!) My favorite panelist was Jennifer Aaker. I related to almost everything she shared. She is so articulate, beautiful, poised, and intelligent and I just admire the way she communicates and connects her research with reality with a sense of humor. I love her!!

Here is the YouTube webcast of the discussion: happiness roundtable

There were several fascinating points and here are my top 25 favorites.

1. We must always have a goal and an action plan.

2. We have to focus on those things that give our life meaning.

3. We have to be giving and practice kindness.

4. Authenticity is important to our happiness. We have to be true to ourselves.

5. Be present. Live in the current moment.

6. Find harmony in your life between what you think, say and do. Seek balance.

7. Be interested in what you do or change.

8. Life is good. Practice positive thinking and train your brain to focus on the good and your gifts and accomplishments.

9. Good stress is ok.we don’t have to be happy all the time.

10. Have no fear. Fear is the dark side that leads to negativity.

11. Sleep. You must sleep. This should be numbers 1-10 and is critically important. There was an article in the paper about the importance of sleep today too! We need more sleep!!

12. When you’re happy, you’re more creative. Insecurity leads to a lack of creativity. Be happy.

13. Money is important. Once your basic needs are met, focus on spending on experiences and not on stuff. Give. Help others. It makes you happy and makes others happy. It makes you popular too. And if you’re happy you’re more creative.

14. We need genuine social support to feel happy. We need at least two or three sincere social contacts that we can count on. We don’t need 600.

15. Children need to learn to be unhappy and know that it’s ok to not have everything they want. Teach them how to be resilient.

16. The meaning of happiness changes as we age. Adapt. Be aware of the change and redefine yourself. Always.

17. Don’t be so busy. Choose how you want to fill your calendar. Being busy is not a badge of honor. Maintain a sense of control and autonomy over your life.

18. Personal growth is important to lifelong learning and happiness.

19. Appreciate what you have. Be humble. Take help. Give help. Gratitude is important to happiness.

20. Live like you’re dying. Give yourself a life sentence to fully live. Choose how to spend your days as if they were your last.

And if I were able to add my own ideas to the discussion, they would include:

21. Make sure your expectations are in alignment with reality. Don’t expect things and then be disappointed when they don’t go the way you expected. This one is my favorite!

22. Do the work. Do your work. Happiness doesn’t come from being lazy and wishing and wanting. You have to do the work to achieve your goals. You need an action plan.

23. Do the right thing. Choose the harder right. Don’t just do what’s easy.

24. You are important. Love yourself. Your story makes a difference.

25. Let go. Flow with what is. Continue to adapt. Life doesn’t stay static. Be like a river.

Are you happy now? Thank you for reading my blog! I hope you’ve been inspired.

Beauty surrounds us… You just have to see(k) it!

Love,
Adriana

Katie Couric after the show – a bit blurry but up close! :-). She is so cute.

17Oct2013

Letting Go…Growing Up

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It felt like dropping my baby off at kindergarten tonight. Juliana’s on her way to Catalina with 85 friends from junior high school.

The kids are all giddy and the parents are standing by anxiously watching and feeling all the mixed feelings of excitement and joy and fear of letting go and letting them grow up.

They are on their way and we are left behind to watch and admire and wait for their return from their journey and share their stories.

Juliana has the best science teacher who is motivated and excited to share her passion with young ones and is
escorting them, along with several chaperones over night and through the weekend. They’ll drive all night on two busses, arriving in Long Beach bright and early to take a ferry over to Catalina island for some science exploration.

I know she will have fun. She has travelled without us before and loves her independence and time with her friends. She packed herself and is so happy to be going on this adventure. Watching her confidence makes it a bit easier to let go because I know she’s safe and has no fear, but it’s still challenging for me to let go, even though I want to and am. No drama…no fear…letting it go. Letting her go.

You go girl! You’re growing up and I am proud of you. Live it up, sister. xo

16Oct2013

So California

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This picture captures California culture in so many ways. We were shopping at Smart and Final, a store that offers restaurant size supplies to the general public. Everything is big! As part of environmental awareness, they no longer offer bags. You have to bring your own or buy a bag, just as in Holland. We left our bags in the car and decided to just carry our things. The bag in her left hand contains frozen strawberries to make healthy smoothies in our new Vitamix blender. Making healthy food choices is so Californian too!

This car is a classic old fashioned California car. I asked Juliana to stand in front of it to capture an iconic California image. I also liked that she’s wearing a Coca-Cola shirt. So Americana! I loved the trees in the background and the sun light shining through the sky. Today it was almost 80 degrees outside and gorgeous.

I do love California! What do you love about where you live?

15Oct2013

What’s Your Mism?

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Tonight we somehow got on the topic of religion at the dinner table. We were talking about all the different beliefs and what they mean and who believes what and why. Two nights ago we debated and explained politics and whats happening with our government. Did I tell you I have very smart kids? Or should I say thinking kids? They have opinions that are different than mine, they ask lots of questions, and they think for themselves which I love and which also presents interesting conversations.

We talked about how religions are shared based on what family you’re born into and how they believe. Sometimes children choose to follow the same beliefs as their family and sometimes they branch out and choose to believe differently. We also talked about knowledge and philosophies like Buddhism and Taoism and also the belief that there is no higher power. The cool thing is they are not afraid and add greatly to the conversation.

They asked why we believe what we do and questioned whether they had to believe the same way we do. I told them for now we will share our journey together and one day they may choose a different path that works for them. Part of our journey is also exploring and experiencing other faiths and beliefs that are shared with us and those that arouse curiosity in us. We believe in the celebrations of life and enjoy the rituals we are invited to witness even when they are different from ours. We feel like honored guests and respect our loved ones for being who they are and are filled with gratitude when they invite us to join with them as witnesses to their faith journey

I shared that we have chosen one path and one mentor that provides a foundation for our family. I also shared that we believe in one love, one people, and that we are all connected despite any perceived or real differences.

And that’s when Charlie said, “ok, can we be done with all these misms now?” I laughed and we changed the topic of conversation. Enough deep thought for one night. How do you celebrate your mism? :-).

14Oct2013

Halloween Homework Club

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ThIs afternoon I picked up the bike pool (like a carpool but on the bike) from school to bring our friends to our house for homework club.

We had three kids and their heavy backpacks in the front and Charlie on the back with a helmet and me pedaling. I wish I would have had someone take a picture. I felt like a bike taxi or a tuk-tuk, with the kids all giggling and wanting me to go faster and slower.

I had the table set with Halloween plates and cookies and grapes and drinks for when they all arrived.

They sat down at the table for a snack, followed by an hour’s worth of homework, with a few minor interruptions, but for the most part they stayed focused and worked together and independently, asking questions of one another and sharing stories. I loved being a part of their little circle, observing how smart they each are. I was impressed that they still had the discipline to sit still and work after a full day’s worth of school.

Afterwards we all went outside to play and get some sunshine. Aren’t these flowers beautiful?

They had a Nerf gun war, running and chasing and hiding, ducking, and dropping to avoid being hit. They climbed fences and ran around cars and came up with strategies. Kids are so creative and I love arching them interact and be outdoors playing.

They also played with Charlie’s new trash can figures that I don’t understand, but are all the rage in his mind. He bought them with a gift card he received for his birthday from Toys at Us. I’m trying to help him learn the value of a dollar and how to make choices with his money.

I like our neighborhood gang! They are great kids, all with such unique personalities.

Do your kids play in your neighborhood? What do they like to do?

13Oct2013

Living Imperfectly

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This image is from my calendar hanging in my kitchen this month. It says “The real secret to the fabulous life is to live imperfectly with great delight.” The second quote says “the great thing is, once we let go of being everything, we have the opportunity to be gloriously ourselves.” The girl in the picture is holding a list that includes things to do, to be, and to have.

I just love this for so many reasons. I love the colors and textures. I love the art and the quotes. I love the thoughts.

If we let go of expectations and are kind to ourselves and our family, we can live the fabulous life. I love this concept. I’m working on getting enough sleep, limiting over scheduling and exercising most everyday. I’m practicing saying no and being ok with not pleasing everyone. Oh, how liberating despite the initial discomfort. Perfectly imperfectly living in the moment.

Here’s what happened this morning while sitting in my rocking chair, drinking my coffee. Charlie came by to surprise me with a toasted bagel to share, that I wasn’t expecting. Isn’t he sweet?

Today we left the day open with few expectations and the day unfolded beautifully and felt like it lasted forever. Jeff and I went shopping for dinner ingredients. We came home and he smoked some delicious ribs and we enjoyed a quiet family dinner.

Homemade BBQ sauce

And look what Juliana and I had time to bake together.

Magic Bars! My favorite dessert.

I won’t post the picture of my dishwasher filled with liquid soap and filled with thousands of bubbles vs dishwasher detergent. And I won’t tell you who actually did it, but it did provide a bit of unexpected surprises for the day if you know what I mean. We’re still learning by doing, I guess.

How was your day? Mine turned out to be fabulous! I hope you found joy surrounding any imperfections. Have a good week and be gentle with yourself.

Namaste

12Oct2013

Coffee

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What do you look forward to each day? Do you have a routine that makes you happy?

One of my favorite rituals is drinking coffee with Jeff. It’s not just the act of drinking coffee. It goes much deeper than that. I start anticipating the morning cup of Joe the night before. At the end of the day, as I reflect on all that has happened and begin to think and plan for the next day, the thought of coffee together first thing when we wake up makes me happy.

Some nights we grind the beans the night before and set the auto timer on the coffee machine before we go to bed. This way we wake up to the smell of the aroma.

Most mornings Jeff will get out of bed first to make me coffee. I’ll stay where it’s warm and check my phone while the coffee brews. It’s like a little present that I know is coming and I’m excited every time it arrives.

It’s the little things, I swear.

Making me coffee is one way we connect before the show begins. Isn’t everyday a performance? For this little daily moment, shared ritual and token of love, I am thankful.

Oh, I can’t wait for our coffee tomorrow morning! What are you looking forward to doing?