Anxiety

Juliana leaves tomorrow morning for Japan without me. She’s going with 14 other kids and 2 chaperones for 10 days.  It’s part of a school sponsored trip and I am so happy for her. 

  

Yet I am filled with anxiety and my body is doing weird things like dancing, cooking, shopping and nesting and more cooking. I even learned how to smoke a tritip on the Traeger!  I am proud and it was delicious and gobbled up with the homemade chimichurri sauce.  

   

   

I wanted to make the perfect dinner before her send off and wanted to be in her room right next to her and started dancing and had to go shopping at the mall to find the ONE pair of shoes she really “needed” to go to Japan and be comfortable. This is WEIRD! I know I’m acting a bit crazy and know I’m filled with anxiety and everything is okay, I just am. 

 I am happy for her and know she will have an excellent experience and be safe and all that good stuff, but the FEAR keeps settling in. I’m trying to make it go away with rational thought, yet I keep dancing and moving and shaking.  Argh!!!  This too shall pass.  

32 years ago I was the little girl getting ready to go to Australia with my soccer team and this was before Internet, wireless phones and texting! My mama was so brave letting me go. I’ll have to kiss her again the next time I see her and thank her for letting me go. She’s pretty amazing!

  

I am smart and conflicted and stuck in this middle place, waiting and anticipating her departure and return back to the mama nest. Hurry up already and go and learn and grow and come back to me. Please? 

This is the coolest kid ever. She has packed herself and doesn’t really need me, yet I keep finding things to share or advice to give just so I can feel a part of the process. 

  

She’s pretty rad in letting me in and knowing that I’m struggling and is just the cutest thing ever. Maybe it helps her to not be afraid because she’s too worried about me. Ha! This is a good strategy!!

I don’t get why I’m so worried. She’s already an international traveler and has been away from me multiple times, even with her own passport. 

She’s good at this independence and travel thing and I’m confident in her abilities to navigate the globe.  I think it’s partially because of my unfamiliarity with Japan and not being able to recognize the characters and language, that I feel lost and helpless should I have to go there to help her. Probably 99% irrational fear, and 1% real and I’m letting that little itty bitty percent take over my body.  It’s time to namaste that s*#T!!

Okay, fine. I’ll let it go and take all my own advice and be in the moment and let it go. Just breathe.  AAAAAHhhhhhhhhhh 

Okay. Almost better.

How do you handle anxiety?

I wish you peace and wish Juliana a safe and wildly fun experience in Japan. Can’t wait to hear your story. I love you baby girl!!

xoxo  nAMaste

4 thoughts on “Anxiety

  1. All of the feelings you have are in the moment … I love this.. Mama love..I had the EXACT same emotions when Meg went to Japan. You are letting her fly and spread her wings… What a wonderful gift you are giving her. And she will give you a detailed play by play of a most amazing journey. Feel proud of her and proud of you for opening a new door to many more adventures.
    By the way, I too, hug my mama when I can for letting me go to Australia on an exchange 31 years ago. She was probably scared and a little uncertain, but she gave me courage,and I love her for letting me take the leap..❤️ You rock Adriana…

    • Thanks, Pat!! I am sure she will have a wonderful time. She recognizes many characters from her Chinese practice and has learned a few words. Luckily, she is not intimidated nor scared. I’m sure she’ll do great! I miss her already!!

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