A moment of silence.
What 9-11 represents is a huge loss, the birth of fear, and a hole of emptiness. It also represents great sadness and our vulnerability to unexpected happenings that change our lives. And through the devastation, we also experienced grace and love, community and strength, hope and charity. The greatest of these is love.
Peace and light.
Namaste.
My parents have been staying with us for 11 days and will be with us for another week. They live 6 hours away from us, and so having them with us for an extended period of time is a gift, and a dance. I call it a dance, because we are learning how to all fit into place and to take care of each other and ourselves while we spend this extended quality time together, while not stepping on each others’ toes.
My mama is so helpful and wants to take care of us. She helps me clean my house, cooks dinner, makes coffee for us to share in the middle of the day, volunteers with me at school, loves on my kids and keeps me company. She also keeps the laundry flowing and put away, and I’m sure I’m forgetting 103 other things. Oh and did I mention she helped me unpack and sort and organize our 73 boxes from Holland?
My pops finds house projects to do to help us out and to keep busy. Our screen door that kept falling off the tracks now glides so easily thanks to some candle wax and a clean track. The sliding door is now easy to slide open too. The workbench has been cleared off and all tool related stuff has been organized too. Today my dad built me a paddle board cart so I can easily carry my board from my car to the water without having to carry them over my shoulder.
He helps my kids with their math homework and is teaching them discipline, helping to raise them to be responsible and intelligent. It takes a village. He also walks Charlie to school and has dropped off and picked up the other two too. He also helps with the dishes after dinner, and washed my dirty car. Tomorrow he is going to take Charlie to his soccer practice and the kids out to dinner, while my mom and I go to a meeting. How lucky am I?
I am thankful they are here and that they are able to share their love and gifts with us. It makes me aware how important family is and how so many of us, especially as Expats or living in Silicon Valley, are not living closely to our extended family. We miss out on this family connection and village support that helps us to raise our kids and share our lives and learn and grow together. I don’t think there is a real substitute for this, especially when your family is functional. I am going to miss them when they leave. But for now I’m going to sit and enjoy them a little longer.
Hugs and thanks mom and dad, for sharing your lives, time and love with us!
Charlie wants to write my blog tonight, as he was full of ideas today and I was more on the let’s just sit around and relax kind of day idea.
Charlie wanted to go for a night walk tonight after dinner, so my mom and I decided to make his day and take him out by himself. What a gift. We discovered the slim sliver of the crescent moon and the shining planet Venus right next to it. They were both shining so brightly. Charlie was telling us about the LADEE Launch that was televised at Moffett Field this weekend and how they are going to learn more about moon dust. I love how curious he is and am loving watching him grow up, although I don’t like seeing how tall he is! I want him to stay little and he’s almost as tall as my mama. He’s about a head+ shorter than she is, and he looks so big now! I don’t want to really think about my baby growing up but I saw it and heard it tonight during our walk and talk.
I asked him what I should write about and told him how I write a story every day and wondered if he had any good topics for me. That’s when he said he wanted to write today. I hope I can inspire a writer and encourage his learning every day.
Here is his story.
I played with my friends today and went swimming and did a nerf gun battle. I also went to watch a baseball game. Before we went to the baseball game, we went to 7 11 to get sunflower seeds. They were BBQ flavored. I also got a slurpee that basically exploded. We watched some of the baseball game but we mostly played catch or a game called pickle. I helped in the snack shack a little bit and got some candy. Then we went to my friend’s cousin’s house to pick up his sister . Then I went home and ate dinner. We shared a lot of funny family stories . Then I went for a walk with my mom and my oma . Then I watched some football and wrote this blog. Have a nice week. ps here is a joke
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
answer is at the bottom
A: An Investigator
Thank you Charlie for being my guest writer tonight! I love you and your story. xo
Tonight began our tailgating and football season with an 8 pm game at Stanford vs. San Jose State University.
We all love this tradition we started about 4 years ago and were glad to be kicking off the season again after our year away. In a way, I feel like we are camping with half the amount of work and stuff, and no uncomfortable sleeping arrangements.
April and I plan a menu, shop together and help prepare dinner for our family and friends. The boys bring a portable Weber barbecue and we set up bar height tables and chairs and set out a spread of delicious food and drinks. The kids like to draw and make signs for the game and toss the football around the parking lot and get all dusty before the game.
Tonight we had tri-tip on torta rolls, coleslaw, watermelon, strawberries, cucumbers, broccoli salad, and cilantro shrimp. We also had several appetizers to share and munch while relaxing with good friends before the game as well as several desserts!
It was an especially warm night and we didn’t need any sweatshirts until the end of the night. The game was excellent and it was great to be in the stands again.
One highlight of the game was seeing Ms. Maehara in the crowd. She is a teacher from our school who has taught all our kids and is one of the most passionate teachers I’ve ever met. Tonight at half time they honored educators who graduated from Stanford, and she came and brought our kids with her out onto the field with her. What a treat!! I think they all enjoyed the experience and we’re thankful for our amazing and dedicated teacher.
We also loved watching the Stanford band and the new female drum major, dressed as Dorothy from Wizard Of Oz, with Toto on her baton that she waived through the air as she lead the band through the night.
It’s a late night but was so much fun. Stanford beat San Jose 34-13. I’m glad we got to share it with my parents, Leland and his family and April and Steve and their family too.
Hope you have a great rest of the weekend!!
xo
Today I felt anxiety and I didn’t know why. I felt frustrated and angry and like I didn’t know how to make a decision. It didn’t make sense to me, but I knew I didn’t feel good at all.
I decided to go meet Julie at the TRX class because my new goal is to get strong and fit and this class supposedly will kick my a double s. On the way to the gym, I just started to cry. I felt such a longing to be back in Holland and not where I was at that moment.
I didn’t know why exactly I was crying, but it was a big release. And as I cried I realized this was one of those moments of accepting what is and being aware of the hidden feelings I wasn’t acknowledging out loud and now they were coming out wet. Ahhh…. Social media is a great thing to help keep us connected, and this week I was feeling the sense of loss as and change and adapting and resettling and chaos and being fat all at once! That’s a lot to carry! Not really, but it was my instability at that moment and its ok and it’s real.
I miss my girlfriends in Holland. I miss seeing everyone in the cafeteria. I missed the dance party in Vondel Park. I miss chatting with Barbara and doing yoga with Jen and biking with Patti Beth and sleepovers with Joseine’s kids, and meeting up for ice cream with Jen and Carolyn and Patty and holding Amy’s baby and waiting for the bus with Lauren and Karina and Jen and PB and on and on and on. And I miss the white swans in my canal, and I realized that when Christine acknowledged the differences in pelicans and swans and feeling out of place when she commented on my picture on Facebook. That was the trigger, along with the pictures and status updates from my friends in Amsterdam.
Christine acknowledged what I wasn’t saying. She was aware of my sense of loss and place and belonging to two worlds now and that it is ok. I’m just adapting and today was a struggle. She saw that I accept the beauty and gifts that surround me now but that doesn’t negate that I feel a bit lost in the transition.
Lenka also helped me feel and acknowledge this yesterday when I ran into her at Costco. Se said I’ll probably feel this way for a long time and that I might always feel a sense of loss. I think she might be right and that’s ok too. I am so thankful for the experience and it has changed me. I just don’t know how to process all the changes just yet. In time I will. I’m just in it right now. And when you’re in the process of change, you have to keep looking forward and dream new dreams. Like getting fit!
So I wiped off my tears and accepted a hug from Julie who also understands what it is like to be from two places and went on with my butt kicking TRX class followed by a good stretching and balancing and breathing yoga class.
And all was well again. I felt strong and balanced and relaxed and ready to go again and ready to feel and be alive and happy in this moment, despite the chaos and uncertainty. I chatted with my sister on the way home and made a lunch and shopping date with my mama who is still in town. I am thankful for the gift of time with her, right here, right now.
Namaste.
Downtown Mountain View with my Mama.
The best part of being home again is being outside and seeing my friends. I’m still not settled being back home after a month+ and long to be back in Holland.
This morning I played tennis with friends for a couple hours in the glorious sunshine. I loved having time with the girls and exercising outdoors at the same time.
And this afternoon I sat on the grass during Charlie’s soccer practice, just feeling thankful.
Life is full. Life is good!
Namaste.
The busyness of life continues.
Luckily, I was able to take a break and bring my parents to Shoreline for a long walk in the sunshine along the San Francisco Bay today. The weather was so warm and comfortable and reminds me how much I love California.
This is a great place to be outdoors, despite the stinky smells from the bay and nearby landfill/dump.
There are several walking trails with people out bird watching, walking, running, skating, painting, and participating in water sports.
.
We couldn’t have asked for better weather. We spent a good hour walking and then stopped at the Lakeshore cafe for lunch out on the patio overlooking the lake.
Life is good, especially when you take the time to slow down and enjoy it. How was your day?
Our electricity has been out all evening. A large tree limb broke and fell into the power lines 9 houses away from ours. Luckily my phone still has 64% power left and I’m able to publish my blog tonight.
We were going to have lasagna for dinner to celebrate my dad’s birthday, but the oven wouldn’t work without electricity. Luckily we have a gas stove, and even though the igniter switch wouldn’t work, matches were successful and we were able to boil water to make spaghetti instead to go with my mom’s famous sauce.
Juliana set the table so nicely and we ate by candlelight. I kinda liked not having power. We sat around the table longer and roasted and toasted my dad with our favorite memories and stories of his life these past 65+ years!
We enjoyed strawberry rhubarb pie and ice cream for dessert and waited for the electricity to return, which was expected an hour ago but still no luck.
I’m happy we were able to just flow with the unexpected outage tonight and make the best of things. And it really makes me appreciate the gifts of electricity that we take for granted.
Happy birthday, Pops!
Namaste.
Today is Labor Day and the unofficial end of summer. The weather was so strange with warm, humid weather, grey skies this morning and rain on and off. I felt like I was still in Holland!
I wasn’t afraid of the rain drops today, like I used to be. No longer did I worry about getting a little bit wet. I do like this mind shift.
We had planned to get up early and head to the beach, but the weather wasn’t great and we still had a lot of work to do unpacking and settling. We still managed to smoke some ribs and had a late BBQ. The night sky light was absolutely beautiful.
Fall is almost here.
Labor night rain.
The first Labor Day was celebrated on a Tuesday, September 5th, 1882 in New York City. It is now celebrated on the first Monday in September and most people have the day off from work.
We celebrated early today by working in the morning, unpacking box after box and catching up with laundry, load after load. After lunch, we headed outdoors for some entertainment at the Stanford Soccer Stadium, watching a Men’s soccer game with my parents.
The weather was warm and not too hot, with a slight breeze, making it a perfect day.
The kids enjoyed traditional stadium snacks including popcorn, ice cream, and French fries with catsup and not mayonnaise.
Look how this kid eats his popcorn. Oh, to be a kid!!
The game was so exciting and we had front row, general admission seats. Too bad Stanford lost to Georgetown, 0-2 but we had a good time, nevertheless.
Afterwards, we headed to Downtown Mountain View for our favorite Thai food and ambiance and to celebrate my day’s birthday this week. Dinner was fabulous and we left content and satiated. We decided to stroll a bit to walk off our dinner.
We ran into our friends and enjoyed chatting for probably longer than we spent eating dinner. This is one of the things I love about being back home and helps me to feel more settled. I love the weather, being in my neighborhood, and running into friends.
Life is good. I hope you’re relaxing and enjoying a long, holiday weekend in America or in spirit wherever you are.
Namaste.
here i am 