Are you good at asking for what you want?
Maybe you want a raise. Maybe you want some thing. And maybe you want time to spend with some one. Or maybe you need help.
Are you afraid to ask? Are you able to ask freely and do you get what you need?
I am afraid to ask.
I don’t like to ask for help.
I don’t like to ask for things.
I don’t like to ask for attention.
But I need help. I need things. And I need to spend time with my friends and loved ones.
For some reason, I struggle with asking and feel vulnerable. I also don’t want to inconvenience others, but I need others. Why is it so hard to ask?
Sometimes my needs are greater than other days and instead of asking, I beat around the bush. I hint. I suggest. Or I demand, which isn’t so nice. Sometimes I’m indirect or act like a martyr or even expect others to read my mind. Not proud, but true. I am still learning and practicing.
Last weekend, I wanted my husband to pay attention to me. I wanted him to want to do something with me, besides driving the kids to sports or cleaning up the house. I wanted him to want me more than I particularly wanted anything and I didn’t care what we did. I just wanted the BIG A. Attention. I hate when I get like that. It’s not like he doesn’t want to give me A, he just isn’t always reading my mind or thinking the same thing as I am. Confusing, right? I know.
So I blew it. I wasn’t nice and I couldn’t come up with a sweet suggestion, like, “Hey, do you want to go for a walk together?” or “Hey, do you think you might like to go for a drive, or shopping for a new couch today?” That would be asking, and I don’t feel comfortable asking for attention. Instead, it came out all wrong. It came out as an attack, like, “WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO DO ANYTHING WITH ME??” and I think he thought I was crazy. He was probably right. But of course I thought he was wrong. My entire delivery was wrong, and I messed up things and caused a big argument. And arguments are not the kind of attention or connection I crave.
It took me a little while to figure it out. Struggles are like that when you’re in them. I realized if I had just asked, he probably would have obliged. I didn’t want to ask. I wanted him to ask, but that wasn’t even on his mind and wasn’t what he needed. Why did I expect him to want the same things I wanted? If I had listened to what he wanted to do, I might have been more open-minded. But I wasn’t. I decided to practice this life moment the hard way. I don’t recommend it. 😉
Luckily I have a great, life partner, who actually gets me, just not always in the moment. Heck, I don’t always understand my self in those moments either. I was able to calm down and apologize and he was able to tell me I should probably ask a little differently and reminded me how much he loved me. And all was well in the world again. I’m still learning… how to ask. Gosh, I thought this would be easy by now! 🙂