Oh my gosh… I had such anxiety today. I am going on vacation tomorrow and leaving everyone behind. This created such anxiety for me and I wish it didn’t. I am so excited to go away and yet I’m scared to leave and feel guilty, which is so stupid. I don’t believe in all this fear and worry, yet it swept over my body even when I was telling it to disappear. It was just there. Hello anxiety. I don’t like you.
So I went to yoga first thing this morning to let go of the stress and felt great the whole time, even after I left the class. I went shopping to gather all the groceries for the week, and drinks for the baseball game tomorrow, because I’m the team mom and won’t be there. And then the anxiety creeped in. I want to go but I don’t want to leave my kids and family. All of a sudden, it took over and I found myself making dinner for everyone and stuff for lunch for the rest of the week for my gluten free child, in case no one would know what to make for her. I felt like I had to provide for everyone, have all the laundry done, and the house clean and in order before I leave, heck before I even packed!!
I was definitely nesting. That’s the feeling you get before you have your first baby, where you want to have all the comforts and food ready to go. April came to the door to visit, unexpectedly, and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was nesting as I was sweating over a hot stove, not sure why I had 5 pans going at the same time, when it was a 100 degrees outside and there was a fundraiser dinner for the school tonight too that we could have gone to instead. I never cook like that. I made hard boiled eggs, gluten free pasta, brown rice, regular pasta, pasta jambalaya and steamed artichokes. Something is really wrong with me! At least I was aware — that’s usually half the problem, right? I was laughing at myself.
I had all the laundry done and folded, even the mismatched sock basket, while cooking and washing dishes and chatting with April and Val, who also showed up. I laughed that two of my friends came by to visit today, who I haven’t seen in awhile and just enjoyed their company, instead of worrying and continuing to pack. I know I was being irrational and I actually really loved having the distraction, even though I knew I was procrastinating and still had to pack. Yin and yang. Living in the moment. That’s what it looks like.
After they left, I was out of time and it was time to go and pick up the kids and run to an orthodontist appointment. And since it was 100+ degrees outside and the ice cream shop was right next door, of course we had to stop in and enjoy the moment. There was still time to pack. At least dinner was already ready to go. 😉
I came home and finished packing – ta da!! Just in time to finish cleaning before my parents arrived. They came to town to take my place while I’m gone. I’m so, so thankful and lucky because they are so capable and willing and loving and helpful and my kids and husband love them. I had lists written out with all the schedules for the next few days and I shared the details with them after dinner. Man, when you see your life in writing, it’s crazy to see all the logistics. No wonder I feel anxious. I have to let go of my responsibilities and it feels so weird.
But I’m good now. All is well. My parents arrived and Jeff came home from work and we all shared a nice dinner together. The kids are in bed and I leave first thing in the morning. I haven’t decided if I will write over the next 4 nights, but if I have internet access, I will do my best. I haven’t taken a break since I began blogging 785+ posts ago.
Thanks for reading and sharing and laughing and listening. I hope you have a great rest of the week and feel good! xo