Resting

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I surrender.

I am resting the best I can and doing 80% less at 50% capacity.  I just made that up, but that’s what life feels like right now.

I surrender.

I went to the chiropractor again today and really don’t like that feeling at all. I feel like I’m being broken and put back together again like Humpty Dumpty. I don’t like hearing that I have a “condition” that will need more work.

2015/01/img_4536.jpg This poster hangs in the office at the chiropractor.

I hope the physical therapy and massage will help loosen everything up and help me to strengthen and stretch the muscles and ligaments that are so tightly wound and pulling me out of balance. I like balance.

I am letting go of expectations and I am patiently waiting for my normal to return. It feels so weird to me not to exercise and not to be doing all the chores I normally do.  I am adapting and asking for help. I am accepting the break and slowing down, whether I like it or not.

One way that I can relax is by watching movies.  Today I went to see Imitation Games at the theater and enjoyed eating buttery popcorn in a high-backed seat that was really comfortable. This movie was excellent and very touching. I highly recommend seeing it as it is very well done and is entertaining.

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Tonight I am sitting on the couch and am going to watch some recorded shows and read some magazines. I think I might actually enjoy this!

What do you like to do to relax and slow down?

I hope you are well and have a fabulous weekend, doing what you love with loved ones.

Namaste.

Sitting Bull

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Can you sit still?

I can’t. I mean I can sit, but I can’t stay for long.  I want to crawl out of my skin and do something. I have lists you know!

I tried to slow down today and did. I sat, but my brain had other plans. I was like a sitting bull, just waiting to attack.

I literally need help. And not just from  a chiropractor. or a masseuse.

My brain doesn’t turn off. I feel bad for my family because I have so many ideas to share and plans for us to do things together. I probably drive them crazy!

I admire people who can sit at home and read a book. I always think I should be doing something else and my mind starts doing flip flops.

I need to practice putting my phone down, keeping my hands still and just being.   Maybe I’ll have to practice for 3 minutes with nothing to do and then move up from there?  This is probably what they mean by being present and in the moment and here I thought I was doing it right. I need mindfulness and meditation and some yoga!

Geez – I have a lot to learn.

How was your day? Can you sit still? What do you like to do? Got any tips for me?

The Straw

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It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

This is an idiom which alludes to the proverb “it is the last straw that breaks the camel’s back”, according to Wikipedia, that describes how a minor routine action causes an unpredictably large and sudden reaction, because of the cumulative effect of small actions. (Wikipedia)

It was going to sleep that finally broke me.  I thought I slept wrong and it caused my neck to seize up. But I knew it wasn’t just sleep. My neck and shoulder and arm have been hurting for literally years, with headaches almost daily. I’ve done hardly anything to fix it, except hope that it goes away. Hope failed.

After 4 days of continuous pain, I finally went to see the doctor. She noticed that my left shoulder was an inch higher than my right. She referred me to specialists and prescribed muscle relaxers and told me not to play tennis for a week or two. *big sigh*

I knew something was wrong, and yet I didn’t want to take the time to go to the doctor and to seek specialty care.  But denial doesn’t change what is. My positive thinking didn’t make it better.  I had to slow down and since I didn’t do it on my own, my body took over for me and stopped me in my tracks.  The best part of being in pain is the empathy I feel for all my BeLoveRs who carry pain with them as part of their daily lives.  Pain hurts and robs us of opportunity and freedom and lowers our levels of happiness because our focus is on our body and not so much our experiences.

I was lucky to get in with a chiropractor last minute today and was a little scared. I have never been before and I am not one to go to the doctor unless I’m “dying.”  He was very nice to me, and explained everything before starting his adjustments. As he started examining me, he told me that my body was in the red zone, and that my nerves were on fire. I could hardly move my neck from side to side nor up nor down. That is not something you really want to hear, and yet it did validate everything my body has been screaming at me.

He noticed that one of my legs was “longer” than the other, which justified the work he was about to do. He cracked this, and moved that and rubbed here and pulled there.  It was scary and relieving and he restored about 40% more movement to my body. He said that our bodies need maintenance, just like our cars do and that mine was way over due for servicing, or something like that.

I did notice a difference after seeing him and was thankful for his work and squeezing me in at the last minute.

I need to rest and go back again in a couple of days. I think I’m looking forward to the massage portion of this treatment plan the most.

Maybe that person can turn the straw to gold! :-)

Be well, BeLoveRs.  Take care of your one little body.

Motherhood Perks

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My stiff neck and I got to chaperone a field trip today with my last elementary school aged kid.  I am fully aware that this is it. “I am” graduating soon to Junior High and High School.  I’m an older mom now with older kids. I get it. My neck and I feel it and my wrinkles show it. Yep. And I am going to enjoy every minute that he chooses to share with me, as he becomes more and more independent.

He was so excited for today to come so that we could walk together to the theater and sit next to each other. When the older kids were saying goodbye at 7:15 am, he said he was lucky because he didn’t have to say goodbye to me until 11:30 am today. I love the way he thinks.

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I loved that the class president still wants his mama with him. Motherhood perk.

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I loved watching him with his friends. I loved his smile. I loved putting my arm near his leg while we watched the performance, because I can’t hold his hand when his friends are around. I loved being in his world, seeing his friends and teachers and sharing his space.

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Life is good. I love the perks!

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Being Vulnerable

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“Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the magic sauce. ” – Brene Brown

I’m vulnerable. Today and most days. Aren’t we all? Today,  I’m especially aware of my vulnerability because I am still in pain and actually needed help. I needed help with having Tiger Balm rubbed into my back, shoulder and neck muscles.  I needed help at the grocery store and got help with kid pickup and kitchen cleanup and filling the rice containers.  I don’t like to be needy. I like to be the one giving help. I was still able to do some things, but at 50% the level and speed as usual. This made me incredibly vulnerable, a bit uncomfortable and a lot thankful.

As I slowed down, my family picked up the pace. I loved that they were helping me and looking at me with love and concern in their eyes. They are not used to me like this and I’m not comfortable just sitting. I’m not dying and I’m not trying to exaggerate, I’m just dealing with and waiting for the pain to pass. It definitely has a hold on me and I am not sure how long the wait will be. I’m getting lots of kisses and hugs and offers for help and I’m just trying to breathe and be patient. Thank you family and thank you friends for your ideas and advice.

While I wait, I will be thankful that I have people that love me and take care of me too and for this vulnerability space. Maybe this is part of my togetherness vision for the year,  just in a different form than I expected.

Life is good, even with a pulled muscle.

Dealing with Pain

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Do you have a strategy for dealing with pain?

I don’t and I suck at it.

I get very impatient and am in denial that anything is wrong. I try to pretend that all is well, even when I can’t move and I get very antsy.

I have a pinched nerve in my neck from sleeping wrong and can’t lift my neck easily. I hate this.

I still tried carrying on as usual, but was so impatient and irritable. I stopped at the drug store after Charlie’s game to pick up some icy hot pads and Tiger balm cream and couldn’t handle the kids asking me for anything. I just wanted them to be quiet and to take care of my own needs and not theirs. This felt so weird to me.

I came home and Juliana helped apply the pad and rubbed my back before I sat on the couch. I wanted to rest and do nothing but couldn’t sit still for long.

I wanted to help Jeff make the dinner I was going to make. I tried to help a little bit but paced back and forth more than doing anything really useful. I was thankful that the kids were helping out and I felt weird not doing much. Dinner was delicious and we all enjoyed just being together despite my stiff neck.

I cancelled my tennis lesson for tomorrow, which made me acknowledge the painful truth that I’m not so great today. Ahhhhh. Bummer. This too shall pass.

For the rest of the night, I’m going to lay on the couch and relax and hope that this tension in my muscles will dissipate and let go.

I am not a very good patient and I don’t sit still very well. What do you do when you’re experiencing pain?

Namaste

Being in the Moment

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I didn’t take any pictures today and instead just enjoyed the moments without feeling like I had to capture what was.

Instead, I just enjoyed the conversation, the scenery and just being.

I went for a hike with my BFF and although it was only 6+ miles, we probably could have gone 50 miles and not even noticed or felt tired. We were so happy to just be together out doing what we love and chatting and sharing and catching up that we hardly even noticed where we were.

I love these moments when time just passes by and you don’t even realize it because you are so content doing what you’re doing.

I was going to cook dinner tonight and then another friend dropped by, took off her shoes and decided to stay for awhile. I love when friends do this. I broke out the goat cheese from Harley Farms, some fresh red grapes and sliced the bread i picked up at the produce market today, and opened a bottle of my favorite Hess chardonnay to share with her. We sat together for over an hour and just caught up and enjoyed each other’s company, while our kids played outside.

I love this life. I love the simplicity of it all and just flowing with whatever comes my way.

Life is a miracle and I am loving it.

How was your Saturday?