I was very needy today. I felt like I had a lot to talk about. I was very curious and had lots of questions. I’m laughing just thinking about what played out next. I don’t function very well when I don’t have a plan and don’t know what to expect, and feel frustrated with myself when I can’t just flow with the freedom from not having a plan. It’s like the ultimate contradiction and it drives me crazy! My brain has lots of ideas about what should happen and when they should happen, but being part of a big family with big teenagers and a busy husband and a crazy 9 Year old, my plan doesn’t always mix with their plan and getting them to share their ideas to come up with a master plan for the family is pure chaos. At least in my brain. I totally respect that my husband is busy strategically planning at work all week and just wants to relax on the weekend, but I’m still needy of figuring out all the details so I don’t end up staying home and cleaning and cooking. I want more!! Is that too much to ask? I think it might just be….
So as we sat to watch Charlie’s basketball game, my mind wandered practically every 5 minutes as I looked over my to do list in between watching Charlie play when he was on the court.
I didn’t realize I was sharing my stream of consciousness with my husband, as much as I was, as I shared idea after idea about what we should accomplish today and everyday practically for the next few months, and what was floating through my head. I didn’t realize I was asking a lot of questions over and over again, like a four year old, until he started teasing me and I couldn’t stop laughing.
He said I sounded like a parrot and he mocked me in the voice of a parrot, repeating the questions I kept asking him. Luckily I can laugh at myself because he was really funny and really accurate. I started laughing so hard because I had no idea I was that irritating. I just wanted attention and wanted to plan out my life. Is that too much to ask? I realize I’m a bit crazy and I’m ok with that. And actually I really appreciated his humor and his ability to point out that I was a bit cuckoo.
And because he was so kind and funny and made me realize we didn’t really need a plan and could just flow with what presented itself, we had a great day after all. I am content and not a parrot. Squawk!!!