Letting go can be a beautiful process.
Creating space by letting go of the old to enjoy the new.
Namaste BeLoveRs.
Letting Go
Category Archives: fear
Whatever Will Be Will Be
It’s been a week, no months, of pushing and watching and questioning and wondering and flexing and letting go and accepting what is to be and flowing with it.
On Thursday, it began. Christian, my high school senior, came home early from school for our lunch date, but I had a work meeting. He went and picked up lunch for us and while I was working, he decided he was going to finally work on his college applications. I’ve been pushing and questioning and wondering and exploring and asking him to own this process since the beginning of summer. He decided that he wanted to go to community college and didn’t want to go through the college app process, and that he was happy with staying local. I accept my kids’ choices and yet I always push them to the edge and maybe over their comfort zone and I question their motivation and intention. I am okay with their decisions and I want to be sure they think through the costs and benefits and risks, every step they take. I ask the hard questions, set up challenges, and then give them space to own their decisions and the path they choose to take.
Well, on Thursday he decided he was going to apply to the University of Iowa and he decided he was going to fill out the application that day. While I was wrapping up work, he requested that I push my computer aside so that I could look over his online application on his laptop. Let me just say I was surprised and curious and supportive and perplexed and thankful and scared. I helped validate the form and gave my credit card number to pay for the application fee, all while wondering where did this come from? I was proud that he (finally) decided to begin the process before the almost deadline. We clicked send and then I wondered, “what if?”
Flash forward to today, when I was busy working again to put money away for the kids’ college fund, when I received a text:
And just like that, our thoughts have shifted and the opportunity is in front of us and we are thankful and curious and shocked and excited for the possibilities. Who knows what will come next, but for now I am thankful for the journey and know that whatever will be will be…and I am proud of Christian and wish him well as he navigates this next stage. Congratulations!! Be still my heart.
Observing
The rain came and it was a perfect day to nestle inside. I was thankful for the rain and for choosing to slow down and to let the day unfold.
I was looking through recipes in the family room and heard Charlie playing on his drums. I came to his room and invited myself in to listen and observe, which I normally don’t do. I’m usually telling him to close his door and complaining that it’s too loud.
He smiled and I think he enjoyed my company, even though he was confused when I told him I was excited for his performance. He asked, “what performance?” Obviously, because he was just playing to play. I was joking, but I was happy to just sit and watch him play, and to be present in this moment with him, with no expectations. He had his headphones on and no one was telling him to be quiet or to close his door and we all let him play freely. He played and jammed and I smiled.
Soon Juliana came in to listen as well. She say me enjoying him and she soon wanted to play too. My little cutie let her in and tried to teach her a little rhythm and my heart was full.
I noticed how much fun they were having and it made me want to play too, even though I have no rhythm at all and was a little fearful to even try. He told me which drum to hit on which count and then praised my drumming attempt. We switched spots and it was really cool!
I was laughing my head off and Charlie grabbed my phone to take videos.
This was a fun, morning, pajama jam session! Thank you Charlie for sharing your passion with us. You made my day.
How was your day? What moment did you really enjoy? Hope you have a good week. xo
Day 60: Summer
My eyes are red. I was going to post a picture but it was too freaky. They are red because I am over tired, but not because I was crying or sad. I am writing earlier than usual tonight and plan to go to sleep earlier too, to clear the red out, I hope.
People are starting to go back to school, which means summer is almost over. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but probably feeling a bit of the yin and yang. Has it really been 60 days already? I think I’m ready for another change again?!?
My sister was supposed to come visit today but she was sick and had to postpone her trip. This does make me sad as I was looking forward to her company and hope she feels better. We were hoping for one last hurrah before the structured days set in again. Now we will have to wait.
How was your day? Did things go as planned or did you have to adapt too?
Wishing you peace, wherever you are! xoxo Adriana
Day 55: Summer
here I am, happily taking the back seat.
With her dad in the front seat by her side, I was definitely the back seat driver and had a hard time keeping my mouth shut.
Today was another new moment and I could see my baby girl growing up and doing things her way.
While we were out teaching her to drive, Charie cooked dinner for us after I started the rice in the rice cooker. We came home and all enjoyed a delicious dinner out on the patio togetherZ
When I forget whether I enjoyed this summer Staycation at the end of summer, remind me of this moment, and the time and space we shared slowing down and enjoying whatever came our way.
Life is good.
xo
Day 54: Summer
Bad Moms!!!
This was us pretending to be the stars of the movie in the poster behind us.
We laughed so hard and saw ourselves in the women on the screen.
The moral of the story is we all have our struggles, we’re all doing our best and we love our kids no matter what. We are perfectly imperfect and we have each others’ backs.
One Love.
Carry on, warrior mamas! We are all amazing! Just don’t expect me to ever be your PTA president. 🙂
xo
Day 46: Summer
It’s almost August. I think it starts next week. Oh my goodness. It does. That means school starts up again 3 weeks from tomorrow, which seems like a long time but it’s not really! We have residency verification dates and photo dates and school schedule pick up dates and pirate camp and life guarding and driving lessons and homework to still squeeze in before we are done. It feels like summer is almost over and that gives me anxiety! I feel like it just begun and I’m finally getting the hang of it. I’m a little slow at this adapting thing, and once I finally feel comfortable, it’s gonna be time to create a new schedule again and to change again.
Hopefully I’ll be ready, but right now I’m already feeling the end of summer blues.
How do you handle change? Do you flow? Do you get anxiety? Is it no big thing? I am curious.
Here’s to slowing down and enjoying the last few weeks of summer! I plan to go paddle boarding and to get to the beach before it’s over. What will you do with your summer days?
Day 37: Summer
This month we have been bombarded with hateful acts, instilling fear and sadness and awareness.
I use social media to highlight the good everyday, despite the chaos and conflict and negativity.
I choose love. One love. Are you with me? I am with you.
nAMaste
Day 7: Summer
I’m already exhausted!
It’s been a challenging week and I am over it, or at least the week is over and that makes me very happy. That’s how I roll …deep breaths and surrender and flow.
It’s the simple things these days that make me happy, like ice cream cake the day after my birthday!
thank you juliana!
I fell asleep in the middle of writing this blog. I must be tired, so I’ll say goodnight and wish you well before I fall asleep again.
Good night.
Lockdown
“we’re in lockdown”
These are not words you want to receive from your daughter and son.
“i’m scared”
Me too.
The lockdown didn’t last long. Just long enough for adrenaline to rush through my veins and to leave me shaken again. Vulnerable. Afraid. Helpless. Nervous. Scared. Angry.
“we’re on the ground”
Stay calm. Breathe. Do what they tell you and cooperate. Fight if you have to.
What the hell are these words?
I hated this afternoon. I hated the feelings that some teenager walking with a toy gun created for our family, our friends and our community.
Luckily they were freed and everyone was safe and physically unharmed. Emotionally, I still don’t feel good, even though the situation didn’t last very long. I felt helpless and mad that my kids had to experience this fear and had to lie on the ground without knowing if they were safe or not, while I helplessly waited for their homecoming.
When they came home, I cried and hugged them and cleared my schedule. I was thankful that the local police had the situation under control immediately and the kids were freed to come home to their worried mama, who was texting and calling and searching for answers while I anxiously waited.
When they came home, we all sat on the couch and watched Gilmore Girls on Netflix. We didn’t stress about dinner or homework. Afterwards, Juliana and I went to relax and got pedicures together, on a Monday at dinner time, instead. This made me happy.
Hug your kids and loved ones and enjoy the shared moments.
nAMaste BeLoveRs. Carry on. All is well.
here i am 
