It’s been killing me to not write tonight. I gave myself permission not to, which is all I needed. I felt free!! And my spark came back.
I was feeling sad today about giving up my creative outlet. I made a really nice dinner and thought my cooking was my creative outlet and I enjoyed being in the moment chopping green beans and slicing flank steak across the grain for the stir fry I was preparing. I felt joy in taking the time to cook for my family and hoped they would appreciate my gift, which they all did.
But the real gift came when sitting with Juliana, eating dinner just the two of us before our evening events.
I told her about my blog post last night and she was shocked and told me that she thought I was making a bad choice. She reminded me about how much I love writing and how it’s been the consistent thing I do every day and how it’s been the common thread since before we moved to Amsterdam. She reminded me that it’s my “nAMaste at the end of the day” and it’s my mindfulness practice and time to reflect. That girl makes me think and my mind is open to her opinion, even when hers is different than mine. Although, she just brought out the truth I was hiding. She was right.
As we sat and chatted together, Zuma came and parked herself on my lap. This is the cat that doesn’t want to be held and does her own thing and doesn’t want to be bothered. Yet last night and today, she came and sat on me and made me sit still. I wanted to move and do work, yet I stayed and listened to her too. When I tried to take her picture, she hid in my lap and made me smile.
And tonight when I thought I wasn’t going to write, I saw Cassie’s story circles post on Facebook. She does the same thing that I do every night, except she reflects on her day through art and she does it every night after the house quiets down. It’s her ritual, just like mine. She shows up and takes time for herself, being creative and doing what she loves, even when she’s tired.
So Juliana and Cassie, thank you for inspiring me to keep writing. I’m not ready to stop tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not. Just knowing that I have the freedom to not write on any given night is a gift. Isn’t it weird how we make up our own rules and change them? I’ll leave you with that thought…
nAMaste at the end of the day.