Think of someone who bugs you. Think about what this person does that irritates you. Then think about how what you don’t like in that person is probably something you don’t like in yourself. Isn’t that a weird twist? But really, try it. It’s the craziest thing.
I tried it on my run today. I thought about how Charlie has been bugging me all week and how irritated I’ve been. I kept telling him that’s he’s harassing me and to leave me alone and to stop nagging me all day. Then, today I decided to think about what motivates him to act the way he does and why does it bug me so much, and then I figured it out.
He asks me questions incessantly because he wants to know what to expect and he wants control over his young life. He doesn’t have all the answers and he wants structure and wants to look ahead and wants his needs met and his needs are different than my needs at any given moment. He needs me to fit into his world and not the other way around. We have been clashing and he’s been BUGGING me.
Instead of being bugged today, I decided to listen more patiently and to provide more clear answers. I finally realized that he needs to know what to expect and he’s very uncomfortable not knowing what’s coming next and I get to hear about it every minute. Well, at least it feels like every minute.
Today I practiced giving him more concrete answers. I gave him structure. I gave him boundaries. I gave him expectations. And he was content. Miraculously, he stopped bugging me. Well, at least until the next need popped up, but I didn’t overreact (as much) the next time and the next time.
I realized that I am a lot like him. I like to know what to expect and I like to plan and to fill my day. Huh. What I don’t like him doing, is the same thing that I do. Strange. That was an interesting experiment. I wonder if I can get credit for that assignment.
Okay, your turn. Who bugs you and why? Do you have the same traits somewhere hidden? Hmm…. such a curiosity!!
Good luck and I wish you peace with all who are bugging you!!