Day 7 – Juliana Home from Japan

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I am thankful that our baby girl returned home safely from Japan today.

We were up until 2am our time, texting back and forth until her plane departed from Tokyo. I finally felt like I could rest but I was too anxious and kept waking up every couple of hours, wondering if she was okay and if her plane was still safe.

I was thankful when her texts returned this morning letting me know she was almost on the ground and when she finally landed. We were all at the airport waiting and anticipating her arrival, along with her friends and classmates. The feeling of homecoming was overwhelming and exciting. At the same time, I felt connected to my sister cousin and felt her pain knowing that her son was not coming home. It’s hard to feel complete joy now when I am aware of such pain. Yin and yang. We are all connected. As I was sharing her pain, she was sharing my joy. This is surreal to me. It’s our shared journey and reality. It’s real and makes me especially appreciate life and all that is good, despite all that is bad, every day.

I am thankful for this one life and plan to continue living it up each day, celebrating and feeling and connecting and sharing and loving, good times and bad.

nAMaste BeLoveRs and welcome home Juliana.

15Apr2015

Day 3 of Break

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hello BeLoveRs

I just love that word – how simple would the world be if we were happy just BEing? We could just BE Love in all its forms. We could BE Lovers of life, of ourselves and of others and of whatever we love. There’s the simple secret all wrapped into this pretty little made up word. I don’t think it’s a real word, is it? But now it is to me and you.

Today I was happy just sitting outside doing nothing. I ate a late lunch out on the sunny back patio, all by myself. I talked to my sister about her nursing applications and was so happy that she was happy and on her way. I am proud of her.

Soon Charlie came outside to be with me. We moved to the couch and just sat together for probably an hour with nothing to do and just enjoyed being. We laughed and sang made up songs and texted Juliana, exchanging pictures between what we were doing in the USA and what she was doing in Japan.

He worked on putting baseball stickers all over his new toothbrush and he told me I’m the best mama and that he loves me. What more do I need?

I’ve learned that when you slow down and create space, really good things can happen.

Finally on Day 3, I am happy that we are home for spring break. I enjoyed shopping with Charlie this morning and bringing Christian to his appointments and meeting Jeff for dinner in Mountain View and family FaceTiming with Juliana.

These are the days that make up the simple life. These are the days that represent just being and going with the flow and create peace. These are our days. Here I am.

nAMaste. Enjoy your days.

9Apr2015

Lost

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So we took our baby girl to the airport today and did the whole group photos, lots of kisses and hugs and sharing thoughts and don’t forgets and call me or text and all that good stuff.

We wished her well and stood anxiously waiting behind the black wall, watching her go through security until we couldn’t see her anymore. And then we left. No tears, actually! I was proud of myself. Maybe I worked through the anxiety yesterday and was ready and prepared today. Maybe.

I am happy for her.

I am proud of her.

I am okay.

What made me sad and anxious was realizing that I’ve done my job and that she’s flying away. Not literally, as in flying to Japan, but she’s flying the nest. She’s got the hang of this life thing and she’s confident, strong, independent, courageous and curious and kind. She’s everything I’ve always wanted her to be. And she’s still young. I wasn’t expecting this to all come together like this, right here, right now. And so it is.

I came home from the airport and just sat still. I didn’t know what to do with myself. There was nothing I wanted to do and everything I could do and yet I did nothing. I ate some leftovers, not because I was really hungry, but because food is my anti-anxiety drug of choice. I looked at Facebook and created a FrameMagic collage and posted an update from the moments just passed. I practiced using SnapChat and chatted with Juliana while she waited another 2 hours before her plane departed.

I sat and waited with her yet in my living room. She asked me what I was doing and I told her I was waiting with her. She asked if I was going to sit still for 11 hours too, the same time she would be sitting for the duration of her flight. I told her no way, that wasn’t possible and she laughed. She also told me she was only going to be gone for 240 hours and asked if I was going to sit and wait for her too, and I said absolutely not. 240 hours sounds a lot shorter than 10 days. She made me laugh.

Kristin invited me over for a visit and I was thankful that she got me out of the house. I needed to do something and I enjoyed her company and conversation. I continued texting Juliana until her flight took off. It was fun to stay connected and I’m anxiously awaiting her next text around midnight tonight, letting me know she landed. All is well.

I called my mom this afternoon, and the first thing she said to me was, “So, do you feel lost?” And I said, “Yes!! That’s exactly how I feel. How did you know? I didn’t even know that was what I was feeling, but yes. I feel lost.” She said that’s how she felt when I left to go to Australia when I was 12 years old!! I so get her. She is one brilliant woman. I am so glad she was brave enough to let me go. She shaped my spirit for adventure and wanderlust and I have now shared this with my kids.

I’m okay feeling a little lost.

This is real and it’s normal and she’s fine and I’m fine. I am vulnerable and just a little lost – like I don’t know what to do with her not here and not having to pick her up or make her lunch or make her gluten-free dinners or take her here nor there. She’s okay and I’m okay – it’s just different and we’re growing up. Both of us.

Laurie called today to check on me and several friends and family texted to see how I was feeling and to wish Juliana well. I am grateful, especially to Laurie who could see me and my anxiety and reached out, despite her own feelings of loss. How did she do that? I am in awe of her, always. She’s one strong woman who I admire so much.

The sisterhood of motherhood is strong in my village.

I don’t feel so lost anymore. I can’t wait to hear all the stories about adventures in Japan! Have fun, baby girl and live it up!!

Carry on, BeLoveRs!!

nAMaste sisters!

13Mar2015

Choices

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I love my family so much. I also love my friends, as if they were my family especially since my extended family does not live close to me and this makes me very sad. I love to share this life journey together and they are so far away, which makes it hard to have a cup of coffee together or show up for dinner unexpectedly or hike or do whatever. I love to go to my nieces’ soccer games and plays and school functions and want to be there for the major events too. Instead I have to text them, call or Facetime, or send pictures and just miss out. This is how it is. I get it. And since they can’t be with me as much as I would like, I have chosen to adopt friends, as my local, bonus family. This makes me really happy and makes life good right where I am. Do you do this or are you lucky enough to have family close by? This would be a bonus dream come true. Does anyone in my family want to move close to me?? Pretty please?

While I wait to see my family, I am enjoying and loving my friends and especially my adopted daughter, Akie. We have 2 more nights left with her before she goes back home. The one thing she asked to see in California was the Cheesecake Factory, while she was here. Tonight was her lucky night. She enjoyed the experience very much, and we enjoyed sharing this with her. She picked the pasta carbonara with shrimp for dinner, and the 30th anniversary chocolate cheesecake for dessert. She was amazed by the portion sizes, compared to Japan. Some of her Japanese friends were also there tonight and it was nice for them to be able to speak in their native language and share stories. I am so happy that she is having a good time and enjoying all that is here for her to experience.

She fits in so well with our family. This morning when I was alone in the car with her before dropping her off at school, she said to me that she wished she could stay in California. I smiled (and cried) and said, “Me too.” Me too.

Namaste.

12Mar2015

Community Connections and Friendship

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Today was filled with love.

I started the day with a special breakfast at Charlie’s school, called Moments with Moms. It was my last one as Charlie is graduating this year, so it was extra special. I loved sitting with him and his friends and mine, soaking it all in and enjoying every minute and all the kids and moms and teachers and principal.

I love our school and our international community and my baby boy. I was filled with joy.

After breakfast and doing a few chores, I went to meet my volleyball girls out on the grass for some outdoor volleyball fun. I hadn’t been out for over a month, since I’ve been fighting pain in my neck and back. I received an “internal memo” from our team captain, who always makes us laugh with her spirit and creativity. She pretends that we are an official team and sends out weekly reminders of upcoming events and helps to coordinate our schedules and encourages us to get outside and play. I adore her! Here is what her memo stated:

Internal Memo To: A. Hartley

From: WBVC Management

Regarding: The Hartley Shuffle aka Happy Dance

Dear Ms. Hartley,

Please be reminded that according to your contractual agreement with the WBVC you will need to ensure that you

fulfill your 2015 public appearance schedule and perform your signature move “the Hartley Shuffle”

aka “Happy Dance”(listed per your, “Publicity Branding”) as specified in the language found in paragraph 4, addendum 23.8.

We are currently renegotiating our sub leases and incentives with our DVD sponsorship and we need to ensure that “the Hartley Shuffle” will be performed during the high season. Therefore,you will need to rehab your shoulder in short order and provide a timetable for your future appearances.

For your reference note that as per the contract, “Player will cooperate with the news media, and will participate upon request in reasonable activities to promote the Club and the League.”

The Top 7 Sports Signature Moves:

1.) Colin Kaepernick’s “Bicep Kiss”

2.) Dennis Rodman’s “Jersey Toss”

3.) Jason Kidd “Blows a Kiss”

4.) The Bash Brothers’ “Forearm Smash”

5.) Deion Sanders’ “Prime Time Dance”

6.) Lebron James’ “Powder Toss”

7.) Adriana Hartley’s “the Hartley Shuffle”

Thank you,

The WBVC Management

The shortened version of this memo from M and others reads, where is Adriana and how did that happy dance go? We need

the happy dance back to which management was requested to send a memo asap. BTW All members reading said memo should attend all practices weekly as your schedule permits.

It was soooo good to be out on the field again with my friends, playing in the sunshine, sharing stories and catching up while working out with my girls. I was nervous at first to play again, and was on the injured list, which gave me a few privileges, such as extra serves. After about an hour or so, I warmed up and the pain was less. I was so happy that N encouraged me to come out and play again, as this made me very happy.

The rest of the day was filled with catching up with laundry and work, before getting ready for the potluck dinner with our Japanese students and host families back at school. Every family brought something to share, which made for a fabulous dinner. We made bagel pizza bites and the girls made gluten free chocolate frosted cupcakes.

The Japanese students provided entertainment that made me very happy.

My favorite part of the night was watching. The kids perform. The Japanese kids practiced their English, acting as the MCs and directing the agenda for the evening. I loved the boys group dancing, the drama scene, the group song, and most especially watching Akie perform a solo ballet performance to my favorite Frozen tune, “Let it Go.”

She was absolutely stunning and beautiful and graceful. I was so proud of her (as my daughter!) I left from filming, saying to my friends, “that’s my girl!!.” They giggled.

Seeing and feeling the appreciation and gratitude and love between the students, the schools, and the families made my day.

This is truly a remarkable experience and I recommend hosting a foreign exchange student in your house, if you have the means. We are all loving her and sharing in this journey, creating connections and friendships that we would never have had otherwise.

I am thankful!!

10Mar2015

My New “Daughter”

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I feel like I have another child, in a good way.

Akie has become part of our family now. She is comfortable asking for what she wants and shares in our activities. She is loving and kind and polite and I adore her.

Today when I picked my girls up from school (I always wanted Juliana to have a sister!), they both wanted to go to a birthday party for their Japanese friend at the park.

We have a google group between the parents of host families and I had read about the party invitation from the host mom this morning. She was bringing chocolate cake and drinks and all were invited to attend. I was happy for our family to be part of the celebration and so we brought a gift and some food to share and off we went. I love kids of all ages. I especially loved walking up to the park and seeing small Japanese children under the age of 5, playing with and teasing our students. At first, I wondered if they were siblings of one of the host families. I quickly realized that there were young, Japanese moms playing with their little kids at the park, and the little kids made a connection with our “real” Japanese teenagers. There was a natural connection for them and the little kids and big kids were all playing and having fun together, chasing and tagging and running around together. I loved this moment and realized that there is a natural comfort in the familiar that we all share.

We sang “Happy Birthday” and the birthday girl blew out her candles. I hope she enjoyed celebrating with us today as much as we did celebrating with her.

After the birthday party, I dropped off Charlie at his practice and brought the girls to Daiso, so that Akie could compare the Daiso in Cupertino to the Daiso in Japan. They were both relatively the same, of course. We also drove by the Apple Headquarters campus that is being built and tried to use English words to describe headquarters. What words would you use? I think she understood.

Tonight I decided I didn’t want to cook and clean again, especially because we had a very busy day. I hosted a tea party for several friends this morning and had been busy all day, with no time to cook. We decided to go out for American fast food at Taco Bell, instead of eating left overs. She picked what looked good from the picture menu displayed and we ordered a couple other things for her to try. She really liked her steak burrito and the nachos. She tried the mild sauce and it was pretty spicy for her. This is why we chose Taco Bell over Chipotle, because she doesn’t care for spicy food. It was fun to see Taco Bell through the eyes of someone new. Even the girl working behind the counter was intrigued by our new “daughter.”

The girl behind the counter came over to my side of the counter to ask me a question. She wanted to know if she could give Akie a hug, because she had never met a Japanese girl before and she was so curious and happy to see her. I told her that in Japan, there isn’t a lot of hugging and kissing and that this would be uncomfortable for her. Having a stranger ask for a hug would be weird in any culture, but I could tell that she genuinely was wanting to see her and connect with her. As we ate, I told Akie about the strange request. As we left the establishment, I introduced Akie to the girl and they bowed to one another. This was a really cool moment. I wish you could have seen it. Love sees no color.

Today was busy and rewarding. I learned a lot again, even in Taco Bell.

How was your day?