psychology | here i am

I used to (and still do) love watching reality TV and talk shows. I used to watch The Real World, when it was on MTV way back in 1992. I liked watching The Real Housewives of the various cities, Survivor, Big Brother, The Bachelor, Kate Plus Eight, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Sister Wives, The View, Oprah, And most recently Bethenny.

I love people watching and hearing their stories. I’m curious about how people choose to live and interact and just be. I find everyone fascinating and I love the little glimpses into other peoples’ lives and seeing how they cope with life challenges and daily events. I love psychology and am always curious. I am especially curious about people who are different than me, whether their differences stem from race, ethnicity, religion, interests, careers, family, and or political beliefs. I love learning how people are raised to believe what they do and I try to find similarities and connections that lie between us.

I used to watch a fair amount of TV, until around 2007 when I discovered Facebook. Then my attention moved away from the reality of those I didn’t know to the reality and good life stories of my family and friends. These were and are 100% more exciting to me. I like that people tend to share the best of their lives in this open, semi-private online forum. I find it very entertaining and addictive, as there is always something new to discover and I don’t want to miss a thing. Instagram and Twitter feed my curiosity even more. I like knowing what people do and experience and how their lives are similar or different to mine.

I’ve always shared stories on Facebook and love being connected to friends and family near and far. I think of Facebook as a repository of the highlights from my years. When I first began sharing, I used to think a morbid thought, that if I died my kids would have a scrapbook from the highlights of our life, organized and laid out in a chronological order. That’s still true, but I don’t think of it like that anymore.

Last year I decided to open up my life and share my reality and lifestyle with my Here I Am blog. It began as a way to document our journey as we moved overseas for a year and to share our story with family and friends. As I wrote every day, I discovered joy in the process or writing and sharing and reading comments from readers. I found a connection that I wasn’t expecting and I loved it.

People have asked me to continue writing and tell me that I bring joy to their lives, and that I make them think about their own life. Friends have shared that they look forward to receiving my daily updates either right before they go to bed or first thing in the morning if I write too late. Who knew that writing and sharing and knowing that people liked what I had to say would bring me joy? Thank you for this gift. I like knowing that I have followers and hope that I continue to inspire you.

Writing each day is like a daily meditation. It’s a way to practice living in the moment and being present and thankful for whatever life brings my way. Thank you for encouraging me to continue sharing my life story and creating a little pop of reality “tv” for you. I’m glad you’re here with me, sharing the journey. We’re all connected…I read something today that said something like when it rains, it rains the same on all of us, whether we are good or bad, rich or poor, we all get wet. We’re all the same, despite our differences. I like that. Namaste.

Charlie was home sick today so our plans changed. Instead of school and tennis, we got to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie together. Then Charlie’s friends from Amsterdam called him from Istanbul and Colorado via FaceTime, as they are on vacation this week. Technology is great!!

I attended the Stanford roundtable discussion about the new science of happiness and well being. Katie Couric was the moderator along with a panel of experts in the fields of psychology, business, neuroscience, and design. I wanted to be up there answering the prompts too! I felt like I had a lot to share and have been living this path for awhile now. Aren’t we all? I wanted to add my two cents and validate the points that were shared, even though I don’t have the credentials (unless you count learning by doing!) My favorite panelist was Jennifer Aaker. I related to almost everything she shared. She is so articulate, beautiful, poised, and intelligent and I just admire the way she communicates and connects her research with reality with a sense of humor. I love her!!

Here is the YouTube webcast of the discussion: happiness roundtable

There were several fascinating points and here are my top 25 favorites.

1. We must always have a goal and an action plan.

2. We have to focus on those things that give our life meaning.

3. We have to be giving and practice kindness.

4. Authenticity is important to our happiness. We have to be true to ourselves.

5. Be present. Live in the current moment.

6. Find harmony in your life between what you think, say and do. Seek balance.

7. Be interested in what you do or change.

8. Life is good. Practice positive thinking and train your brain to focus on the good and your gifts and accomplishments.

9. Good stress is ok.we don’t have to be happy all the time.

10. Have no fear. Fear is the dark side that leads to negativity.

11. Sleep. You must sleep. This should be numbers 1-10 and is critically important. There was an article in the paper about the importance of sleep today too! We need more sleep!!

12. When you’re happy, you’re more creative. Insecurity leads to a lack of creativity. Be happy.

13. Money is important. Once your basic needs are met, focus on spending on experiences and not on stuff. Give. Help others. It makes you happy and makes others happy. It makes you popular too. And if you’re happy you’re more creative.

14. We need genuine social support to feel happy. We need at least two or three sincere social contacts that we can count on. We don’t need 600.

15. Children need to learn to be unhappy and know that it’s ok to not have everything they want. Teach them how to be resilient.

16. The meaning of happiness changes as we age. Adapt. Be aware of the change and redefine yourself. Always.

17. Don’t be so busy. Choose how you want to fill your calendar. Being busy is not a badge of honor. Maintain a sense of control and autonomy over your life.

18. Personal growth is important to lifelong learning and happiness.

19. Appreciate what you have. Be humble. Take help. Give help. Gratitude is important to happiness.

20. Live like you’re dying. Give yourself a life sentence to fully live. Choose how to spend your days as if they were your last.

And if I were able to add my own ideas to the discussion, they would include:

21. Make sure your expectations are in alignment with reality. Don’t expect things and then be disappointed when they don’t go the way you expected. This one is my favorite!

22. Do the work. Do your work. Happiness doesn’t come from being lazy and wishing and wanting. You have to do the work to achieve your goals. You need an action plan.

23. Do the right thing. Choose the harder right. Don’t just do what’s easy.

24. You are important. Love yourself. Your story makes a difference.

25. Let go. Flow with what is. Continue to adapt. Life doesn’t stay static. Be like a river.

Are you happy now? Thank you for reading my blog! I hope you’ve been inspired.

Beauty surrounds us… You just have to see(k) it!