I Am Tired

I try to call my mama every day. I just love hearing her voice and her stories and lately I’ve been calling her from the little spaces in between here and there and where I need to be next. She typically asks me how I’m doing, and I usually say, something like all is well, I’m good, and I’m tired. She reflected back to me that I always say I’m tired, and asked, “Why is that?”

I told her,  “It’s because I’m really tired.”

She asked me, “Why are you always tired?”

I said, “Because I don’t sleep well anymore and typically stay up later than I should and am awake earlier than my alarm clock, which means I’m typically getting 5 to maybe 7 hours of sleep per night.”

My mind is always busy and that’s not necessarily a good thing nor something to brag about.

Granted, I do love to be busy but probably not like this, and yet this isn’t a complaint either. It just is the state of being right now, in my little world, with three kids in three competitive sports, and youth group activities, homework, a new job for me, an exciting and cool startup for Jeff, as well as my volunteer commitments and community building and exercising, and lots of time back and forth coordinating ride shares and driving my little lovelies from here to there.

My life is good and all is well and busy and I’m tired.  Luckily I wasn’t too tired to see the beautiful sky show tonight with shades of pinks and bright oranges cutting through the blue sky while driving across town.

Now, I just have to figure out how to be less tired. Do you know how? I am learning to regretfully say no and not to over commit, yet the days are still so long and full. Another thing to learn and practice. How do you practice slowing down in the midst of the rush that you really actually love and enjoy? Life is so interesting and tiring and wonderful.

I’m off to bed before the clock strikes midnight… goodnight and sleep well and please do share your thoughts.


What Do You Notice?

What we pay attention to, we create.

If we’re in a good mood, we tend to notice good things and over look things that stand in the way of our happiness.

If we say we’re tired, we’re tired.

But what happens when we’re tired, and instead we say to ourselves that we’re not tired? What happens?  Maybe we don’t pay attention to the feelings of being tired and keep on going anyway. That’s what I do. I’m not tired.  Until my body shuts down and tells me I’m tired, then I believe it. Then I notice. But most of the time I refuse to give in to tiredness and keep going, enjoying all that life has to share.  It’s a state of mind.

I believe in the power of the mind to create our reality, which is why I focus on sharing positive thoughts and happiness every day. I want to be happy and I want to create it for myself, for my family, my friends and my community.

Usually, I can stay in a positive state of mind, but sometimes I lose it. I don’t like myself very much when I give up and succumb to the negative feelings and let them take over.  But that’s reality too. I know. I just don’t like it.

Tonight I was tired. I was also sick and up 4 times last night, so I know I was really tired. My body told me so. But I wasn’t paying attention and was very snappish tonight. I didn’t like that I lost my patience and got angry with one of my kids. It’s normal and real, I know, but I prefer the other side of me, much more when I can stay present and focused on the bigger picture of raising great, independent kids, patiently, and not overreacting to their childish behavior. Duh. They’re kids.  I know. But I was tired. I noticed how much they were bugging me and paid attention there and reacted accordingly. *big sigh*

Some days are just like that. Even in Australia.

Luckily feelings are fleeting and we noticed we were both tired and snappish and said our sorries so that we could go on living and loving and laughing again.  Ahhh… luckily that didn’t take too long.

And so it was.  And so it is. Perfectly imperfect.

Hope you noticed more good than bad today and lived your happily ever after. Today.  Namaste and good night.

Head in the Clouds

Today I’m thankful that I still have a kid who likes to play in the park.  Because of him, I sat outside on a bench before the sun set and enjoyed watching the clouds go by.

Sounds silly, but I enjoyed this moment and was thankful that we were there.

I loved watching him run around and climb up the play structures and jump off the slide with his friend.  They were carefree, just playing and running and chasing each other. Luckily I looked up from my phone and magazine to catch these moments before it was time to go.

I’m trying to slow down and do less and today was just the right balance.

I got to clean my house, play tennis and volunteer all before my kids came home. Once they came home, I actually enjoyed driving them to their appointments and making dinner with Jeff and sitting down to a family taco dinner and discussion over candle light.

As I slow down and do less, my kids are wanting to play more. I find this intriguing. Because they see me sitting, they want to come and sit on top of me and want all of my attention. I’ve been fighting this and then wonder why I’m fighting it.  I think by the end of the day I’m tired and am mentally worn out. It’s not that I don’t want to play with them, but I feel like I’m a dog and they’re little kids getting up in my face and I just want to snap.  How wrong is that? I know it and realize it and fought against it and then gave in.  Instead of biting them, I laughed and played and kissed their faces all over the place, so thankful that they wanted to be a part of me and celebrated our togetherness. I’m letting go of my expectation to sit quietly at the end of the day so that I can continue to enjoy the gifts they bring to my life.  I am thankful and tired.  Thank you to all the mamas who remind me to enjoy these moments because they go by so fast. I appreciate your wisdom.

And with that, I wish you a good night.  May all dreams come true.