Their Mothers

We celebrated our friend today, who is preparing to give life to a newborn son in a few weeks. She was glowing with joy and anticipation, thinking about what to name him and getting his nursery ready for his arrival.  We were so happy to see her and to share her excitement and to shower her with gifts and love and friendship.

Although we were celebrating new life, my mind kept wandering to Paris and the shock and loss of life and terror that has risen again over night. I kept thinking of the men who chose to end their own lives by blowing themselves up and wondered about their mothers and their childhoods. Who are these children that grew up to think that death was the way of life? How did they come to choose this path? I don’t understand, from a mother’s viewpoint. I don’t understand hate.

One mother raised three suspected terrorists. Seriously? Can you imagine being a mother who raised three evil beings? How does she live with herself and what led her children to darkness? I would be horrified.  I don’t understand this will. I don’t understand this life choice. I don’t understand. And I don’t necessarily blame the mothers for their children’s behaviors, but I do wonder how she would explain having raised 3 suicidal terrorists and want to know what she thought led them in this direction.

Life is a mystery.

Wishing you peace, mamas. Love your babies well and be well.


11-17-15 – After I shared this curiosity and couldn’t find any story about the mothers, one showed up.  Here is a link to the heartbreaking article about how their children abandoned them to join a cult. The title is Mothers Of Isis and can be found on if the link doesn’t work.

Mothers of Isis

Day 219: March 1st

It’s the beginning of a new month, and March just sounds warmer, like spring is almost here and winter is almost over. The skies are still very grey and heavy in Holland, so I know I have to wait patiently. I’ll wait. What else would I do?

Which brings me to my thoughts of gratitude today, and being present and living in the moment.

When I walked outside this morning, I noticed these cute little flowers peeking out from under the bush. A sign of spring, I think… and Christina’s birthday. Happy bday CB!

I’m focused on seeing and finding joy right now, to fight back my sad feelings of being homesick since April and Steve left last week. When they left, I realized how much I miss our old life, or our other life, which is still part of our current life, but is so far away, and now is a bit complicated. I found myself longing to be back there playing outdoor tennis and hiking with Michele and Julie, and having coffee with the girls, and PEO, and yada yada yada. Longing for my previous routines and relationships while living and experiencing and building new routines and friendships here is/was confusing to me. While being a bit sad, I’m also so thankful and love living abroad. I am enjoying all our crazy adventures and adaptions. It’s just that yin and yang thing again and feeling balanced and unbalanced. Normal right? Especially for a Gemini.

Friends here ask how long we will live here and friends back home ask when we’ll come back home, and that makes me feel somewhat unsure of where I belong. I’m sure this is normal for expats, especially for those who plan to return one day but don’t know for sure when that one day will be. I think the best answer to everyone, is it depends and I’m not 100% sure, and then to go on living where I am and seizing the day, not worrying about the when. Isn’t that what being present is all about? Easier said than done, but it’s my truth.

So enough of my pity party – it’s over. I just like to share this side to keep things real and hopefully to relate with others who might be experiencing similar feelings.

The best part of my day today was holding a brand new baby and sharing time with her mama and a friend and a 2 year old little boy. Talking about being in the moment – I so loved holding her that I didn’t want to put her down! I loved watching her stretch, and peek open her eyes, and to listen to the little squeak sounds she made. I just wanted to soak her up and stare at her for hours. It was so peaceful just being with her and watching her every move. I was in the moment, and felt so lucky that I got to hold this newest little angel.

Life is truly good.