Teetering

I tend to share the ups on the teeter-totter of life. 

I thought I’d share a teetering moment as I try to find my balance again. 

I am transitioning from a stay at home mom to a part time working mom and I don’t have it quite figured out yet. 

I am trying to let go of some of the expectations from my previous path  as I journey on down this new road and it’s a bit bumpy, as I want to do it all. 

I think there is always chaos in the transition and once I master the steps, it’ll seem easy again. But right now I feel the stress and it’s ok, it just is and I have two pimples on my face as proof. 

I’ve decided my priorities are:

1. My family. I want to cook and to pick kids up from school and drive them where they need to go. I want to be present when they are home and be able to listen and share stories together while we can.

  
2. Exercise. I have to exercise for my sanity. It’s a requirement that’s not negotiable and I keep forgetting this. Today I remembered and it felt so good, especially on a Monday.

  
3. My work. I’m excited about my new job and creating something new and being part of a great team. I like using my brain and like that I’m actually making money again, after 15 years of volunteering.

4. My clean house. I need order and chaos under control in my outer environment to maintain my inner sanity. This is teetering today but I’ll get it back in order before I go to bed. 

5. My girlfriends. I need them. They are my emotional support and I love sharing our stories together. 

6. My volunteer commitments. I still love giving back to my community and this one is a little bit harder now. Today I let go of one of my commitments and it did not feel good. I can’t continue in the role I had and work too, at least not right now. I’m ok with the decision now, but in the moment I struggled.

7. My writing. I’m still enjoying this outlet and love that so many of you find a connection with me and share your ideas and comments. I may try writing at different times of the day and maybe skipping a day or two, to let go of the pressure and expectation to produce new content daily. We’ll see. I’m not ready to change this process just yet, but I don’t want to teeter too long. 

I like balance, amidst the yin and the yang.

How about you? Are you feeling centered or are you teetering too?  Are there things you need to change and burdens you need to let go to find your core again?  Change is good. Embrace it and enjoy the ride.

  
xoxo thanks for reading xoxo

Keeping Up

I’m up late. Most nights I stay up late and probably should go to bed earlier, yet I don’t. And somehow I still let things fall through the cracks. Tonight I caught up yet I still am not quite keeping up and it’s late. It just is.

I don’t always respond to all requests and questions via social media. Does email count as social media?  I think so. Sometimes I just forget or don’t have all the information to give the best response and as I’m gathering information, the next 43 emails pile on top and I forget to go back. Squirrel!

Most times I have good intentions to reply favorably or regretfully and yet sometimes I just don’t at all. And then I remember when I’m driving somewhere and I’m practicing not looking at my phone AT ALL and then by the time I get to where I’m going, I forget again. Please tell me you have a better system and you’ve figured out this little dilemma and will share your secret with the world.

I do keep lists and use google task list on my calendar to write tasks down for later when I’m sitting at my actual computer. I also write things down on scraps of paper and then put the tasks into my computer or in my Notes on my phone. And then I have to remember to take the time to look at my task list or my notes before forgetting again.

Can you relate?

I’m still practicing keeping up with my life and getting to bed early. Is that an oxymoron? Maybe that’s just the yin and yang thing again dancing in my head.

Good night. It’s almost Friday!! YAY!!

The Power of Nothing

I was happy to do nothing today.

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Doing nothing is quite powerful. Having quiet space to do absolutely nothing felt exciting to me.

I didn’t make any plans except to get a pedicure right before the kids got out of school.  I wanted the day to unfold without an agenda except to get the house back in order and without rushing or being interrupted every five minutes.

It felt so good to read the paper this morning and to shop online. I had four hours to do nothing and I filled them up with joy and structure and organization.

After I had my hours of solitude, I was ready for the chaos to return. This is how I always feel. I want a break from the routine and then I want my routine back.

I was happy that the kids were back at school and then I wanted them home again with me. Sooo ironic! That yin and yang thing is every where I go!

I love this balanced life!

xoxo

Goodbye, Hello

My friends Yin and Yang were with me all day today.

First thing this morning, we reluctantly said goodbye to Charlie as he loaded the bus to go on his overnight adventure to science camp. He was excited and nervous and so were we. I am hoping he has a great experience and I’m sure he will be ok.

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Then early this afternoon, we anxiously awaited the arrival of our Japanese student and were so happy to finally meet her when she arrived.

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It’s been a day filled with mixed emotions.

I am happy and tired.

Charlie, I miss you.

Akie, I am glad you are here and hope you enjoy your time in California with our family.

Namaste.

Challenged

This is one of those yin and yang moments.

Sometimes a challenge is a good thing.

Other times it’s painful.

Sometimes a challenge is exciting.

Other times it’s scary.

Some challenges we fail.

Other times we conquer.

Some challenges make us feel happy.

Other ones make us incredibly sad.

Some times we know what steps we need to take.

Other times we are lost.

Either way, I think it depends on the power of our mind to succeed and it takes time – whether good or bad.

Success might look like mastery and it might look like acceptance.

I think both types of challenges require hope and strength and focus and work and discipline.

I think both types of challenges require us to keep breathing and moving forward, unless your challenge was to be still.

I wish you well with whatever challenges you are facing.

Be well, BeLoveRs.

Goodnight.

Love vs Hate

I choose Love.

I celebrate Love every day.

I am sickened and saddened to my core by the hatred that (I don’t even want to mention their name here) a group of barbaric, uncivilized creatures could hurt another human being with such torture. It reminds me of the days of Hitler and how a group of people, if we were to call them that, could bring such harm to others in such inhumane ways. This is not just and I don’t understand.

I know that there is a yin to my yang, but this is hard core and hard to believe.

Sending Love to Muadh al-Kasasbeh’s family and wishing you peace.

Namaste.

True Life – The Ideal and the Real

I love you.  That’s the ideal and that’s for real.

I share ideas on living in the moment that tend to idolize the ideal. But let’s be real. Life is not always as pretty as our posts on Facebook or other social media outlets, even if that’s what we dream and desire. Life is messy and complicated. It’s that yin and yang thing again.

Even when I share the moments of love and joy and happiness, there are the moments behind the scenes that aren’t shared. I like to call that the messy part – the drama – the not to be seen on TV moments. We all have them. And we share what we want people to see, what we want to be our real. I think this is a good thing in a way, in that we’re trying to create the lives we really want to be living.  The tricky part comes when people see the ideal and forget that there are real people behind the pictures and think that other people’s lives are more perfect than their own.

None of us are perfect. I think the reason why we don’t share those parts, is because we all have those and they just aren’t as glamorous or praiseworthy, and heck, we might even get embarrassed.  But those messy parts are what make up the good parts and are necessary.

I believe that life is a practice and a journey and even though I have these ideas and try to practice them, I fail. I am perfectly imperfect and I’m ok. So are you.

In between the I Love Yous, are my tantrums – my moments of raising my voice and impatience, where I lose my ideal in my real anger and frustration, when I’m trying to regain control. I hate it when that happens, but that’s true life. Just sayin’

In between my moments of celebrating my kids and enjoying them, I’m frustrated by their messes and talking back and all the other things kids do.  I just tend to share the good, because that’s what we do. But my kids are kids and they do kid things that bother all parents. I just choose to not focus what I share, there, but it’s there!!

Our minds are powerful. We can create our reality based on what we think about and how we think. If you think that my life is better than yours, you’re right. If you think that you have a great life, you’re right. If you think that I’m full of it, you’re right. If you like what I share, you’re right.  Our mind creates our reality or at least our attitude about our reality and that is powerful stuff.  I like to see the good because that’s what I want for me and for you and for your sister and for your daughter and your mama too.

Let’s just keep it real. We are human. We don’t do life perfectly, but we try and practice every day and we need to be gentle with ourselves, our partners, our kids, our leaders, and within our community.  We get to do do-overs and we get new beginnings and hopefully every day we get a little braver and a little stronger and little wiser and we apply what we learn. Hopefully we get better at creating and living the life we dream and become our best selves, and when we mess up, we don’t take ourselves too seriously and forgive and forget and start again.  And once we learn to do this for ourselves, we can forgive others too.

Ok, that’s all for now. Love you. Love me. Love us. xo

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First Day of School at 3 Different Schools

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I love the first day of school. I love the excitement and thrill that comes from change. I love back to school shopping and picking out new papers and pens and notebooks and clothes. I think I love the sense of newness and wonder and magic associated with starting over, anticipating what is to come. For the kids, they’re excited to find out who their teachers will be and what friends will be in their classes and who they will meet. It’s a bit scary not knowing and so there is a bit of anxiety as they begin again… just enough discomfort to help them keep their eyes open widely and observe and soak up all the newness. I absolutely love it and think they do too. We’ll see.

I loved getting up early and taking the kids to their new schools and helping them find their way, although they didn’t really need me. I just needed to be there a little bit.

Juliana was the first one to drop off at 7:20 am. She stood in line at the middle school quad outside and got her new schedule, and locker assignment. She shared it with me and found her friends, and off Jeff and I went. At lunch time, she texted me to tell me everything was great. And after school, she said how happy she was and excited to return tomorrow. That’s always good news.

Christian was next to drop off at high school!! WTH! That scares me. He’s not ready, I mean I’m not ready for high school. He’s more than ready. I dropped him off, even though he wasn’t sure where the quad was and he found a friend and together they went off to discover where to get their schedules and to settle into high school life. Just like that. His last four years in school are beginning and I’m fully aware of how fast four years goes by. He came home and was missing the ISA, wishing he was still there instead of here. I hope the newness turns into more comfort over the next few day and he finds his new rhythm. I’m sure he will. He did have several good stories to share.

After dropping off Christian, we dropped off the car at home to walk Charlie to elementary school. We anxiously waited at the corner for Jessie and Sydney to walk together. I had a minute to FaceTime with Jen in Amsterdam, and she shared well wishes for Charlie’s first day. That was really cool, especially for me, since I’m still “house” sick for Holland and missing my friends there. 😉 Thanks, Jen!!

Once we began the familiar walk down the street and to the elementary school, I started to feel at home again.

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It felt right. It felt exciting to be walking and watching and observing our routine, back in step again. I was so happy bringing him back where he wanted to be, like we were giving him a gift. I was excited walking into his classroom, the same classroom and teacher that both Christian and Juliana had before him with one of the best teachers around. I felt comforted and at peace and he was beyond thrilled and happy to be there too, especially with Sydney and Dylan and Thomas in his class. And at our family dinner tonight, he said he couldn’t wait to go back to school again tomorrow. Music to my ears. Don’t we all want our kids to find peace and happiness?

I Am Home.

I Am where we belong.

I Am (almost) content.

Actually, I was happy to drop them off and get them settled and actually had coffee with a friend.

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We then volunteered at the Junior High School for an hour, and then I did some grocery shopping. But then I felt so sad that they were gone. I wanted them back, noisy and chaotic and all. It’s kind of like when they were babies and I just wanted a break from them, and once I had an hour or two to myself and my thoughts, I was good to go and wanted them back again. The same feeling came over me today.

Yin and Yang.

The good thing that came from that feeling, was that I got the house back in somewhat order before they came home, and went to Trader Joe’s to pick up their favorite orange chicken for dinner tonight and I was well prepared and rested for their return. When I went back to pick them up, I was excited to see them and hear their stories and to love on them again. The joy was back.

And with that, we’re back. Back in school. Back to starting new routines. And ready for the world!

Hope y’all had a great day! I wish you well.

Namaste.

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