Day 219: March 1st

It’s the beginning of a new month, and March just sounds warmer, like spring is almost here and winter is almost over. The skies are still very grey and heavy in Holland, so I know I have to wait patiently. I’ll wait. What else would I do?

Which brings me to my thoughts of gratitude today, and being present and living in the moment.

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When I walked outside this morning, I noticed these cute little flowers peeking out from under the bush. A sign of spring, I think… and Christina’s birthday. Happy bday CB!

I’m focused on seeing and finding joy right now, to fight back my sad feelings of being homesick since April and Steve left last week. When they left, I realized how much I miss our old life, or our other life, which is still part of our current life, but is so far away, and now is a bit complicated. I found myself longing to be back there playing outdoor tennis and hiking with Michele and Julie, and having coffee with the girls, and PEO, and yada yada yada. Longing for my previous routines and relationships while living and experiencing and building new routines and friendships here is/was confusing to me. While being a bit sad, I’m also so thankful and love living abroad. I am enjoying all our crazy adventures and adaptions. It’s just that yin and yang thing again and feeling balanced and unbalanced. Normal right? Especially for a Gemini.

Friends here ask how long we will live here and friends back home ask when we’ll come back home, and that makes me feel somewhat unsure of where I belong. I’m sure this is normal for expats, especially for those who plan to return one day but don’t know for sure when that one day will be. I think the best answer to everyone, is it depends and I’m not 100% sure, and then to go on living where I am and seizing the day, not worrying about the when. Isn’t that what being present is all about? Easier said than done, but it’s my truth.

So enough of my pity party – it’s over. I just like to share this side to keep things real and hopefully to relate with others who might be experiencing similar feelings.

The best part of my day today was holding a brand new baby and sharing time with her mama and a friend and a 2 year old little boy. Talking about being in the moment – I so loved holding her that I didn’t want to put her down! I loved watching her stretch, and peek open her eyes, and to listen to the little squeak sounds she made. I just wanted to soak her up and stare at her for hours. It was so peaceful just being with her and watching her every move. I was in the moment, and felt so lucky that I got to hold this newest little angel.

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Life is truly good.

10 thoughts on “Day 219: March 1st

  1. Dear Adriana–thanks for your genuine sharing. I guess feeling homesick is a sign that you have another set of people you love and who love and miss you too. How lucky is that to have not one but two wonderful lives. We feel the opposite of homesick in missing the Hartleys. What a sweet reunion it will be when you get back. Much love from your PEO sisters–we love and miss you enormously, but are so happy that you are having such a neat experience in Europe. You’ve done more in the past 6 or 8 months than most people do in a lifetime. How sweet it is! Thanks for keeping us posted on your life away from home. Love, Kris xoxo

    P.S. You look so serene holding that baby. What a truly precious gift!

    • Kris – thanks for understanding. I know it’s a great “problem” to have and I feel quite thankful to be enjoying this beautiful world. Love you!! And holding a brand new baby made me realize how simple life is and should be – and also made me miss holding Elizabeth’s new baby. It’s all good. Have a great weekend! xo

  2. Ohhhhh… πŸ™‚ I love that “holding a new baby” feeling!!! Did it make you want to have another??? πŸ™‚

    Miss you too!!! But you know… I’m selfishly VERY glad you’re in Holland this year!! What better reason to go to Holland and Paris!!

    XOXOs

  3. Dear Adriana, At this moment I am in bed having coffee with all the kids in bed. While drinking my cappuccino I am reading your blog and enjoying your thoughs.. I wished my english would be better so I could write my feelings and thoughts in the same way you do. I truly enjoy reading your blogs and most of the times you give me food for thought. Keep on exploring Holland as you do now and before you know you will be back home and Holland will be one of your memories. Enjoy us as long as you can is my advice. Homesickness is a good feeling, it makes you feel wanted everywhere! Don’t avoid this feeling but embrace it! It’s a feeling you need to feel when living abroad!

    • My dear friend, Barbara – your English is wonderful, and your morning moments in bed with the kids sounds like a perfect way to start the day. Love it!! You of all people understand this expat feeling and I am embracing all of it, including the homesickness! Thank you for your advice too. It’s all part of the package and I love having this opportunity. Guess what? My new board arrives on Monday! There are 160 people paddling through Amsterdam tomorrow!! I wish I was going but the kids have their last basketball games of the season at the same time. Can’t wait to go with you!! Have a great weekend. xxxx

  4. Dear, Sweet Adriana, I appreciate all of your writings, happy and sad. Life is that way for all of us. My day started out helping my mom get dressed and going this morning. Being 97 isn’t easy! Then I was surprised by my two “sisters” Jane and Mary Lee who invited me to go for a walk around our neighborhood. I wish I could do that on a regular basis because I enjoy being with them and feel better physically and mentally. I also long for different things but realize everything has a negative and a positive to it and so I try to see the positive in all I have and do. Like I learned years ago while trying to decide what kind of RV we wanted…there is no perfect toy! Love and hugs to you and your family, Mary

    • Dear Mary – that sounds so sweet – because you are so dear to me – thank you for sharing your wisdom and story. I too, love imagining you taking care of your mama and walking around the block with your sweet soul sisters. Thanks for all the love and for the reminders. I love you!

    • That baby made my day. She is so perfect and her needs are so basic, and just watching her eat and sleep and snuggle with us was such a gift. Thank you for the compliment. I think this is what peace looks like. xo

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