Waiting

I have three kids and a husband that works at a startup. My routine is to not really have a routine. Our traditions are to not really have traditions. And to always expect things to change. I think that’s how it is with multiple kids and a non-traditional job.

I am a stay at home mom and I spend a lot of time waiting. And because I’m waiting, I don’t always want to start something because I know I’ll be interrupted. I’m trying to be better at this, but a lot of times it frustrates me. But I always look for the good and to enjoy the chaotic moments

For example, today I volunteered at our teacher luncheon. I was helping out while I waited to pick up Juliana. I dropped her off and unloaded groceries while I waited to pick up Charlie. I walked to school to wait for Charlie to be done playing.

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This is me enjoying my walking alone moment and listening to my fun Stella & Dot necklace jingle jangle, which made me smile and take a selfie!

When I came home with Charlie, I sat down and had a snack with the kids. I wasn’t quite sure what to do next, so we hung out together. When I tried to read, they tried to talk. When Charlie started his homework, the doorbell rang with friends looking to play. I told them they had to wait too until Charlie was done with his homework.

They wanted to play outside, but I was mean mommy today and wouldn’t let him go out because the air quality people said we should stay indoors because of the fires nearby and chemicals in the air. Charlie learned about fairness and different rules for different families and I got to hear about it and his protests. Lucky me. And so I sat and waited patiently some more while he practiced controlling his body.

When he resumed some level of calm I taught him about life not being fair and things don’t always go as planned and that we have to deal with the loss and make new fun plans. I mean it’s depressing to miss your scheduled winter water ballon fight at 4:30 pm and it’s really hard to understand why when it’s good outside. Just look outside. Just ask him.

He decided he wanted to play with me instead then and that we should paint. He wanted to paint lawn decorations on cardboard. And so we did. We dug around for some cardboard and he sketched his design. Then Juliana and I joined him in painting in the details. We painted while we waited to take Juliana to her appointment and waited for dad to come home, before dinner.

We filled the time and waiting was good and he taught me something too. Not everything has to go as planned and sometimes not having a plan is good too, if you can be comfortable waiting for whatever shows up. Hmm.

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Control

I want to explore this topic as I have a ton of ideas floating in my head about control, but since I’m tired I don’t know if I’ll get them all out tonight.

But I’ll start with this. Do you have any relationships you wish to control? I mean no one really wants to control someone else, because that would be bad. But do you have some relationships where you have expectations about how you want things to go, but they don’t go as planned because the other person has different expectations? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.

I have a couple like this. I have these dreams and a very active imagination and I build up these fantasies in my head that don’t go as I have scripted. Because there are other smart and grown up people involved with their own set of images and dreams and needs and wants. And sometimes we’re in alignment and sometimes we’re in conflict.

So for some reason, sometimes I want to be in charge. I want things to go my way. But they don’t. And I don’t have control and I don’t like that feeling. But I’m working on that every day. To let go and to let things just flow. To let others have their way and to not expect them to do what I had envisioned. So simple, right? But that letting go part is so hard. And so what? The best thing to do is to listen, be understanding, share, adapt, and flow.

I’ll give you a silly example. Juliana was sitting in the back seat of the car, and I opened the door to have her move up to the front. But she closed the door as I was talking to my friend, and didn’t move. So I clicked the automatic door button again and told her she could move up front, but again she closed the door and I was confused. I thought for sure she would want to move up front. But she didn’t want to and had her reasons, which made sense. I felt like I knew better and wanted to control the situation and felt agitated. But why? Because I had envisioned her moving and it didn’t make sense to me why she wouldn’t move the way I imagined. I felt conflict, on a very small scale, but this is what I’m talking about. And this same story plays over again and again. Things don’t go the way I plan. Duh. I want to be less rigid and let go of my feeling of need to control situations, and just flow and trust my loved ones. Usually the outcome is better anyway and everyone is happier.

Having big kids or being in a partnership, people that we love are going to disappoint us, but not intentionally, especially because they love us and typically have good intentions. They just have their own agenda and free will and usually aren’t thinking the way we do. The sooner we let go and flow and move our ego out of the way, the happier we all will be. Am I right?

Here’s my joy face from tonight Good things come when you let go. :-). Namaste.

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Living Imperfectly

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This image is from my calendar hanging in my kitchen this month. It says “The real secret to the fabulous life is to live imperfectly with great delight.” The second quote says “the great thing is, once we let go of being everything, we have the opportunity to be gloriously ourselves.” The girl in the picture is holding a list that includes things to do, to be, and to have.

I just love this for so many reasons. I love the colors and textures. I love the art and the quotes. I love the thoughts.

If we let go of expectations and are kind to ourselves and our family, we can live the fabulous life. I love this concept. I’m working on getting enough sleep, limiting over scheduling and exercising most everyday. I’m practicing saying no and being ok with not pleasing everyone. Oh, how liberating despite the initial discomfort. Perfectly imperfectly living in the moment.

Here’s what happened this morning while sitting in my rocking chair, drinking my coffee. Charlie came by to surprise me with a toasted bagel to share, that I wasn’t expecting. Isn’t he sweet?

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Today we left the day open with few expectations and the day unfolded beautifully and felt like it lasted forever. Jeff and I went shopping for dinner ingredients. We came home and he smoked some delicious ribs and we enjoyed a quiet family dinner.

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And look what Juliana and I had time to bake together.

20131013-220908.jpgMagic Bars! My favorite dessert.

I won’t post the picture of my dishwasher filled with liquid soap and filled with thousands of bubbles vs dishwasher detergent. And I won’t tell you who actually did it, but it did provide a bit of unexpected surprises for the day if you know what I mean. We’re still learning by doing, I guess.

How was your day? Mine turned out to be fabulous! I hope you found joy surrounding any imperfections. Have a good week and be gentle with yourself.

Namaste

Transitions and Surprises

We all go through transitions every day. Nothing stays the same, which is so obvious, but for some reason I think that someday things will be normal, but normal never comes, whatever that may be. And a new normal takes its place, which is normal and to be expected but it’s not! And I think that’s crazy.

Why do we expect things to stay the same or to reach a steady state? That’s probably just stupid thinking, but we do it anyway. And as soon as we think we’re ready to start something new, something else changes that we weren’t expecting. Hopefully one day I’ll stop being surprised.

I shared with my husband that we should expect 5 things to go wrong at home, 4 things to go wrong at work and 7 things to not go as planned with the kids. Don’t ask me where I got these numbers. I just made them up. My point was/is that we always really seem surprised when things didn’t go as expected, so I told him maybe if we changed our expectations and expected things to not go as planned, we’d feel more happy and not so surprised and have less drama. Really what I was sharing with him was what I’m trying to tell and teach myself so that I can flow with whatever comes my way and not feel like I’ve been given such a surprise. That makes sense, right?

So my new normal is to have a plan and then expect it to change and transition and flow with it, whatever it may be and to not feel so surprised or perplexed.

Like tonight. I planned to go to bed early and did all the work to be ready on time, but 3 things went wrong at home that changed my plan, and by wrong I mean differently than I had planned, which is really normal and not wrong, but just kept me up later than expected. Phew… did you follow all that?

I was going to write tonight about my parents leaving and the feelings of saying goodbye and transitioning again, but then the words took over and changed, along with the intent of this post, but I’ll just go with it. My new normal.

What’s your new normal?

Namaste.

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