I was and am sad today. I am still dealing with neck/shoulder/back pain and I am not liking it. I am accepting it and am aware that I am aging and I don’t like this reflection of reality, even though I get it.

Instant gratification is not an option. I understand that healing takes time and patience and I have to wait. Ok. I surrender. I just don’t like it.

When I don’t like something, I get quiet. I take time to reflect and feel it and sit with the uncomfortable feeling. I know this won’t last forever, that feelings are fleeting, but even knowing so, I still feel sad, and I stay quiet.

I quietly folded the laundry and did chores after my physical therapy appointment. Dinner was already ready, as ML and I cooked earlier in the week together, so all I had to do was wait for everyone to get home and heat things up.

This created space and time. I was looking forward to sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee and reading this afternoon, since I had “nothing” to do. Whenever I get quiet, it’s like the kids just know something is wrong and they want to be right with me and in my space.

They want to comfort me and want my attention. It’s like they have a 6th sense. My kids are usually busy too, doing their own things.

But when I get quiet and less busy, suddenly they aren’t busy anymore and they become attached. First I get frustrated by this, and then I surrender and all is good. We laugh and play and just enjoy each others’ company.

They love me and I love them and they want my happy spirit to come back. I surrender. Love wins. It always does. Goodbye, pain. I’ve got more lovin’ to do.